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13 Things to Remember When Life Gets Rough

13 Things to Remember When Life Gets Rough

We’ve all gone through hard times. And we all get through them. However, some get through them better than others. So what is their secret? Most of it has to do with attitude. Here are 13 things to remember when life gets rough:

1. What is, is.

Buddha’s famous saying tells us: “It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering.” Think about that for a minute. It means that our suffering only occurs when we resist how things are. If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you can’t change it, then you have two choices: (1) either accept it and let go of the negativity, or (2) make yourself miserable by obsessing over it.

2. It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem.

Many times, we are our own worst enemy. Happiness is really dependent on perspective. If you think something is a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative. But if you think it’s something you can learn from, then suddenly, it’s not a problem anymore.

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3. If you want things to change, you need to start with changing yourself.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Don’t you know people whose lives are chaotic and stressful? And isn’t that largely because they feel chaotic inside? Yes, it is. We like to think that changing our circumstances will change us. But we have it backwards—we need to change ourselves first before our circumstances will change.

4. There is no such thing as failure—only learning opportunities.

You should just wipe the word “failure” right out of your vocabulary. All great people who have ever achieved anything have “failed” over and over. In fact, I think it was Thomas Edison who said something like, “I did not fail at inventing the light bulb, I just first found 99 ways that it didn’t work.” Take your so-called “failures” and learn something from them. Learn how to do it better next time.

5. If you don’t get something you want, it just means something better is coming.

That’s hard to believe sometimes, I know. But it’s true. Usually, when you look back at your life, you will be able to see why it was actually a good thing that something didn’t work out. Maybe the job you didn’t get would have made you spend more time away from your family, but the job you did get was more flexible. Just have faith that everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to.

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6. Appreciate the present moment.

This moment will never come again. And there is always something precious about every moment. So don’t let it pass you by! Soon it will just be a memory. Even moments that don’t seem happy can be looked upon as something that you might miss someday. As the country song by Trace Adkins says, “You’re gonna miss this…you’re gonna want this back. You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast….you may not know this now, but you’re gonna miss this…”

7. Let go of desire.

Most people live with “attached mind.” What this means is that they attach themselves to a desire, and when they don’t get it, their emotions plummet into negativity. Instead, try to practice “detached mind.” That means that when you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain happy or neutral.

8. Understand and be grateful for your fears.

Fear can be a great teacher. And overcoming fears can also make you feel victorious. For example, when I was in college, I feared public speaking (one of the top 3 fears of all humans). So I find it humorous now that not only do I speak in front of a group every day by being a college professor, I also teach public speaking! Overcoming fears just takes practice. Fear is really just an illusion. It’s optional.

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9. Allow yourself to experience joy.

Believe it or not, I know way too many people who don’t allow themselves to have fun. And they don’t even know how to be happy. Some people are actually addicted to their problems and the chaos in them so much that they wouldn’t even know who they are without them. So try to allow yourself to be happy! Even if it’s just for a small moment, it’s important to focus on joy, not your hardships.

10. Don’t compare yourself to other people.

But if you do compare yourself, compare yourself with people who have it worse than you. Unemployed? Be grateful that you live in a country that gives unemployment compensation, because most people in the world live on less that $750 a year. So you don’t look like Angelina Jolie? Well, I bet there are more people who don’t than do. And you are probably way better looking than most people. Focus on that.

11. You are not a victim.

You need to get out of your own way. You are only a “victim” of your own thoughts, words and actions. No one “does” something to you. You are the creator of your own experience. Take personal responsibility and realize that you can get out of your hard times. You just need to start with changing your thoughts and actions. Abandon your victim mentality and become victorious. From victim to VICTOR!

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12. Things can—and do—change.

“And this too shall pass” is one of my favorite sayings. When we are stuck in a bad situation, we think that there is no way out. We think nothing will ever change. But guess what? It will! Nothing is permanent except death. So get out of the habit of thinking that things will always be this way. They won’t. But you do need to take some sort of action for things to change. It won’t magically happen all on its own.

13. Anything is possible.

Miracles happen every day. Really—they do. I wish I had enough space to write about all the miraculous things that have happened to people I know—from healing stage 4 cancer naturally to having their soul mate appear out of nowhere. Trust me: it happens all the time. You just need to believe it does. Once you do, you have won the battle.

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is a dating and relationship coach, professor, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

Video Summary

1. You will be more focused.

    Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

    2. You will be more active.

      Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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      3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

        Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

        4. You will be more creative.

          Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

          5. Your schedule will be your own.

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            Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

            6. You will likely save money.

              Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

              7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                8. You will have more time for your family.

                  Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                  9. You have more time for your friends.

                    Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                    10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                      Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                      11. You'll find more interests.

                        Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                        12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                          Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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