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Last Updated on November 23, 2021

15 Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For (Though You Think You Do)

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15 Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For (Though You Think You Do)

Often, we apologize because we worry too much about what other people think, or because we put their feelings above our own needs. There are many situations where an apology is unnecessary.

Here are 15 things you should never apologize for, even if you think you should.

1. You Should Never Apologize for Loving Someone

Celebrate the fact that you are able to love. There are many people in the world too scared to take a chance on love in the first place. It doesn’t matter who you love or if they love you back. The fact that you can love is what’s important.

2. You Should Never Apologize for Saying No

Respecting your own limitations is a sign of self respect. If you cannot give 100 percent to something you should never apologize for saying no. The ability to say no is a sign of a good leader.

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3. You Should Never Apologize for Following a Dream

A life lived with regret is yours to miss. Never apologize for following a dream because that dream makes you who you are. You will never fulfill happiness unless you live your dreams instead of dreaming your life.

4. You Should Never Apologize for Taking “Me” Time

You will never be successful and fulfill your happiness unless you first take care of yourself. Always take care of your own needs and take “me time” to do things that make you happy.

5. You Should Never Apologize for Your Priorities

Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty over your priorities. Always take care of your own priorities first. If it’s important to you then it is important. The people who matter will respect your choice.

6. You Should Never Apologize for Ending a Toxic Relationship

You should never say that you are sorry for letting go of someone who hurts you. Understanding an unhealthy relationship holds you back from reaching your full potential is a huge step forward. Be proud and surround yourself with people who celebrate your courage.

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7. You Should Never Apologize for Your Imperfections

Imperfections are what makes you beautiful and unique. They should be embraced. Never say you’re sorry for a quality that makes you imperfectly perfect.

8. You Should Never Apologize for Standing your Ground

Never say you are sorry for defending your values, morals, ethics,religious or spiritual beliefs. Leaders never apologize for doing what they feel is right.

9. You Should Never Apologize for Not Knowing the Answer

The constant quest for knowledge keeps our brains young. Never say you’re sorry when presented with an opportunity to learn.  Being able to admit you do not know is a sign of strength and humility.

10. You Should Never Apologize for High Expectations

Never apologize for expecting the same of others as you expect of yourself. Having high expectations only means that you care enough about others to push them to be their best.

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11. You Should Never Apologize for Spending Money on Yourself

Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Buying yourself something nice improves your self esteem. Happy and successful people know their own desires are important to a fulfilling life.

12. You Should Never Apologize for Someone Else

Everyone is responsible for their own actions and behavior. You do not need to apologize for something someone else did even if you feel their actions reflect upon you through association.

13. You Should Never Apologize for Bad Dancing

Never say you’re sorry for not knowing a dance, or dancing it badly. Just dance! The joy dancing brings is worth any embarrassment.

14. You Should Never Apologize for a Delay in Your Response

Successful people understand that prioritizing sometimes means a delay in responding to emails and phone calls. Never apologize for not putting someone’s email or text on a back burner while you take care of more important things.

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15. You Should Never Apologize for Telling the Truth

Strong people tell the truth. Never apologize for being strong. Even if the truth hurts, the benefits of honesty far outweigh the initial sting of the truth.

Be true to who you are and don’t worry about what other people think. Over apologizing or saying I’m sorry when it’s not necessary reduces self-esteem over time. Save “I’m sorry” for when you actually make a mistake.

Featured photo credit: Nick Fewings via unsplash.com

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Missy Yost

Missy is a business owner and writes about everyday lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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