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12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen

12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen

If you have a stubborn person in your life, consider yourself lucky. Stubborn people can be annoying, stressful and drive you crazy. Your stubborn person could be the person who sits next to you at work or your own father. Once you learn how to work with him (not against him), you will be shocked to discover how strong, smart and clever you are.

1. Bring it on! Start a new attitude.

View a stubborn person as an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. You’ve heard, “You can’t change anyone else, you can only change yourself.” Well, here’s your chance. Change the way you view that challenging person.

2. Take a pause.

Resist the urge to engage in an argument. Impulse control is a character strength that will help you. Don’t give in to your defense impulse. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom (where you can let out a scream, shake it off, and go back to the brick wall you have to face).

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3. Play word chess.

Strategically plan your conversations. The right move with the right words can result in a positive outcome instead of a fight. It’s up to you to say the right thing. Just do everything you can to avoid saying “No, you are wrong.” Present your opposing opinion with respect and dignity.

4. Get them to listen to what you have to say.

Sit down, don’t talk to your boyfriend if he’s in the bathroom while you’re sitting in bed. Take it to a table. Try to keep the conversation business-like. Listen to the volume and tone of your own voice. Remember: Talk face-to-face and heart-to-heart.

5. The right time…

Wait for the opportune moment to make your point. If you’re talking to a man, feed him first. If you’re talking to a female, before you talk, check out her mood stats. Is she stressed out and annoyed or smiley and calm? Ask yourself, is this the best time to present my case?

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6. Go slow.

This is a process. Learn to wait (discover how patient you can be). It takes time to open a closed mind.

7. Break it into segments.

A stubborn person suffers from temporary hearing loss. The only opinion he hears is his own. An opposing opinion should be delivered in small portions. Plant seeds, leave pebbles, break it down. Little segments are easier to digest.

8. Think about their point of view.

Practice compassion. It’s hard to be patient with a person who is pushing your back against the wall, but try to understand (without doing a full psychoanalysis) what she sees. If you have four brothers and enjoy seeing her, your only child girlfriend will not understand why you want to meet her for dinner once a week.

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9. Stubborn people are smart, good in business, and great decision makers.

Don’t rush to change him. Flip your thinking: Realize a brick wall attitude is a positive strength. Persistence is a good thing. Stubbornness is a close relative of perseverance; a trait needed for success. Think of how it benefits you.

10. Take the reigns.

Do not hook into his anti-everything, nay-saying attitude. See through it, identify it, acknowledge it (silently in your mind), and take control of how you handle the situation. Without putting him down, try to see his point of view and then respectfully (no head-butting allowed) show him his opinion is important, then gently ask him to respect your opposing opinion.

11. Breathe deeply.

Dealing with a stubborn person can be exhausting. It feels like you are walking on eggshells, whenever you take a step, you can hear the crackling under your feet. Whatever you say is never the right thing to say.

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12. Enjoy the new you!

Once you master these skills, you are the king (or queen) of the conversation. You are now calmer, smarter and stronger than you were before. Sounds like a lot of work but when you practice these tips, it will become natural. Look at it this way: Some of the greatest contributors to society are of strong mind and will. Where would we be without the stubbornness of Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates? Stubbornness is the drive to push through the challenges, (as long as you’re not one of them).

There is a fine line between stubbornness and persistence. Strong-willed people are not easy to deal with when it comes to people skills, but ironically enough, it could be one of the secrets to success. Determination and persistence are character traits required for success.

Even Bill Gates admits he is stubborn. In a Rolling Stone Magazine interview, when Bill Gates was asked: “You mentioned Mark Zuckerberg. When you look at what he’s done, do you see some of yourself in him?” Gates, “Oh, sure. We’re both Harvard dropouts, we both had strong, stubborn views of what software could do.”

“Stubbornness almost to the point of dumb optimism [allowed me to be successful].” Tom Horton, former president and CEO of American Airlines.

Stubborn people are strong-willed people, a skill necessary to become successful in business. However, it’s not easy to live with them. Once you stop viewing this personality trait as negative, stop butting heads with them, and learn how to deal with a determined leader, you will become the top gun. Thank your stubborn person for making you a better person.

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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