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15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

15 Things Your Parents Lied to You About Life

Most parents tell lies to their children as a method to change their manners and behavior. They use this method for many reasons, and the most important reason is protection. It might be tough to call these lies, because parents mostly use “white lies” to steer their children to the correct path in life. Here are a few of the most egregious lies your parents told you about life:

1. Your disillusion about marriage

When you are disillusioned about someone, your faith or beliefs are dashed. Your parents’ divorce might cause disillusionment over your romantic ideas of marriage. As a product of divorce, you may now believe that marriage is short-lived and divorce is unavoidable.

2. Importance of education

Another lie we heard from parents is about education. Going to good colleges and having a good major can increase the chances of getting a good job after graduation. But these days too many people are going to college, building thousands of dollars of debt, and are still unable to get jobs due to being “over educated.”

3. Your biased political views

A recent Texas Tech research suggests that parents have the biggest influence on our political beliefs. A political candidate you supported strongly could lose favor if that politician doesn’t follow through on your parents’ promises.

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4. Your fear of neglecting the norm

Parents want to instill their beliefs in their children and inform them of the troubles in going against the odds. Instead of adding our personal opinions about what is right or wrong, parents make wrong decisions by describing irrelevant facts of the different categories: Sex and Nudity, Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking.

5. Your faith in religion

In childhood, we are encouraged to seek out the faith and guidance from our religion. They will tell their children stories about religion; this is how we learn religion from parents. But if you look at different scandals, violence, war and controversy, at the root of almost every bad situation you might find religion.

6. Your preconceptions

Parents provide their child the first definitions of their existence. They teach their child through their every word, gesture, and action to inform the importance of his or her existence and how he or she is perceived by the outside world. Rather there should be a healthy self-concept, which means let the child have own belief about herself, not someone others opinion.

7. Exaggeration of their own character

This is a big one. Your parents might continuously sing their own praises about being the model child, and you should attempt to adopt that model. But if you ask your grandparents about your parents, they will tell you that your parents were, perhaps, way crazier than you. They just try to make you the best person, while exaggerating about themselves a lot.

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8. You need to be healthy and finish your food

Finish your food if you want to healthy! This is a common lie that is repeated in front of every child. You should not overeat, as it bad for your health. It’s predicted that in the next 20 years 50% of the population will have diabetes. So maybe we should try NOT finishing our dinner.

9. Mobile and laptop usage

Your parents might be lying to you if they tell you that you don’t need a cellphone or laptop in this day and age. While technically correct, if your parents want to be able to reach you while you are away from the house, a cellphone is likely necessary. If they want you to be able to do your school work, a laptop or tablet or probably important.

10. Watching too much TV will harm your eyesight

Parents always use this trick to keep their children way from television, no matter what the distance to the screen. As Children Health points out, parents should communicate to their kids that the TV is “for random entertainment, not for continuous relaxation.

11. Using imaginary characters

Some parents use imaginary characters to inspire or even frighten. If you were told that there are goblins or some other “monster” who might frighten you into proper behavior, your parents were lying — just as you might have been told about Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other characters.

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12. Lies about money

Some parents tell their children that they must make a lot of money — usually to try and save them from pain they might have suffered in their own impoverished times. On the other hand, some parents say that money doesn’t buy happiness when in fact, money can solve a lot of problems that can make people unhappy. Whatever side you fall on, your parents likely have your best interests in mind, but you should make your own choices in regards to how much money you strive to make.

13. Having unwavering faith

We have been brought up to have firm faith on different things in our life.  Believing that our prayers are being heard, or anyone with a good reputation or popular leaders must be superior and respectable. Just for instance, you might have been brought up to believe that any person with a badge or a government-issued card are the people with our best interest at heart, so they must be right and respected— when in reality, they are sometimes no more honest than your fellow citizen.

14. Choosing profession

When we are young, our parents sometimes say that you can be whatever you want to be but in reality we can’t always. Maybe you could be a professional dancer, but really, they won’t encourage it. Or maybe, without hurting your feelings, they are trying to tell you that it’s not really a talent you have. Whatever your parents say, choose a profession that suits you.

15. On eating and food issues

There’s an old story about a woman who chopped off both ends of the roast before she put it in a pot and cooked it for dinner. When her husband asked her why she did this, she said her mother always did and that’s how she learned to do it. When the mother was asked, she said the same thing. When the grandmother was asked, she replied, “When I first got married, the pot I had to cook in was too small for most roasts, so I had to cut off the ends to make it fit.”

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Just because your mother did something, doesn’t mean you have to do it — and you don’t necessarily have to eat it either. If your parents are adamant that you clear your plate or only get two cookies after dinner, you might find yourself struggling with those issues once you leave home. Try and explore food on your own and make your own assertions about how and what to eat.

Featured photo credit: Mother and her son by the sea via shutterstock.com

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Tayyab Babar

Tayyab is a PR/Marketing consultant. He writes about work, productivity and tech tips at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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