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15 Things Everyone Should Stop Doing For A Better Life

15 Things Everyone Should Stop Doing For A Better Life

“The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed – it is a process of elimination.”
-Elbert Hubbard

My desire to have a better life has been with me for as long as I can remember.  What I believed a “better life” would be for me in my twenties was very different than what I believe a better life is for me now thirty years later. In my twenties, a ‘better life” was focused more on the material things (car, house, clothes), which I believed would make me happy. In reality, looking back at me at 26 years old, those material things probably would have made me happy.

Now a ‘better life” for me is more about living my dream with lots of passion, lots of laughter and love, which of course brings happiness to me. Not a material thing in sight! Even though our definition of what a better life is can change over the years, the steps we take to how we can attain that “better life” doesn’t really change. As Elbert Hubbard said, a sculptor creates the beautiful statue through a process of chipping away the parts of the marble that are not needed. This process of elimination is what we need to take on board as we try to eliminate those things  that we do which prevent us from attaining a “better life for ourselves”.

The list of 15 things to stop doing has no order of priority – only you can decide which of the 15 things are the most important for you to stop doing.  Also, if you do want to create change in your life, get clear on the definition of what a better life is for YOU. This will help you identify the key things that you need to STOP DOING so that you can have a better life.

1. Stop overcomplicating your life. 

Complexity creates confusion and hides solutions in a haze of fog. It is very hard to be creative and innovative when you are bogged down with complexity and detail. Complexity will also prevent you from being open to finding the solutions that are often right in front of you.

 “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated”
-Confucius

2. Stop adding BAD stress to your life.

Being too busy, working too hard on things you really don’t like doing, striving for perfection, taking on more responsibilities because you think it makes you feel valued and ending up having too many things to do takes away time for you to JUST BE YOU. Bad stress is harmful to your health and I don’t need to quote all the scientific research that supports how harmful bad stress can be. To be blunt, BAD STRESS over a continuous period of time will KILL YOU – so if you are prone to creating BAD STRESS in your life PLEASE STOP. Figure out WHY you are doing this to yourself and change.

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Stress is not what happens to us. 
It’s our response TO what happens. 
And RESPONSE is something we can choose
-Maureen Killoran

3. Stop regretting your actions from your past, what you haven’t achieved and what you have lost.

The past is over and what is more important is where you are now and where you want to be in the future. All your past experiences, mistakes and failures in your life have prepared you for living your life in the present and in the future. Acknowledge your past and what you have learnt, then let the past go and move forward to the future

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in”
Katherine Mansfield

4. Stop saying you have NO TIME.

Whether it’s to be with a friend, to visit your elderly aunt, to watch the sunset or sunrise, to have a holiday, to read a book, to sleep peacefully, or to go to a funeral, our time is so precious and you will never know when you run out of time. With no time, you can miss the most precious and beautiful moments in your life. With no time, you will put off all the important things you know you should do however choose not to do because you say you have no time.

“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.”
Lao Tzu

5. Stop choosing to be fearful about the future, about making mistakes, about following your dream, about change.

Fear is paralyzing and it will stop you from making any changes in your life. Your limiting self beliefs will control your thoughts and actions and will fuel your fear. You must deal with these limiting beliefs and know why it is that you are so FEARFUL. Acknowledge your fear and act anyway and I guarantee you will feel liberated and free!

” Fear is a powerful force that somehow does not allow many people to get what they want in Life”
-David Schwartz

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6. Stop procrastinating about all those things you say you want to do but never get around to doing.

Whether it’s taking up a cooking class, learning another language, going back to university, following your dream, writing a book, taking drama or painting classes, go do it. Take a trip to Europe, go to the gym, get fit and lose weight. Figure out what is important to you and what makes you happy and then go do it. I especially love what James Surowiecki says about procrastination!!

