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15 Things Parents Don’t Need To Feel Guilty About

15 Things Parents Don’t Need To Feel Guilty About

Do you ever feel guilty about your parenting skills? Many parents berate themselves for the little things, even when they are doing a great job of raising a child.

Parents are not robots – here are 15 things parents don’t need to feel guilty about.

1. Letting Your Child Watch TV

Although you like the idea of raising your child without television, you’re not sure when you’d ever get anything done. The peaceful half an hour while your child watches cartoons is one of the only chances you get to clean the house – and it’s a total godsend. Don’t feel guilty about it.

2. Enjoying Your Job

Loving your child doesn’t have to mean you have to always hate being apart from them. Before you had a child, it is likely you felt passionate and invested in your job. Having a child doesn’t change that, and you don’t need to feel guilty about enjoying your work – you simply have something else in your life that you love and adore.

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3. Having Secret Treats For Yourself

Being a parent is extremely rewarding and fun, but it can also be difficult and tiring. So if you love expensive chocolate, treat yourself – and feel free to keep it at the back of the cupboard, hidden behind supermarket brand chocolate. You’re doing a great job, and you deserve it!

4. Needing Alone Time When Your Children Are Awake

Having a child often means you don’t get much time alone, but giving birth doesn’t mean you have to sign away all of your rights to privacy. After a hard day, it’s okay to shut your bedroom door for half an hour so you can read a good book – you’re still right there if your children need you.

5. Taking A Vacation With Your Friends Or Family

Every parent needs the occasional break, and a short trip away can rejuvenate you and leave you feeling amazing. You know your children would hate to stay in a spa for a few days (the other guests probably wouldn’t enjoy it, either), so lie back and enjoy your back massage, safe in the knowledge your children are probably being spoiled rotten by their grandparents.

6. Worrying About Your Child’s Development

Parents can often become competitive when talking to other parents about their children, which can make you feel competitive, too – and then guilty later!
From potty training to your child still sucking their thumb, try not to feel guilty that you’re worried about your child’s development. You’re doing fine as a parent, and your child will naturally develop at their own pace.

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7. Not Volunteering At Your Child’s School

Every day you make sure your child is dressed, fed, clean and happy – and this is a huge accomplishment in itself! It can take the whole day, too; you have no idea how other parents factor in time to hand out folders or snacks at school.

8. Yelling at Your Child When They Haven’t Done Anything Wrong

At some point as a parent – probably after a particularly long and stressful day, you may find yourself raising your voice with your child, even though they don’t deserve it. It’s very hard not to feel guilty about this, but you are only human, and it can be a useful opportunity to explain to your child that even parents make mistakes sometimes.

9. Feeding Your Child Junk Food

Many parents feel guilty about feeding their child junk food, but after a stressful day sometimes the drive-through is the best option for both you and your kids. Many parents use junk food as an occasional treat for their children; don’t forget that it isn’t poisonous, it just isn’t very nutritious! As long as you don’t make it a daily occurrence, let yourself off the hook for this.

10. Giving In To Your Children

Every so often you will surrender to your children and give them whatever they want – normally so you can have ten minutes of peace and quiet. You normally stick to your guns, so don’t feel guilty that you occasionally give in; it helps to keep you sane!

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11. Letting Your Parents Or Partner Take Your Children To Places You Don’t Like

Theme parks, swimming pools and Disney concerts are busy, filled with queues, and really loud. For you it is a nightmare, but for your children it is heaven – as well as a great childhood memory.
You don’t need to feel guilty if you occasionally miss these events; you know you’ll never miss any important event in their lives.

12. Being Unable To Afford Expensive Extras

Some parents are lucky enough to be able to send their children to music lessons and ballet classes, but that isn’t the most important part of being a parent. Try not to feel guilty about this one; the most important thing to give your child is love.

There are also lots of free and cheap ways to benefit your child, such as local parks and libraries.

13. Looking Forward To Your Child Going To Bed

Never feel guilty about looking forward to some alone time with a glass of wine – everyone deserves time alone, even parents! Don’t forget that this morning you were probably looking forward to spending the evening hearing about your child’s day.

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14. Finding Some Parts Of Being A Parent Tiresome

You love your child, and sometimes you are taken aback by the funny, intelligent and beautiful little person you have made. However, you still find it irritating that you have told your child at least 200 times to put their clothes in the laundry basket.

15. Throwing Away Old School Projects

There are some paintings your child has done that you will cherish forever, and are priceless to you. The only thing is, your child comes home from school with about ten different arty creations every week; if you kept them all, your house could star in an episode of Horders.

Featured photo credit: Young mother and father with newborn via shutterstock.com

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2019

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Step right up, don’t be shy!

Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

Culturally Conditioned

We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

1. Broadens Your Network

After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

2. Improves Your Communication Skills

I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

3. Continually Learning

So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

4. Increases Self Confidence

Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

How to Talk to Strangers

Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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1. Say Hello

Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

2. Ask About Them

Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

3. Just Do It

One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

4. Don’t Take It Personal

One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

6. Detach

A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

7. Share Your Stories

Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

8. Give a Compliment

Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

9. Relax Your Body Language

If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice

Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

The Bottom Line

As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

More Resources About Strengthening Communication Skills

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Reference

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