“We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one.”- President Barack Obama
I know so many fathers who were barely present when their children were growing up. Yet the father’s role is a most important one because, aside from providing a safe home, he must carry out the duties of fatherhood diligently. That includes loving support, guidance and encouragement in winning life’s battles. Here are 14 things a responsible father will never do.
1. He will never set a bad example.
How many times have you heard a father tell his kids that there are certain things they must not do, like losing their temper and behaving badly? The problem is that some fathers lose it and are not a role model for their kids at all. They lose their temper when driving and curse the other drivers loudly. They forget that kids copy behavior.
“Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.” – Charles F. Kettering.
2. He will never beat or spank his kids.
An irresponsible father uses physical violence and beating to impose the rules. But a good disciplinarian knows how to use other methods which are far more effective in the long term. Using violence is teaching a child that aggression is one way of dealing with conflict.Advertising
3. He will never cancel prime time with his kids.
Children expect parents to be present. Workaholic fathers never carve out time to be with their kids and they feel neglected and abandoned. Enjoying games, movies and outings together is precious and a really good father knows that and will rarely cancel because of some urgent work commitment.
4. He will never forget important milestones.
Fathers have to remember the milestones in their kids’ lives and make a firm commitment to be there. These can be anything from an important match to a birthday party or graduation from high school. The best way to get to know a child really well is by following his progress and achievements. When fathers fail to turn up, kids are really disappointed.
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”- William Shakespeare
5. He will never criticize his kids unfairly.
You know the scene. Fathers tend to pick holes and criticize their kids’ efforts and belittle them. They do not realize that when a kid washes the car, they need to encourage them by praising them for doing a good job. If they have missed some dirty spots, the responsible father tells his kids that they should go over the car and check for the smaller spots they may have missed. It is also a way of teaching kids to do the job well.
When I told my father that I was doing my best, his reply was “Your best isn’t good enough!’ It was very discouraging.Advertising
6. He will never let his relationship with his spouse affect the way he treats his kids.
When conflict and tension begin to sour marriages, kids are often the first to suffer. An unloving and uncaring father will let his resentment take over and may well spend less time with the kids as a way of getting even with his wife or partner. A responsible father will always let his precious values dominate family life.
7. He will never show disrespect.
When a father loves and respects his spouse and kids, this sets the tone for family relationships. But when a father allows disrespect and bitterness to flourish and never hides this from his kids, they will never be able to love and respect him. This should be reciprocal and it is an essential element in responsible fatherhood.
8. He will never be authoritarian.
Most parenting experts point out the difference between being authoritarian and authoritative. The former means that the father is always right and imposes the rules in a very harsh and often violent manner. Being authoritative means that the father will offer his kids choices and chances to grow in a warm and supportive environment. You can read more about this is Laurence Steinberg’s book called We Know Some Things: Adolescent-parent Relationships in Retrospect and Prospect.
9. He will never be totally permissive.
The other end of the spectrum is where fathers allow their kids free rein to do what they like and they thoroughly spoil them. This is totally irresponsible because the real world out there is full of obstacles, limits and rules. Being permissive is the worst possible way you can bring up a child because he or she will never function well in society.
“People are saying it takes a village to raise a child, but first it takes a mother and a father, who are understanding, compassionate, nurturing, and responsible – working together to instil discipline, character, integrity, and responsibility in their children.”- Charles Ballard
10. He will never be detached.
Irresponsible fathers put their children at considerable risk. They refuse or cannot be bothered to look after them while playing or when they need emotional support. Such detachment is bound to lead to injury at a physical and psychological level. This is the view of Anita Gurian who is a professor at the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry unit at the NYUMedicalSchool.
11. He will never lie to his children.
“So my father was a person who never lied to me. If I had a question, he answered it. I knew a lot of things at a young age because I was intrigued.” – Nick Cannon.
Research shows that by the age of 5, children are expert liars! Many of them have learned the art from watching their own parents lie. The parents sometimes tell them how to do it by suggesting they lie to their grandparents to pretend they like their presents. Another favorite is to ask them to tell callers that they are not at home when they are in. There are even parents who are prepared to lie about their residency to get them into a better school. They risk up to 20 years in prison if they do that. What a great example!
It is therefore a surprise to learn that parents get upset when their own kids lie to them. But who taught them? A responsible father or mother will know the dangers of lying and will always try to tell them the truth.
12. He will never ignore a plea for help.
When things go all wrong, it is terrible if your father is not there or even willing to listen. He never has any time for his kids. The kids feel that they have no one to turn to unless Mom will help out. There is now much debate in the UK about changing the Dickensian laws on neglect of children which were introduced in the Victorian era. The proposed law would make child neglect a criminal offence.Advertising
13. He will never insult his kids.
I know some very strict and rather harsh fathers who make a habit of insulting or deriding their kids. They call them stupid, lazy and untidy, just to mention a few. There is always something to criticize and they are doing this in front of friends, relatives and even colleagues. The responsible father will err on the side of over praising and encouraging their children so that they never have low self-esteem.
14. He will never stop loving his kids.
“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”- Sigmund Freud.