“Lack of confidence, sometimes alternating with unrealistic dreams of heroic success, often leads to procrastination, and many studies suggest that procrastinators are self-handicappers: rather than risk failure, they prefer to create conditions that make success impossible, a reflex that of course creates a vicious cycle.”
James Surowiecki

7. Stop looking to others for your happiness because your happiness can only come from within you.

When you look to others to make you happy, it is a sign that you are not being true to yourself. It is a dangerous thing to do because we can convince ourselves that being with the people we love does make us happy, however that is only part of the equation to you being happy. The message is pretty clear “only you can make yourself happy” and its important to figure what it is that you need to do to be fulfilled and happy.

“The greatest gift we give to someone who loves us is simply to be happy”
-Robert Brault

8. Stop comparing your life to others because they will have a better life than you and you will always feel miserable.

If you are doing this, then please stop and focus on doing things that build your self confidence and self belief in you.

“Comparison is the death of joy.”
Mark Twain

9. Stop waiting for the right time.

Don’t wait for the “right time” for you to take action, to make the change, to leave your job, to follow your dream, to do what ever it is that you need to do to be happy and have a better life. There never is a right time to be courageous, to initiate change and chase your dreams. If you choose to keep waiting for the right time, accept that your life will pass by and you will never attain that life you desire. Choose not to wait and you will have that life you so desire. Very simple!

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“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have……. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin”
Shauna Niequist

10. Stop running from your problems and taking the path of least resistance.

This is so easy to do. I use to be the Queen of Running away and looking for the easiest way out of a problem. However, I learnt over the years that the problem will come after you and will be waiting for you at the finish line. Running away from a problem or choosing the easy option does not give you a sense of achievement or make you feel courageous. Life is not perfect and its full of challenges, hard times and bad times. The challenges and problems we have in our lives have to be dealt with, and sometimes we have to be courageous and make difficult decisions.

You get hit the hardest when trying to run or hide from a problem. Like the defence on a football field, putting all focus on evading only one defender is asking to be blindsided.”
Criss Jami

11. Stop spending time with the wrong people as this will sap you of your energy, create friction in your life and get you nowhere.

This is a tough one to manage because there are times in our lives particularly in our work lives where we do come in contact with people who are not good for us. To stop spending time with the wrong people you may need to be quite strategic in how you manage the interaction with them. The goal here is to minimize the impact they have on your life. However, if you choose to spend time with people who are sucking happiness from you, then you need to remove yourself from these relationships. The relationship you have with these people is toxic and will only bring unhappiness to your life.

The worst regret we can have in life is not for the wrong things we did,but for the thousands of right things we did for the wrong people”
-Unknown

12. Stop focusing on what you DONT want to happen – focus on what you DO want to happen.

When you are focusing on what you don’t want to happen, it is a sign that you don’t know what you want in life and you are not committed to making the changes you need to make in order for you to create a better life. There is no desire, no motivation and no vision of your future. If you don’t have these things then all you will do is focus on what can go wrong and how bad it will be for you. Flip the coin – get your life vision sorted, get motivated and commit to making the changes you need to make to have a great life. Once again, its simple, but it requires work and perseverance from you.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside awakens.”
-Carl Jung 

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13. Stop trying to be someone you are not because you will end up confused about who you are.

You will end up doing things that will be in conflict with your value system. For a period of time you will be able to convince yourself that you have done the right things and you will have all the excuses lined up in your head as to why your actions or behaviour was justified. After a while the feeling of discontentment and unhappiness will rise to the surface and you will have a choice – either ignore it and continue with the feeling of discontent OR stop being that person that you don’t like being. If you stop being that yucky person your life will get better.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

14. Stop putting other people’s needs before yours – spend time getting to know you and look after yourself.

If you are doing this then you are not taking care of your needs and you are being a martyr –  which may not serve you well. Being a martyr to me is about personal sacrifice for the benefit of others and that role is really only for people who have been ordained Saints! Not everybody is a Saint and it doesn’t mean that if you are not a Saint, you are a bad person. Ask yourself “why is it that I sacrifice my needs over those of others?”.The answer may be that, you believe that by putting others needs before yours makes you feel loved?? I read this wonderful book called the FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE  and it helped me get perspective on what I need to show and feel love. Here is the website – 5 Love Languages –  go have a look and figure out what it is you need to do to express love and to be loved,

“It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others.”
Dalai Lama XIV

15. Stop beating yourself up.

No matter what it is, stop beating yourself up about not being great, not being perfect, being too fat, not being good enough, not being intelligent enough – just stop beating yourself up.

“Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing the answers. You don’t always have to know who you are. You don’t have to have the big picture, or know where you’re heading. Sometimes, it’s enough just to know what you’re going to do next.”
Sophie KinsellaThe Undomestic Goddess

Featured photo credit: Anita Peppers via morguefile.com

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Kathryn Sandford

Career Resilience Coach passionate about supporting others to grow and thrive in a complex world.

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Last Updated on September 28, 2020

30 Powerful Success and Failure Quotes That Will Lead You to Success

30 Powerful Success and Failure Quotes That Will Lead You to Success

No one can live a positive life without failing. However, many people experience a fear of failure, despite its inevitability in life. Failure, as you will see from these 30 success and failure quotes, is the key ingredient for the recipe of success!

Today’s society is obsessed with success and achievement, and failure is definitely NOT part of the equation. Failure and making mistakes is hidden away or seen as a human weakness.

However, if you avoid making mistakes in life, struggle to do everything right, and are obsessed with perfection and order, then living and experiencing a successful and happy life is going to be impossible.

Embrace your failure, whether it is one failure or many failures, because with the right attitude and a willingness to learn from your mistakes, you are guaranteed a lifetime of success. Here are some uplifting quotes about failure and success to help you get started.

1. “Never let success get to your head; never let failure get to your heart.” -Anonymous

This quote is important for those of us who feel downtrodden after every failure, heartbroken, if you will. If you let failure get you down for more than a couple of days, you’re wasting away your chance to bounce back from it.

On the other hand, if you allow yourself to build an inflated ego after every success, future failures may be even harder to cope with. Maintain a sense of humility and gratitude for each success and failure you find.

2. “Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie?” -Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe is spot on with this one. The first person who should be there to catch you when you fall is you. You have to be your own best advocate, the person to build you up when it feels like everything is going wrong. The others in your support system are just icing on the cake.

3. “You always pass failure on your way to success.” -Mickey Rooney

In today’s competitive world, it’s hard to understand that almost no one experiences failure before they experience genuine, lasting success. Failure is what forces you to learn in order to achieve that goal you’ve been working up to.

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4. “Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.” -Chinese proverb

Everyone falls. Those who refuse to pick themselves back up, no matter if it’s after two days or two years, are the true failures.

5. “Successful people don’t fear failure but understand that it’s necessary to learn and grow from.” -Robert Kiyosaki

There are many success and failure quotes on this idea, and that’s because it’s so very important. Learning doesn’t happen when things are easy. It happens when things get tough and you have to find a way through challenges.

6. “The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.” -Barack Obama

No one can escape failure. If you let it keep you down and shying away from achieving your goals, you’ve failed again. If you learn from it and continue on your path toward greatness, it wasn’t a true failure but a lesson.

7. “Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” -Og Mandion

Determination is one of the best antidotes to failure. Even if you take two steps forward and one step back, you’re still moving forward with grit and determination. Keep going!

8. “Fear regret more than failure.” -Taryn Rose

At the end of your life, what do you think you’ll feel worst about, failing or never trying?

9. “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” -Nelson Mandela

If anyone has enough insight to offer us success and failure quotes, it’s Nelson Mandela. He learned that that path to success (and freedom) is full of setbacks. His determination, however, led him to make amazing changes in the world around him. Now that’s success.

10. “The secret of life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” -Paulo Coelho

Each time you get back up, it will get easier and easier, and you’ll realize each time that those failures are the greatest lessons life will ever give you.

11. “Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” -Napoleon Hill

Unfortunately, many people stop trying after a large failure comes their way. They lose their confidence, determination, and will. However, success usually follows quickly behind these huge failures because you’ve inevitably learned what not to do.

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Don’t stop with the huge failure. Take a few more steps and see if it gets you where you wanted to go.

