Advertising
Advertising

20 Sentences People with Depression Hate Hearing the Most

20 Sentences People with Depression Hate Hearing the Most

Why are people so unsympathetic when their friends or loved ones suffer from depression? The main reason is that depression is very difficult to fully understand. Another reason is that there is a stigma attached to being depressed. Even though we live in a society which seems to revolve around physical well-being and being upbeat, we don’t want to be reminded of the other side. We want to forget depression exists. A person with cancer is likely to get a lot more support than a person suffering from depression.

It’s even worse when friends and relatives give some advice which does not help at all. The sad fact is that these opinions reflect an appalling ignorance about this mental illness. No, depression was not invented for Big Pharma, like some sort of conspiracy. This illness affects 350 million people worldwide. It causes enormous suffering and is a contributory factor in death by suicide. The alarming fact is that less than 50% of patients will seek treatment, mainly because of ignorance and apathy.

Here are 20 pieces of advice which are pretty useless when you are trying to help a loved one suffering from depression. Do not use these phrases if you’re trying to be sympathetic. They may have the opposite effect than desired.

1. You should snap out of it

If you suffer from depression, I bet you envy how simple snapping out of it would be! This is not just a temporary blip on your sadness/happiness scale. It is debilitating, to the point where you cannot even get out of bed in the morning. You find it difficult to summon up enough energy. Motivation is beyond your capabilities.

If you note these symptoms in a friend, make sure that she or he gets diagnosed and treated. Especially if these feelings last more than two weeks. Symptoms will vary enormously. You may notice hopelessness, appetite and sleep problems. The important thing is to get a diagnosis.

Advertising

2. Other people are far worse off, you know

This is not going to help a person solve their problems! The depressed person just needs a person to be there and give support. You do not have to say anything if that embarrasses you. However, you can also tell the person that they can get better and that you will be there to support them.

3. Life is tough

This will probably reinforce how bad the depressed person is feeling, rather than help them. You could help them more by saying that you feel empathy for them and are willing to help them get through it. Treatment may take the form of medication and/or psychotherapy.

4. You have to get on with it

This sends the wrong message. It reinforces the sense of isolation that a depressed person feels. The best way to help them is by sending texts or just phoning them to let them know there is someone who cares. Susan Serani’s book, Living with Depression provides excellent examples of practical ways to help.

5. You are too introspective

The implication here is that depression really is a minor problem. You’ll come across as being judgemental and critical. The best way to show affection and love is to avoid statements like these which isolate the individual even more.

6. You are far too sensitive

This belittles the depressed person because they will think that their illness is being regarded as a character flaw and nothing else. A much better approach would be to take the person out for a walk. You can try and encourage them to get out and do something every day.

Advertising

7. Life goes on

“Living with depression is like living with a 40 ton weight on your chest — you want to get up and move, but you just feel like you can’t.” – from an anonymous individual suffering from depression.

Telling a depressed patient that life goes on anyway will appear like brushing the whole thing under the carpet. It will appear that you are not really concerned at all.

8. Just go out and enjoy yourself

Suggesting fun times does not help at all, unless you are prepared to accompany your depressed friend and encourage them to try to take baby steps every day. Lending support means being there, or at least phoning to remind them that they have to do “X” today and “Y” tomorrow.

9. Aches and pains are just normal

A strange thing about depression is how often the condition is diagnosed by patients experiencing physical aches and pains, rather than mood and motivation problems. Encourage them to get a diagnosis and offer your help.

10. You have got so many things to be grateful for

The depressed patient does not want to hear about gratitude. Their main worry is that the sheer exhaustion and loss of interest will become permanent. It is always a good idea to remind the suffering individual that treatment can be effective. Depression need not last forever.

Advertising

11. Cheer up

My uncle used to tell my depressed aunt to, “Cheer up”. The effect was just the opposite. It actually made her cry even more. His total misunderstanding of her condition was not helpful at all.

12. You’re strong, you will be fine

Yes, some people are strong and may have even coped with despondency or despair. If you are depressed, you may feel that your life means nothing to anyone else out there. Again, just listening can be reassuring for the person with depression.

13. You should stop feeling sorry for yourself

This suggests that the depressed person has a rather weak personality and is flawed in some way. A much more helpful response would be to actually sitting down and listening to the depressed person’s problems and feelings.

14. You should take vitamins for your stress

An offer of an over-the-counter cure will not help at all, as you are not really qualified. It is much better to urge the sufferer to get treatment and to offer to accompany them, or help them seek a specialist.

15. You should phone me

If you are a real friend, you should be the person who reaches out to the sufferer and show him or her that you really do care.

Advertising

16. You should buy nicer clothes

Your friend’s wardrobe may look a mess, but this will not cure their depression. Going on a shopping trip together would be a much better idea.

17. You know that everyone has problems

When you say this, the implication is that the depressed person has actually made a choice to be miserable and unhappy. Comparisons with the vast majority of the population are not at all helpful. It would be much better to say that you are trying to understand their problems. Encourage them to seek help and advice online.

18. You should try harder

Harsh and critical comments like this will not help one little bit. The attitude of family members and close friends are often crucial in whether a person will recover from depression.

19. You should be better by now

Impatience is a sign to the depressed person that nobody really understands what they are going through. A more compassionate approach without deadlines would be much more helpful.

20. You will have to learn to live with it

Learning to live with depression with no way out is like entering a dark tunnel. Pep talks, platitudes and the so-called encouraging remarks only make matters worse. It is much better to follow the steps I have outlined below if you really want to help.

What we can do to help depressed persons

  • Most experts agree that just being there and being supportive can be very helpful.
  • We can learn about depression, its causes and symptoms
  • We can encourage the depressed person to get diagnosed and treatment. We can help them with day-to-day tasks and objectives. We can also stop by and remind them of a task later that day. Or we can simply give them a call, and have a short chat while we’re at it.
  • We can encourage them to join online forums which cater to depressed persons. This is a great place to get support although it will never be as effective as a real live presence.
  • We should never give the impression that it is the patient’s fault or criticize them in any way.
  • We should encourage and supervise their daily routines such as regular eating, exercise and sleep.
  • We should be able to talk to them about suicide, should they mention it. The important thing is to go over the thoughts but suggest a different solution.

Let us know in the comments below how you have helped a depressed person on how to cope with their illness.

Featured photo credit: Brooke Novak via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

10 Reasons Why People Are Unmotivated (And How to Be Motivated) 12 Secrets To a Super Productive Meeting You Should Know Work Smarter, Not Harder: 12 Smart Ways to Be More Productive What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It 10 Simple Morning Exercises That Will Make You Feel Great All Day

Trending in Communication

1 50 Ways To Show Her You Love Her 2 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 3 Why Am I Not Happy? 5 Steps to Figure Out the Reason 4 9 Things to Remember When You Had a Bad Day 5 How to Use a 5 Minute Journal to Invest in Your Happiness

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on August 12, 2019

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

Advertising

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

Advertising

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

Advertising

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

Advertising

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

More About Mental Strength

Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

Read Next