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15 Best Things About Being Married That Only Wedded Couples Understand

15 Best Things About Being Married That Only Wedded Couples Understand

There’s nothing like being married! Yes, marriage is work, but with just the right amount of effort from both parties, coupled with love and a willingness to go the distance, a marriage can be blissful from the moment you say “I do” to the time both of you are old, sitting in rocking chairs, holding hands and reflecting on the moments in your life that mattered most to you. I’d like to share the 15 best things about being married that only the wedded couples understand.

1. You get to share everything.

When the two of you come together, what used to be “mine”, now becomes “ours”. You learn to be around one another in a new space, and you grow to understand that everything in a marriage is about each other. From the food you eat to the toothpaste you use, all of it belongs to both of you.

2. You learn that all marriages have their ups and downs, but the laughs along the way are the most fulfilling.

Will Smith said it best: “If you can be yourselves around each other, 100% of the time, and they can make you laugh like no one else can, you’ll never have a dull moment together.” Yes, stressful moments are a part of life, but the good thing is, you have each other to make it through. You’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and laugh at those times because you’ll realize it wasn’t as serious as you thought.

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3. You have the greatest shopping partner and a true ride-or-die.

Believe it or not, but your mate is the one that will see you more than any other person. And regardless of how you think you look, he thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. He will tell you the truth about what’s hot and what’s not! I can attest to having an awesome time with my husband, no matter what we do or where we go. He will pick out my clothes and be with me for hours at the mall and not complain. When married, you get to learn so much about each other’s personality, likes and dislikes, sense of fashion, and what they are willing to do for you, when others won’t.

4. You get to build a legacy for your children.

You and your spouse get the distinct responsibility to raise your children with morals and values that will sustain them throughout life. You also get the chance to leave a mark on them that cannot be erased. You, as a couple, get to start immediately with identifying the things you want for your children and create opportunities that will allow your children to carry the mission and vision of your family for years to come.

5. You get to study your mate throughout your marriage.

There are many that feel that you have to date your mate for years in order to learn all you can about that person. While that may be true, you need to understand that there’s no way to figure a person out in three or four years compared to the lifetime you will spend with that person once married. Each day is a learning experience with your spouse. Take the time, because time is definitely on your side as long as you are married.

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6. You get to see them for who they really are before others do.

When they wake up in the morning with hair out of place and morning breath, you are there to observe it. However, that is when the beauty of the person you married truly shines through. If you have to have a person who is always dressed to the nines and in make-up or your favorite cologne, then others are only looking at your surface. As a married couple, you find that it’s much deeper than that.

7. You get to date your spouse every day.

Just because you go to the altar doesn’t mean dating stops! It should only increase and get better! My husband and I love to be spontaneous about where we go and what we do together. It’s not uncommon that we meet up at new places for lunch, or take the time during the day when most people work and go play golf. Each time we do, we know it’s another chance to date and share our love as well as our pastimes.

8. You get to work together to solve problems.

No one person has to be concerned about circumstances that many times are beyond his or her control. Two heads are better than one. When you come together to solve problems, it takes the weight off of one another. Also consulting a higher power other than yourselves keeps things in perspective for your household and family.

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9. You get to experience true levels of intimacy, other than just sex.

With the work of caring for kids, working a 9 to 5, cooking, cleaning, doing chores, after school activities, and handling different affairs, I know that sex may be last on the list at times. However, in between time, there are other things that married couples do that still shows intimacy. We find time to talk, hug, kiss, and be vulnerable towards each other. Those things will let your spouse know how much you care.

10. You get to be on the same team.

No one likes to feel that they are alone in a marriage. However, having a spouse that comforts you, cheers you on, and celebrates your accomplishments means that despite what others think, he or she will always work in harmony with you, not against you.

11. You get to turn the flame up in your marriage.

What better way to know your mate than to learn what keeps them attracted to you. My grandmother always used to say, “Whatever you do to get that man is the same thing you do to keep that man!” She was so right. Whether it’s role play, foreplay, or stay and play, do it! Obviously, that’s what he or she fell in love with!

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12. You keep honesty and integrity the focal point of your marriage dealings.

Trust is the foundation of any marriage. Honesty and integrity must be present so each person is comfortable in the decisions of the other because both parties are always in agreement.

13. You get to find out the true purpose of your marriage.

The purpose of your marriage is to always hold each other in high regard and to defend the sanctity of your marriage at all times. No relationship fires can stop what has been blessed. That is a marriage based on purpose and one that will last a lifetime.

14. You understand that giving is a two-way street.

Giving is the ultimate sacrifice. It comes from the heart and shows you are selfless. There’s no “I” and “my” but “us” and “we”. When you give to your spouse, it comes from a healthy place inside that says “what I have belongs to you”. No other person gets that privilege quite like your spouse.

15. You get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

Who could ask for more?

Featured photo credit: Got the Giggles/Simon Powell via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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