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15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

Most parents tell lies to their children as a method to change their manners and behavior. They use this method for many reasons, and the most important reason is protection. It might be tough to call these lies, because parents mostly use “white lies” to steer their children to the correct path in life. Here are a few of the most egregious lies your parents told you about life:

1. Your disillusion about marriage

When you are disillusioned about someone, your faith or beliefs are dashed. Your parents’ divorce might cause disillusionment over your romantic ideas of marriage. As a product of divorce, you may now believe that marriage is short-lived and divorce is unavoidable.

2. Importance of education

Another lie we heard from parents is about education. Going to good colleges and having a good major can increase the chances of getting a good job after graduation. But these days too many people are going to college, building thousands of dollars of debt, and are still unable to get jobs due to being “over educated.”

3. Your biased political views

A recent Texas Tech research suggests that parents have the biggest influence on our political beliefs. A political candidate you supported strongly could lose favor if that politician doesn’t follow through on your parents’ promises.

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4. Your fear of neglecting the norm

Parents want to instill their beliefs in their children and inform them of the troubles in going against the odds. Instead of adding our personal opinions about what is right or wrong, parents make wrong decisions by describing irrelevant facts of the different categories: Sex and Nudity, Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking.

5. Your faith in religion

In childhood, we are encouraged to seek out the faith and guidance from our religion. They will tell their children stories about religion; this is how we learn religion from parents. But if you look at different scandals, violence, war and controversy, at the root of almost every bad situation you might find religion.

6. Your preconceptions

Parents provide their child the first definitions of their existence. They teach their child through their every word, gesture, and action to inform the importance of his or her existence and how he or she is perceived by the outside world. Rather there should be a healthy self-concept, which means let the child have own belief about herself, not someone others opinion.

7. Exaggeration of their own character

This is a big one. Your parents might continuously sing their own praises about being the model child, and you should attempt to adopt that model. But if you ask your grandparents about your parents, they will tell you that your parents were, perhaps, way crazier than you. They just try to make you the best person, while exaggerating about themselves a lot.

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8. You need to be healthy and finish your food

Finish your food if you want to healthy! This is a common lie that is repeated in front of every child. You should not overeat, as it bad for your health. It’s predicted that in the next 20 years 50% of the population will have diabetes. So maybe we should try NOT finishing our dinner.

9. Mobile and laptop usage

Your parents might be lying to you if they tell you that you don’t need a cellphone or laptop in this day and age. While technically correct, if your parents want to be able to reach you while you are away from the house, a cellphone is likely necessary. If they want you to be able to do your school work, a laptop or tablet or probably important.

10. Watching too much TV will harm your eyesight

Parents always use this trick to keep their children way from television, no matter what the distance to the screen. As Children Health points out, parents should communicate to their kids that the TV is “for random entertainment, not for continuous relaxation.

11. Using imaginary characters

Some parents use imaginary characters to inspire or even frighten. If you were told that there are goblins or some other “monster” who might frighten you into proper behavior, your parents were lying — just as you might have been told about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other characters.

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12. Lies about money

Some parents tell their children that they must make a lot of money — usually to try and save them from pain they might have suffered in their own impoverished times. On the other hand, some parents say that money doesn’t buy happiness when in fact, money can solve a lot of problems that can make people unhappy. Whatever side you fall on, your parents likely have your best interests in mind, but you should make your own choices in regards to how much money you strive to make.

13. Having unwavering faith

We have been brought up to have firm faith on different things in our life.  Believing that our prayers are being heard, or anyone with a good reputation or popular leaders must be superior and respectable. Just for instance, you might have been brought up to believe that any person with a badge or a government-issued card are the people with our best interest at heart, so they must be right and respected— when in reality, they are sometimes no more honest than your fellow citizen.

14. Choosing profession

When we are young, our parents sometimes say that you can be whatever you want to be but in reality we can’t always. Maybe you could be a professional dancer, but really, they won’t encourage it. Or maybe, without hurting your feelings, they are trying to tell you that it’s not really a talent you have. Whatever your parents say, choose a profession that suits you.

15. On eating and food issues

There’s an old story about a woman who chopped off both ends of the roast before she put it in a pot and cooked it for dinner. When her husband asked her why she did this, she said her mother always did and that’s how she learned to do it. When the mother was asked, she said the same thing. When the grandmother was asked, she replied, “When I first got married, the pot I had to cook in was too small for most roasts, so I had to cut off the ends to make it fit.”

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Just because your mother did something, doesn’t mean you have to do it — and you don’t necessarily have to eat it either. If your parents are adamant that you clear your plate or only get two cookies after dinner, you might find yourself struggling with those issues once you leave home. Try and explore food on your own and make your own assertions about how and what to eat.

Featured photo credit: Mother and her son by the sea via shutterstock.com

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Tayyab Babar

Tayyab is a PR/Marketing consultant. He writes about work, productivity and tech tips at Lifehack.

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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