A responsible father will never stop loving his kids in any conditions. Even when marriages break up, a father must always maintain contact, even if he is at the other end of the world. It is so important for the mother not to ruin or pollute the child’s view of his father. The same goes for the father because very often parents use the sad event to denigrate the other partner. This is why parents should always encourage their kids to set up a Skype account so that they can still maintain contact.
Do you have happy or unhappy memories of your father? What made him the best or worst dad in the world? Let us know in the comments.
Featured photo credit: Grandfather and grandson. black and white. Focus on child via shutterstock.comAdvertising
Last Updated on August 20, 2018
60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life
Sometimes it’s easier to focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do have. It’s important to take time out and remember all of the things to be thankful for that many of us take for granted.
Here you’ll find 60 very solid things to be thankful for in your everyday life. These are great reminders for you to treasure everything you have.
1. Good Health
Even if you’re health isn’t great, it could be worse and you likely still have some working parts to be thankful for.
2. Money in the Bank
Having just a few coins makes you richer than most people on Earth.
3. Good Friends
Often, it’s the quality of friendships, not the quantity.
4. Freedom of Religion
Being able to worship whomever and however you want is something many people don’t ever experience.
5. Your Parents
Even if they’re dysfunctional, they gave you life.
There’s something magical about weekends.
7.Having a Partner
Being in a romantic relationship can teach you so much about the world and yourself.
Pets offer one of the best examples of unconditional love.
9. Learning from Mistakes
If we never made mistakes, we wouldn’t learn much so it is one of those things we should be thankful for.
10. Opportunity to Get an Education
The opportunity to attend school is something many people don’t have.
11. Having a Home
Whether you live in an apartment, a mansion, or a tent, having a place to call home is something to be thankful for.
12. An Ability to Read
If you’re reading this right now, you have a lot to be thankful for.
13. Breathing Fresh Air
Being able to step outside to breathe in fresh air is a good reminder how many little things we should be thankful for.
14. A Bed to Sleep
A bed is one of those things that’s easy to take for granted, until you don’t have one.
Without laughter, the world would be a sad place.
16. Safety and Security
Being able to wake up without immense fear frees us up to really live life.
Without cars, it would take a lot longer to get our activities done.
The sun’s warmth can brighten any day.
Although we often don’t think there’s enough of it, time is something we shouldn’t take for granted.
20. Clean Water
Many people on earth lack access to clean water.
21. Cell Phones
Cell phones make talking to loved ones easy.
The world sure would be a different place if we lacked the ability to love.
Books provide an opportunity to enter another world all from the comfort of your own home.
24. Kindness of Strangers
Never take the kindness of a stranger for granted.
The simplicity of a campfire creates lifelong memories.
Without pain, it would be difficulty to appreciate life’s joys.
The world would be less beautiful if art didn’t exist.
Any reason to celebrate is something we should be thankful for.
29. Freedom of Speech
Being able to express your thoughts and feelings freely should never be taken for granted.
The beauty of a rainbow is unmatched.
Sometimes when there are no words to say, tears express how we feel for us.
32. Waking up Today
Simply waking up today means you have things to be thankful for.
33. Indoor Plumbing
Indoor plumbing not only provides convenience, it spares us from disease.
34. Wisdom that Comes with Age
Thankfully, we grow smarter over time.
Mountains provide us with beauty and recreation.
Being able to see allows us to view the world’s beauty.
37. Grocery Stores
Grocery stores mean we don’t have to spend all of our time getting our own food.
Sunsets are a reminder that we should enjoy the simple things in life.
Entertainment gives us a way to relax and enjoy life.
40. Your Mind
Being able to think, remember, and solve problems sure makes life easier.
Even if you don’t like your job, being employed means someone thought you were special enough to hire.
The world would be a boring place without diversity.
43. Moon and Stars
The moon and stars encourage us to dream.
Electricity makes most of our chores efficient.
45. Air Conditioning
Staying cool on a hot day is something people wouldn’t have dreamed about in past centuries.
Being able to hear your loved one’s voice is something that not everyone gets to do.
Watching children laugh, grow, and dream can keep things in perspective.
48. Ability to Learn
The ability to learn new things means we have endless potential.
49. People Willing to Teach
Whether it’s your grandmother teaching you to knit or your plumber showing you how to prevent future problems, be grateful that others are willing to use their time and talents to teach you something new.
The sea creatures in the ocean almost seem too mystical to be real.
51. Modern Medicine
Without advances in modern medicine, many of us wouldn’t be alive.
Music brings out new emotions.
Some of life’s best inventions resulted from an entrepreneur who was willing to take a risk.
54. Warm Clothing
On a cold day, there’s nothing more important than warm clothing.
55. Freedom to Vote
Being able to have a say in the laws should never be taken for granted.
56. An Internet Connection
It’s hard to believe how easy it is to take the internet for granted, seeing how none of us had just a couple of decades ago.
Without challenges in life, we wouldn’t be the people we are now.
58. Hiking Trails
Hiking trails give us the chance to enjoy mother’s nature beauty.
Many of us wouldn’t be alive without today’s vaccinations.
60. Armed Forces
Our lives would likely be very different if we didn’t have protection from the armed forces.
Realizing all the things you should be thankful for is the first step, practicing gratitude is what you should start doing:
Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com