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15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

Most parents tell lies to their children as a method to change their manners and behavior. They use this method for many reasons, and the most important reason is protection. It might be tough to call these lies, because parents mostly use “white lies” to steer their children to the correct path in life. Here are a few of the most egregious lies your parents told you about life:

1. Your disillusion about marriage

When you are disillusioned about someone, your faith or beliefs are dashed. Your parents’ divorce might cause disillusionment over your romantic ideas of marriage. As a product of divorce, you may now believe that marriage is short-lived and divorce is unavoidable.

2. Importance of education

Another lie we heard from parents is about education. Going to good colleges and having a good major can increase the chances of getting a good job after graduation. But these days too many people are going to college, building thousands of dollars of debt, and are still unable to get jobs due to being “over educated.”

3. Your biased political views

A recent Texas Tech research suggests that parents have the biggest influence on our political beliefs. A political candidate you supported strongly could lose favor if that politician doesn’t follow through on your parents’ promises.

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4. Your fear of neglecting the norm

Parents want to instill their beliefs in their children and inform them of the troubles in going against the odds. Instead of adding our personal opinions about what is right or wrong, parents make wrong decisions by describing irrelevant facts of the different categories: Sex and Nudity, Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking.

5. Your faith in religion

In childhood, we are encouraged to seek out the faith and guidance from our religion. They will tell their children stories about religion; this is how we learn religion from parents. But if you look at different scandals, violence, war and controversy, at the root of almost every bad situation you might find religion.

6. Your preconceptions

Parents provide their child the first definitions of their existence. They teach their child through their every word, gesture, and action to inform the importance of his or her existence and how he or she is perceived by the outside world. Rather there should be a healthy self-concept, which means let the child have own belief about herself, not someone others opinion.

7. Exaggeration of their own character

This is a big one. Your parents might continuously sing their own praises about being the model child, and you should attempt to adopt that model. But if you ask your grandparents about your parents, they will tell you that your parents were, perhaps, way crazier than you. They just try to make you the best person, while exaggerating about themselves a lot.

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8. You need to be healthy and finish your food

Finish your food if you want to healthy! This is a common lie that is repeated in front of every child. You should not overeat, as it bad for your health. It’s predicted that in the next 20 years 50% of the population will have diabetes. So maybe we should try NOT finishing our dinner.

9. Mobile and laptop usage

Your parents might be lying to you if they tell you that you don’t need a cellphone or laptop in this day and age. While technically correct, if your parents want to be able to reach you while you are away from the house, a cellphone is likely necessary. If they want you to be able to do your school work, a laptop or tablet or probably important.

10. Watching too much TV will harm your eyesight

Parents always use this trick to keep their children way from television, no matter what the distance to the screen. As Children Health points out, parents should communicate to their kids that the TV is “for random entertainment, not for continuous relaxation.

11. Using imaginary characters

Some parents use imaginary characters to inspire or even frighten. If you were told that there are goblins or some other “monster” who might frighten you into proper behavior, your parents were lying — just as you might have been told about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other characters.

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12. Lies about money

Some parents tell their children that they must make a lot of money — usually to try and save them from pain they might have suffered in their own impoverished times. On the other hand, some parents say that money doesn’t buy happiness when in fact, money can solve a lot of problems that can make people unhappy. Whatever side you fall on, your parents likely have your best interests in mind, but you should make your own choices in regards to how much money you strive to make.

13. Having unwavering faith

We have been brought up to have firm faith on different things in our life.  Believing that our prayers are being heard, or anyone with a good reputation or popular leaders must be superior and respectable. Just for instance, you might have been brought up to believe that any person with a badge or a government-issued card are the people with our best interest at heart, so they must be right and respected— when in reality, they are sometimes no more honest than your fellow citizen.

14. Choosing profession

When we are young, our parents sometimes say that you can be whatever you want to be but in reality we can’t always. Maybe you could be a professional dancer, but really, they won’t encourage it. Or maybe, without hurting your feelings, they are trying to tell you that it’s not really a talent you have. Whatever your parents say, choose a profession that suits you.

15. On eating and food issues

There’s an old story about a woman who chopped off both ends of the roast before she put it in a pot and cooked it for dinner. When her husband asked her why she did this, she said her mother always did and that’s how she learned to do it. When the mother was asked, she said the same thing. When the grandmother was asked, she replied, “When I first got married, the pot I had to cook in was too small for most roasts, so I had to cut off the ends to make it fit.”

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Just because your mother did something, doesn’t mean you have to do it — and you don’t necessarily have to eat it either. If your parents are adamant that you clear your plate or only get two cookies after dinner, you might find yourself struggling with those issues once you leave home. Try and explore food on your own and make your own assertions about how and what to eat.

Featured photo credit: Mother and her son by the sea via shutterstock.com

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Tayyab Babar

Tayyab is a PR/Marketing consultant. He writes about work, productivity and tech tips at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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