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20 Things All Mothers Need to Hear

20 Things All Mothers Need to Hear

You never know how strong you are until you have no other choice but to be strong. 

Take a moment to step back from your life. You don’t get much time to do that these days, so treat yourself for just a minute.

When you step back, what do you see? Craziness? Fogginess? Don’t worry; you’re not alone. You’re right there with all of the other exhausted new mothers who have no idea how they will get through another day with only two hours of uninterrupted sleep.

It’s okay though; you have a beautiful baby to owe all of the craziness in your life to, and that somehow makes it all good.

There are times though that it seems as though you’re not making it. The baby may be crying uncontrollably, your boobs are sore, and you just want to sleep. It’s in those moments that you should take a step back, take a time out, and remember YOU ARE SUPERMOM.

1. You Created a Human Being

Do you get how huge that is? Your body is the one that grew your baby from a tiny cell. It’s your body that gave a human life. It’s all you. You are the one that went through the pain. You’re the one that is still recovering from the trauma. You completed one of the most sacred and important tasks there is.

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2. You Are a Good Mom

First things first, you ARE a good mom. Your baby is healthy and happy. You’ve got the two most important things about motherhood covered. Even when things are hard, remember that you’ve got this!

3. You Rock It Without Sleep

The Sleep Foundation recommends that adults (26-64 years) sleep 7-9 hours a night. After you stop laughing, realize that you’re rocking it as a mom on only a fraction of those hours.

Don’t believe you’re rocking it? Well, are you stumbling over to your baby in the middle of the night? Are you feeding your baby? You’re awesome. When you’re especially exhausted tell yourself this, “I take care of my baby, and I get about the same amount of sleep as my neighbor’s afternoon nap.”

4. You’ve Never Appreciated Your Friends and Family More

Whether you’re a single mother or have a partner to share the joy and burdens with, no one compares to the support and love of friends and family. These are the people that are always there to offer a supportive hand or listening ear. You’re lucky to have them.

5. You Don’t Have to Listen to Every Opinion

Motherhood is synonymous with unsolicited advice. Know that even if opinions are given with the best of intentions, you don’t have to listen to them all. You’re navigating this motherhood thing instinctually, and with the advice of a few well-selected advisors.

6. You’ll Never Stop Worrying

You know the feeling you experienced right after the intense joy of delivering your baby? That feeling was worry and it’s never going away. Just learn to embrace and manage the worry and you’ll do just fine.

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7. You Won’t Ruin Your Child’s Life

Are you afraid that your personal brand of parenting will irrevocably damage your children to the point of no return? You won’t ruin them. No child grows up with the picturesque childhood. Making parenting mistakes is normal and expected. Stop stressing about being the perfect mother and remember that you’re doing your best.

8. Your Mommy Instincts Are Right on Track

You know what cry signifies hunger, sleep or pain; you have your baby’s schedule down pat; you know when your baby has a common cold or something more. Congrats mom, your instincts are right on point.

9. You Have Super Boobs

Whether you’re nursing or not, you have super boobs. Those heavy, slightly sagging breasts of yours have stored fat for your baby, and for those of you breastfeeding, they are providing your baby food. Awesome job mommy!

Go out and find a bra that fits the size you are now – it’s all good. The only person you’re impressing these days is your baby, and he or she could care less what your chest looks like right now.

10. You Care More Than Anyone

Your baby’s life is full of people that love him! That’s wonderful! However, that doesn’t mean that sometimes you’ll just want to be alone with your baby. Why? Because you are always striving to strengthen the bond you have with your baby.

11. You Are Allowed to Feel Overwhelmed

Your life has completely changed with the arrival of your child. Your child is without a doubt the light of your life, but things are different now. Aside from the physical changes to your body and the exhaustion you’re experiencing, the purpose of your life has changed. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. You’ll grow accustomed to your new life in no time.

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12. You Deserve a Break

You do a lot all day and all night long. You are working harder than you’ve ever worked in your life, and for that reason, you deserve a break.

Allow yourself to breathe sometimes. Go for a walk, get a pedicure, or take a bath. Alone time will make you a better mother.

13. You Can’t Protect Them From Everything

Life is meant to be experienced, mom. That means life for your little one, too! It’s impossible to protect your children from every form of adversity they are sure to face during their lives. We all learn from tough times, and your babies will too.

14. You Are Powerful

Caring for your new baby is the most overwhelming and joyous thing on this earth. You’re able to do it on 4 hours of sleep while managing everything else on your plate. You couldn’t do that if you weren’t a super hero. Even when you feel weak, know that you are as strong as it gets.

15. You Need to Give Your Body a Break

You feel disappointed with your post-baby body and it’s really getting you down.  Instead of feeling sad, understand that you grew a human being in that body of yours. Look at it with pride because you did an amazing thing!

16. You Should Be Insanely Proud

You made a human being. Your little baby could grow up to be someone that saves people’s lives or rules a nation. You never know…and you know what? It all started with you. If it wasn’t for you, your little baby wouldn’t be on this Earth right now. Good job mama!

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17. You Appreciate Your Own Mom More Than Ever

You finally understand the struggle she went through! Now that you’re a mom, you understand and appreciate your own more than ever! And you tell her every time you call her in the middle of the night with another question about the baby.

18. You Are Doing Great

Sometimes you might feel like giving up on this whole motherhood thing. Don’t worry – all moms feel like this at one point or another. Just know that you’re giving your baby love, a safe and happy home, and a caring family, and that’s more than enough.

19. Your Child Loves You

You know that almost unbearable love you feel for your child? You child loves you just as much. Loves you even when you ran the bath a little too cold, loves you even though you served cereal for dinner two times in a row this week, loves you even when you’re frustrated.  So never worry about whether or not your baby loves you.

20. You’ll Figure it All Out

You might not get all of your parenting questions answered until the day before your last child leaves for college, but you will get it all figured out. Parenting is a long and winding road with plenty of ridiculous twists and turns. And if you ask any mom, she’ll tell you it’s the only ride worth all the trouble.

Featured photo credit: Mother with her baby playing with pet on the floor at the kitchen at home via shutterstock.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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