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20 Reasons Why Not Making Mistakes Is The Biggest Mistake In Life

20 Reasons Why Not Making Mistakes Is The Biggest Mistake In Life

Mistakes are the best teachers. You would be clueless without them. Mistakes are also innate sources of wisdom that you acquire at birth and continue to make throughout life. How else would you know how to walk if you never fell down and figured out how to pick yourself up again?

Yet somewhere along the winding path of life, mistakes got a bad rap. They became evil, mental monsters that make you feel like a loser. And it’s true mistakes can choke you until you cannot breathe; just the thought of a possible failure can cause emotional paralysis. But okay, maybe you’re disappointed, embarrassed, or ashamed, so what?  Pick yourself up, shake it off, and realize you just learned a valuable lesson that will sustain you for the rest of your life.

Here are 20 reasons why not making mistakes could be a huge mistake:

1. You lose the experience.

You need to experience what doesn’t work. That’s how science experiments and research are conducted. When you do apply this in your life, the results of the experience stick. They enter your subconscious and stay there. If you don’t make a mistake, you cannot learn.

2. You can’t reach the top without them.

Mistakes are building blocks, each one laying the foundation for future success. As Mark Cuban said, “With every effort, I learned a lot. With every mistake and failure, not only mine, but of those around me, I learned what not to do.”

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3. You stop the clock.

Success doesn’t happen overnight (except in viral videos). It takes time, and during that time lots of things go wrong. Kiss success good-bye if you are afraid to try new things and make mistakes!

4. You listen to the negative voices in your head.

If you give in the negative attitude, of “I can’t, I’m afraid to fail,” say hello to a boring life.

5. You stagnate and underachieve.

Nothing good can happen unless you are willing to make mistakes. Follow your bliss.

6. You listen to the negative comments of other people and let them rule your future.

Naysayers are always ready and waiting to squash your dreams. Allowing negative comments to rule your choices interferes with your forward motion. As an example, you can thank angry chef George Crum for our all-time favorite snack, the potato chip. George lost his temper when a customer sent back a plate of fried potatoes because they weren’t cooked enough. Insulted, he cut the potatoes thin, crisped them until they were almost burnt, and then heavily salted them. He sent them back out to the customer thinking they would hate them, but instead, culinary history was made. Thank you George!

7. You miss the chance to become strong.

You never will know just how strong you are until you have the opportunity to recover from a mistake.

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8. You miss the chance to become wise.

Again, you will never know how smart and clever you are, until you work through a mistake, then bounce back, and grow from it.

9. You expect perfection.

Things are never perfect. Life is imperfect. All of life is a series of mistakes.

10. You become a quitter, not a winner.

If you let one mistake control you, you set a pattern of giving in. Bill Gates remarked, “We didn’t miss cell phones, but the way that we went about it didn’t allow us to get the leadership. So it’s clearly a mistake.” He didn’t let it stop him from becoming a gazillionaire from his other endeavors though.

11. You will never learn anything if you don’t learn from your mistakes.

Just because things didn’t work out, doesn’t mean something good didn’t come from it. Wonderful things can happen from mistakes. For example, Percy Spencer realized that the candy bar in his pocket had melted when he was conducting a radar-related research project. He then tried it on popcorn, and gave us the oh-so-helpful microwave oven.

12. You let your negative emotions control your destiny.

You allow negativity to live in your head. You can never achieve happiness if negative emotions rule your life.

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13. You think what happened in the past will happen in the future.

Wrong! You can’t achieve success until you’ve had several failures. Life changes. Nothing ever stays the same, even when you want it to.

14. You become a negative role model to other people.

Getting up after a mistake is the real triumph. People are watching you. Maybe your kids—or co-workers if you’re a team leader—are watching you. What kind of role model do you want to be?

15. You lose the chance to be a positive role model.

The experience of the mistake isn’t the only teacher, it’s whether you sink or swim after it. Great leaders are strong swimmers. Michael Jordan noted after being criticized for making a bad drafting call for the Bobcats, “I think we’ve grown from it. I’ve grown from it and hopefully down the road when you make a choice, you try to make a better choice.”

16. You deprive yourself of the benefits of repetition.

Practice builds skill. The only ones who achieve success are those who are willing to repeatedly practice the same behavior, skill, or action until it is perfected. According to Malcolm Gladwell’s “10,000 Hour Rule,” greatness requires at least 10,000 hours of repetition. The key to success in any field is practicing a specific task 20 hours a week for 10 years.

17. No pain, no gain.

After a hard workout at the gym, your whole body aches, and you love it. Why? Because you feel proud of how much effort you put into improving yourself. You even enjoyed the how much it hurt while you were doing it. (Even though you didn’t look so happy at the time).

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18. You won’t discover your chutzpah.

That is, the courage, perseverance, strength, and resilience to push through the tough stuff.

19. You succumb to your fears.

You become frozen anticipating failure. You let fear rule your life and determine your future.

20. You don’t get to be brave.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” Bruce Lee

Living without mistakes is living only half of a life. There is nothing greater than looking back on your past experiences and seeing how you overcame them, how you learned from them, and how you became a better, happier, smarter, braver, and stronger person because of them.

The list of successful mistake makers is endless. Losers are simply people who don’t pick themselves up after mistakes.

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June Silny

ADHD Coach, Writer, ADDitude Magazine featured contributor

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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