12. I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas Alva Edison

Through his success and failure quotes, Thomas Edison shows us that failures are only truly failures if you don’t learn the lesson they offer.

13. “It’s fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” -Bill Gates

Celebrating success feels good, but learning the lessons of failure is where growth occurs[1], which can lead you to even greater successes.

14. “The only thing that separates success from failure is one last attempt. Try one more time and you will get lucky.” -Apoorve Dubey

Every success comes from an attempt. If you don’t try one more time, you’ll never know if it could’ve been your big chance at big success.

15. “Failure is a detour; not a dead-end street.” -Zig Ziglar

Many people get impatient with failure. They feel that it’s a stopping point, or a road that’s too long to walk. However, the patience to take that new road is exactly what’s necessary to find success. If success is easy to find, it likely won’t last very long.

16. “In the real world, very smart people fail, and mediocre people rise. Part of what makes people fail or succeed are skills that have nothing to do with IQ. Also, the idea that intelligence can be gauged by an IQ test is erroneous.” -Camille Paglia

Failure is not a sign of a lack of intelligence, as Paglia suggests. Failure is a sign of great intelligence and great courage. She also points out the important point that intelligence takes many forms, and it’s often the grit and maturity to accept failure for the temporary setback that it is.

17. “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” -Oprah Winfrey

Queens will always be queens, no matter if they experience success or failure. And you will always be you, so use that to your advantage, and take the risk of failure in order to reach success.

18. “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” -J.K. Rowling

Living a life free of failure generally means you have lived a boring, uneventful life. Is it really worth it?

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19. “You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” -Richard Branson

If you’ve ever watched a child learn to walk, you know that Branson’s success and failure quotes are true. Children are determined. They fall, and they get back up. And then they learn, and soon they’re running.

20. “Success or failure is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacity.” -Walter Scott

Scott knows that intelligence is less of a determining factor in success than determination or ruthless optimism. Set yourself up for success by cultivating both.

21. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again. That is why I succeed.” -Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan knows failure, and yet we know him as an incredibly successful person. Why? Because he never let the failures stop him from moving on.

22. “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” -José N. Harris

The secrets to success are pretty simple, and living a full life is only possible once you learn that getting up after a failure will bring a great sense of satisfaction and joy.

23. “All people fail at certain instances in their lives, the only thing that makes them different is how they manage to stand up or how they choose to fail again.” -Unknown

If you fail, you’re like the vast majority of the world. What makes you different is how you choose to respond.

24. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” -Robert Kennedy

If you aim high, even if you fall short you’ll still likely be ahead of the majority of people. Take the time in life to fail greatly because that’s where you’ll find your true self.

25. “Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.” -Michael Eisner

If you continue to make the same mistakes, you’re not learning from your failures. This is when it becomes a destructive habit instead of a moment to propel you toward success.

26. “If you are afraid of failure, you don’t deserve to be successful.” -Charles Barkley

Only those who are willing to accept the hard emotions that come along with failure will be those who will enjoy the good feelings of genuine success.

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27. “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. It is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end street.” -William A. Ward

In his success and failure quotes, Ward points out something important. Failure is often seen as a death stroke, something that stops our success. If we shift our perspective and look upon failure as a teacher instead, we will likely feel very differently about those moments in our life and see that failure is delay, not death.

28. “Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons from the failure. So that in the end, she didn’t fail at all.” -Maya Angelou

We’ve been here before. Failure is only failure if you don’t learn from it. Let yourself get a bad grade on the test; you’ll study differently next time. Let yourself fail at a relationship; you know how to build a healthier relationship next time.

Every failure brings a lesson. Learn it and move on.

29. “Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know.” -William Saroyan

If you think of the moments you learned and grew the most, were they easy times or hard times? Challenges make us better, smarter people[2]. You don’t get wise through an easy life.

30. “Don’t fear failure—not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” -Bruce Lee

If you try to achieve something great, even a failure feels like a success. At least you had the courage to try. That’s more than most can say.

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Featured photo credit: Gabrielle Henderson via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Harvard Business Review: Strategies for Learning from Failure
[2] Psychology Today: How Greater Challenges Help You Grow

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