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15 Best Things About Being Married That Only Wedded Couples Understand

15 Best Things About Being Married That Only Wedded Couples Understand

There’s nothing like being married! Yes, marriage is work, but with just the right amount of effort from both parties, coupled with love and a willingness to go the distance, a marriage can be blissful from the moment you say “I do” to the time both of you are old, sitting in rocking chairs, holding hands and reflecting on the moments in your life that mattered most to you. I’d like to share the 15 best things about being married that only the wedded couples understand.

1. You get to share everything.

When the two of you come together, what used to be “mine”, now becomes “ours”. You learn to be around one another in a new space, and you grow to understand that everything in a marriage is about each other. From the food you eat to the toothpaste you use, all of it belongs to both of you.

2. You learn that all marriages have their ups and downs, but the laughs along the way are the most fulfilling.

Will Smith said it best: “If you can be yourselves around each other, 100% of the time, and they can make you laugh like no one else can, you’ll never have a dull moment together.” Yes, stressful moments are a part of life, but the good thing is, you have each other to make it through. You’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and laugh at those times because you’ll realize it wasn’t as serious as you thought.

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3. You have the greatest shopping partner and a true ride-or-die.

Believe it or not, but your mate is the one that will see you more than any other person. And regardless of how you think you look, he thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. He will tell you the truth about what’s hot and what’s not! I can attest to having an awesome time with my husband, no matter what we do or where we go. He will pick out my clothes and be with me for hours at the mall and not complain. When married, you get to learn so much about each other’s personality, likes and dislikes, sense of fashion, and what they are willing to do for you, when others won’t.

4. You get to build a legacy for your children.

You and your spouse get the distinct responsibility to raise your children with morals and values that will sustain them throughout life. You also get the chance to leave a mark on them that cannot be erased. You, as a couple, get to start immediately with identifying the things you want for your children and create opportunities that will allow your children to carry the mission and vision of your family for years to come.

5. You get to study your mate throughout your marriage.

There are many that feel that you have to date your mate for years in order to learn all you can about that person. While that may be true, you need to understand that there’s no way to figure a person out in three or four years compared to the lifetime you will spend with that person once married. Each day is a learning experience with your spouse. Take the time, because time is definitely on your side as long as you are married.

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6. You get to see them for who they really are before others do.

When they wake up in the morning with hair out of place and morning breath, you are there to observe it. However, that is when the beauty of the person you married truly shines through. If you have to have a person who is always dressed to the nines and in make-up or your favorite cologne, then others are only looking at your surface. As a married couple, you find that it’s much deeper than that.

7. You get to date your spouse every day.

Just because you go to the altar doesn’t mean dating stops! It should only increase and get better! My husband and I love to be spontaneous about where we go and what we do together. It’s not uncommon that we meet up at new places for lunch, or take the time during the day when most people work and go play golf. Each time we do, we know it’s another chance to date and share our love as well as our pastimes.

8. You get to work together to solve problems.

No one person has to be concerned about circumstances that many times are beyond his or her control. Two heads are better than one. When you come together to solve problems, it takes the weight off of one another. Also consulting a higher power other than yourselves keeps things in perspective for your household and family.

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9. You get to experience true levels of intimacy, other than just sex.

With the work of caring for kids, working a 9 to 5, cooking, cleaning, doing chores, after school activities, and handling different affairs, I know that sex may be last on the list at times. However, in between time, there are other things that married couples do that still shows intimacy. We find time to talk, hug, kiss, and be vulnerable towards each other. Those things will let your spouse know how much you care.

10. You get to be on the same team.

No one likes to feel that they are alone in a marriage. However, having a spouse that comforts you, cheers you on, and celebrates your accomplishments means that despite what others think, he or she will always work in harmony with you, not against you.

11. You get to turn the flame up in your marriage.

What better way to know your mate than to learn what keeps them attracted to you. My grandmother always used to say, “Whatever you do to get that man is the same thing you do to keep that man!” She was so right. Whether it’s role play, foreplay, or stay and play, do it! Obviously, that’s what he or she fell in love with!

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12. You keep honesty and integrity the focal point of your marriage dealings.

Trust is the foundation of any marriage. Honesty and integrity must be present so each person is comfortable in the decisions of the other because both parties are always in agreement.

13. You get to find out the true purpose of your marriage.

The purpose of your marriage is to always hold each other in high regard and to defend the sanctity of your marriage at all times. No relationship fires can stop what has been blessed. That is a marriage based on purpose and one that will last a lifetime.

14. You understand that giving is a two-way street.

Giving is the ultimate sacrifice. It comes from the heart and shows you are selfless. There’s no “I” and “my” but “us” and “we”. When you give to your spouse, it comes from a healthy place inside that says “what I have belongs to you”. No other person gets that privilege quite like your spouse.

15. You get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

Who could ask for more?

Featured photo credit: Got the Giggles/Simon Powell via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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