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12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen

12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen

If you have a stubborn person in your life, consider yourself lucky. Stubborn people can be annoying, stressful and drive you crazy. Your stubborn person could be the person who sits next to you at work or your own father. Once you learn how to work with him (not against him), you will be shocked to discover how strong, smart and clever you are.

1. Bring it on! Start a new attitude.

View a stubborn person as an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. You’ve heard, “You can’t change anyone else, you can only change yourself.” Well, here’s your chance. Change the way you view that challenging person.

2. Take a pause.

Resist the urge to engage in an argument. Impulse control is a character strength that will help you. Don’t give in to your defense impulse. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom (where you can let out a scream, shake it off, and go back to the brick wall you have to face).

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3. Play word chess.

Strategically plan your conversations. The right move with the right words can result in a positive outcome instead of a fight. It’s up to you to say the right thing. Just do everything you can to avoid saying “No, you are wrong.” Present your opposing opinion with respect and dignity.

4. Get them to listen to what you have to say.

Sit down, don’t talk to your boyfriend if he’s in the bathroom while you’re sitting in bed. Take it to a table. Try to keep the conversation business-like. Listen to the volume and tone of your own voice. Remember: Talk face-to-face and heart-to-heart.

5. The right time…

Wait for the opportune moment to make your point. If you’re talking to a man, feed him first. If you’re talking to a female, before you talk, check out her mood stats. Is she stressed out and annoyed or smiley and calm? Ask yourself, is this the best time to present my case?

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6. Go slow.

This is a process. Learn to wait (discover how patient you can be). It takes time to open a closed mind.

7. Break it into segments.

A stubborn person suffers from temporary hearing loss. The only opinion he hears is his own. An opposing opinion should be delivered in small portions. Plant seeds, leave pebbles, break it down. Little segments are easier to digest.

8. Think about their point of view.

Practice compassion. It’s hard to be patient with a person who is pushing your back against the wall, but try to understand (without doing a full psychoanalysis) what she sees. If you have four brothers and enjoy seeing her, your only child girlfriend will not understand why you want to meet her for dinner once a week.

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9. Stubborn people are smart, good in business, and great decision makers.

Don’t rush to change him. Flip your thinking: Realize a brick wall attitude is a positive strength. Persistence is a good thing. Stubbornness is a close relative of perseverance; a trait needed for success. Think of how it benefits you.

10. Take the reigns.

Do not hook into his anti-everything, nay-saying attitude. See through it, identify it, acknowledge it (silently in your mind), and take control of how you handle the situation. Without putting him down, try to see his point of view and then respectfully (no head-butting allowed) show him his opinion is important, then gently ask him to respect your opposing opinion.

11. Breathe deeply.

Dealing with a stubborn person can be exhausting. It feels like you are walking on eggshells, whenever you take a step, you can hear the crackling under your feet. Whatever you say is never the right thing to say.

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12. Enjoy the new you!

Once you master these skills, you are the king (or queen) of the conversation. You are now calmer, smarter and stronger than you were before. Sounds like a lot of work but when you practice these tips, it will become natural. Look at it this way: Some of the greatest contributors to society are of strong mind and will. Where would we be without the stubbornness of Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates? Stubbornness is the drive to push through the challenges, (as long as you’re not one of them).

There is a fine line between stubbornness and persistence. Strong-willed people are not easy to deal with when it comes to people skills, but ironically enough, it could be one of the secrets to success. Determination and persistence are character traits required for success.

Even Bill Gates admits he is stubborn. In a Rolling Stone Magazine interview, when Bill Gates was asked: “You mentioned Mark Zuckerberg. When you look at what he’s done, do you see some of yourself in him?” Gates, “Oh, sure. We’re both Harvard dropouts, we both had strong, stubborn views of what software could do.”

“Stubbornness almost to the point of dumb optimism [allowed me to be successful].” Tom Horton, former president and CEO of American Airlines.

Stubborn people are strong-willed people, a skill necessary to become successful in business. However, it’s not easy to live with them. Once you stop viewing this personality trait as negative, stop butting heads with them, and learn how to deal with a determined leader, you will become the top gun. Thank your stubborn person for making you a better person.

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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