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12 Lies We All Tell Ourselves But Shouldn’t

12 Lies We All Tell Ourselves But Shouldn’t

Although it may carry a heavy social stigma, lying is something that all of us do from one time to another. While the scale and scope of these lies may vary, however, our brains follow the same uniform process whenever we deliberately mislead someone. This is the science that enables lie detectors to work effectively, as they are able to measure thought processes, anxiety and activity in the brains’ frontal lobe. While this technology is primarily used to identify lies that are told by one person to another, however, this should not disguise the fact that deceit can take many conscious and subconscious forms.

Perhaps the most common lies are those that we repeat to ourselves every single day, especially those that relate our futures and the path of self-improvement. While these lies may provide temporary comfort, they can actually prevent us from realising our full potential and achieving life-long goals. Consider the following lies that we tell ourselves on a regular basis and how to overcome them:

1. I cannot escape my past

It is a sad but inescapable fact that some of us lead more difficult lives than others, and these individuals tend to carry the burden of significant emotional baggage. This encourages many to repeat the mantra that they cannot escape their past, but the fact remains that this represents little more than a fear of evolving and incurring the risk of further heartache, failure and disappointment. Not only is it possible to escape from the past, but it can even be used to learn valuable life lessons and make more sensible decisions in the future.

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2. I can do it tomorrow

Life is considered by many to be a journey of self-improvement, and the most successful individuals are often driven by a desire to develop and embrace brand new experiences. This kind of enlightenment cannot be achieved without a proactive attitude, however, and a willingness to undertake emotionally and physically difficult tasks. By deferring difficult challenges and keeping them for another day, you are resisting the opportunity to advance and improve as an individual.

3. I would be happy if only I could…

While perfectionism may sound like a positive trait, it has a particularly strong correlation with the dreaded fear of failure. More specifically, perfectionists tend to find fault in opportunities or potential life partners as a way of avoiding failure or the potential for rejection. This same principle applies to self-examination, and the assertion that we would be entirely content and satisfied if only one aspect of our lives could be changed or improved for the better. This is extremely counter-productive, and will ultimately prevent you from achieving long-term happiness.

4. I cannot cope in a crisis

The way in which we think is at least partially the result of our upbringing, which may either create a sense of optimism, pessimism or something rooted in-between. Those with a negative outlook are likely to take a dim view of crisis, primarily because their predominantly negative thought processes lead them to believe that they are ill-equipped to cope with a stressful situation. This overlooks the fact that crisis can often be viewed as an opportunity in disguise, while it is also important to note that no difficult set of circumstances can be overcome without a positive and robust mentality.

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5. I prefer to give than receive

The nation of England is renowned for its chivalry and politeness, and this has a certain impact on the values that we hold as individuals. Take the notion that it is better to give gifts than receive them, for example, which is engrained in our culture and often drummed into us by our parents from a very early age. There is no shame in enjoying the receipt of gifts or even preferring this to the act of giving, however, so long as it does not consume you and erode all sense of selflessness. Your fundamental nature should never be denied, as this will lead to serious repression and a lack of contentedness over time.

6. I am too busy to…

There are occasions when we become so preoccupied with the way in which we perceive our lives that we lose all touch with reality. This causes us to generalise and ultimately make statements that are fundamentally untrue, such as the assertion that we would love to catch up with friends and family but we are far too busy. This is rarely the case, as if you actually sat down and evaluated how you spent your time you would be able to make room for something that was genuinely important and necessary.

7. I cannot live without…

As anyone who has ever argued can testify, words are often used either to solicit a reaction or deliberately hurt someone we care about. While this is a fundamental aspect of human nature, however, it can become an issue when we repeat these words to ourselves or through the course of private meditation. So although it may be natural to tell a romantic partner who is leaving against your will that you cannot live without them, it is crucial that you do not begin to believe this or repeat it on a regular basis. Not only is it fundamentally untrue, but it will also prevent you from moving forward in a positive and wholesome manner.

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8. I can change this person and their priorities

On the subject relationships, it is also commonplace for love-struck and downtrodden individuals to believe that they can change an errant partner through the power of persuasion alone. While this may or may not be possible within a predetermined period of time, the individual in question must have an innate desire to change if you are to ultimately be successful. So rather than repeating this lie as part of a vicious cycle, it is far better to share your feelings with your loved one and force them to make the changes necessary for a long and happy union.

9. I hate my life

Let’s face facts, every single one of us has had difficult days or periods that have forced us to question the meaning of life and its inherent value. While we may lash out and declare that we hate our lives in a moment of anger, however, it would be more prudent to state that we are unhappy with a particular aspect of our lives. By avoiding overtly emotive outbursts, relaxing and taking the time to evaluate our circumstances, we can usually highlight the main issues and resolve them effectively.

10. I am so jealous of…

If there is one human emotion that could be described as the most destructive, it is most probably jealously. A great destroyer of relationships, careers and even lives, it often arises from a relatively trivial issue that is viewed without a keen sense of perspective and understanding. This means that a sense of jealously is often misplaced and more indicative of an insecurity that exists within ourselves, and the object of this emotion little more than a reminder of our perceived inadequacies. So instead of fixating on an individual who probably has little to do with your life, look deeper to isolate the cause of your insecurities.

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11. I am too old to…

While it is a little glib to declare that age is just a number, it is certainly no barrier to living a happy and fulfilled life. Once again, the declaration that you are too old to pursue a particular goal or past-time represents nothing more than a deep-rooted fear of failure or ridicule. The fact remains that if your body and mind can stand up to the particular challenge that you wish to undertake, age and a selection of arbitrary social customs should remain entirely insignificant.

12. I am unable to give up…

As we progress through the religious festival of Lent, many of you may have chosen to give up something as a way of celebration. This is a noble intention, although you may be undermined in your efforts by nagging doubts surrounding your willpower and sense of conviction. Telling yourself that you cannot give up a particular vice does not make this fact, however, as this is often just an emotive response to a challenging situation. Once you begin to think positively and isolate the task in hand, you will find it relatively easy to achieve your goals.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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