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19 Simple Things Everyone Can Do To Make Life Easier For Each Other

19 Simple Things Everyone Can Do To Make Life Easier For Each Other

You don’t have to create big, grand gestures to make a positive impact on someone else’s day. A few simple courtesies can spell the difference between an awful day and an awesome one. Unfortunately, there are days where it seems that common courtesies are not so common anymore.

Make an effort to go out there and prove that chivalry is not dead. Being gallant & respectful are traits that will never go out of style.

Be that person who will make life easier for the people around you.

1. Put a big smile on your face, even if you don’t feel like it.

Trite as it may sound, the simple act of letting sides of your facial muscles turn north can give a boost to someone else’s day. Like a yawn, it is highly contagious. Even if the smile isn’t genuine, a fake one can lift your own mood. Fake it til you make it.

2. Give a genuine compliment.

Make the compliment very specific and sincere. Instead of simply saying, “you look great!” say something like, “I love how your blue scarf brings out the flecks of gold in your green eyes. They look stunning!”

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3. On the tollway, pay the toll of the person behind you.

Perform an unexpected act of kindness for a stranger. Pay the toll of the person behind you the next time you drive through the tollgate.

On the subway, go ahead and pay someone else’s fare. It’s fast, easy, and it won’t make you poorer. Nobody was ever rendered you bankrupt from parting with some lose change.

4. Tell the person you’re meeting exactly where you are when you’re running late.

Have you ever tried telling someone you’ll be there in 10 minutes when you very well know it will take you another 30 minutes to actually meet them? Spare their feelings. Let them know exactly where you are, so they can plan what to do with their time. You might invite their ire, but at least they’ll know exactly what to expect, and act accordingly.

5. Offer to help a tourist who obviously seems lost.

See someone holding up their well worn map, making sense out of the subway whatever? Offer your help. Give them specific instructions on where and how to get to their destination.

6. Treat the waitress nicely. 

You don’t know if they’ve had a long day and they are on their way to their second job just to keep the bills paid. Everyone has a story. Practice a bit of empathy.

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7. Open the door for an elderly woman, or that person with a bag full of groceries. 

Or hold the door for the person behind you. Practice common courtesies.

8. Share your talent at a public place.

Talents are meant to be seen, heard and appreciated.  A piece of music, a beautiful painting, a heartfelt rendition of a classical piece are reminders to slow down and appreciate our journey in life, and not be too focused on the destination.

Your talent is a gift that is meant to be showcased. Go ahead and show it off.

10. Ignore the wailing children at the grocery store.

Or better yet, give the mother a sympathetic look that says, “I’ve been there, hang in there.”

Mothers of toddlers do not mean to make life harder for you. So stop the judgmental looks and be kind. Same thing goes for moms stuck in a long haul flight with their toddlers. Make a special effort to more tolerant of moms who are alone with toddlers.

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11. Be more patient while waiting in line.

Try not to show your irritation. Don’t tap your foot, or make loud, rude comments. Try being fully present in that precise juncture of your life, those “in-between” moments which make up most of our days. It’s a good time for reflection and cherishing the little things that we take for granted.

12. Give your spouse/dad/mom some “me” time.

Moms are notorious for always being “on” and not having a break, catering to the family’s welfare and every child’s whim. Give whoever takes care of you a day off to recharge their batteries.

13. Listen without interrupting.

The next time someone’s talking to you and unburdening themselves, try really listening to them, without thinking of what to say next. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Give them your undivided attention.

14. Withhold judgement.

Nobody is perfect. People make mistakes all the time. Some learn from them, others might need to commit more errors to learn the lesson. You don’t know the full extent of their situation, or the unique circumstances and unusual context they’ve had to deal with. Practice compassion.

15. Offer to take care of a toddler/look after the toddler.

Mothers of little children have a lot on their plates. A little help will go a long way.

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16. Clean as you go, without being asked.

A tidier, more organized space will work wonders on your productivity.

17. Say please and thank you. Express gratitude. 

When was the last time you used these simple words to express appreciation? Use them more often.

18. Have a good night’s rest.

Being cranky has a spiraling effect that will affect everyone around you. So for everyone else’s sake, take good care of yourself.

19. If you have nothing nice to say, hold your tongue. 

These aren’t rocket science suggestions. It takes so little effort to spread joy and good cheer. And these simple gestures just might be the lift you need to make your own day a little brighter as well.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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