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11 Things You Are Doing That Will Always Make You Fail

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11 Things You Are Doing That Will Always Make You Fail

Success. What does that word mean to you? Does it mean a high-powered career, tons of money in your bank account, traveling the world, and a huge home? Unfortunately, that’s how many people in the world measure it. However, I prefer to define success as ‘happiness.’ But in order to be successful (in my case, happy), you need to examine your habits so you can uncover and remove the ones that might be sabotaging your journey toward success. Here are 11 things that will always make you fail:

1. You don’t value yourself.

Many people have a low sense of self-worth. They think they are ‘less than’ other people. Well, that is hogwash! Everyone is valuable and perfect in their own way. We all have unique gifts to offer the world. If you don’t value yourself and your talents, then you won’t be able to offer them to the world. Love yourself. You’re awesome. Don’t ever forget it.

2. You don’t have self-discipline.

Hey, it’s great if you have a dream. Fantastic. Congratulations! But wait. You’re watching reality TV? You’re on social media for most the day? You’re texting and surfing the internet constantly? Well, that won’t make your dream a reality. You need to take consistent action in the same direction in order to achieve your goals. And that requires self-discipline. If human beings want something badly enough, they will find a way. If they don’t, then they will find excuses.

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3. You chase perfection.

There is no such thing as perfection. It’s a myth. It’s subjective. What’s ‘perfect’ to me is not perfect to you. And neither one of us is wrong. We’re both right. So stop chasing this idea of perfection. Instead, start chasing the idea of being happy. If you are chasing something unattainable like perfection, then in your mind, you will never be happy or successful.

4. You have negative self-talk.

This one is probably the worst one of all. Your outer world starts with your inner world. And your inner world is mainly your self-talk. If you hear yourself saying things like: “I can’t do that,” “That could never happen,” “I’ll never make that much money,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m too fat,” “I’m not a lucky person” – and the list goes on – then monitor your self-talk. Change the negative talk into positive talk.

5. You blame other people for your circumstances.

Personal responsibility seems to be a lost art these days. If you are the kind of person who is always blaming other people for your lack of success, then you need to stop doing that. Instead, look in the mirror. That person looking back at you is the only one who can make you succeed or fail. You have the power to change your life – even if it’s just your attitude. Granted, I know many, many people in the world live in dire circumstances. But if you point the finger at other people and blame them for your problems, then you are doing yourself no good. So take personal responsibility. Actually, it’s the only thing you can do. No one can change your life but you.

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6. You need the approval of other people.

Sure, we all want others to like us and approve of what we are doing. But as long as you aren’t killing anyone, committing another major crime, or hurting people, it’s really no one else’s business what you do with your life. Do what feels right to you. Listen to your own inner voice. Don’t let the opinions of other people drown out your intuition. Follow your gut. It’s never wrong.

7. You don’t take risks because you are afraid of making mistakes.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No guts, no glory. I am sure you’ve heard those statements before. But does the thought of taking a risk or making a mistake leave you so paralyzed that you end up doing nothing? Remember, if you haven’t tried, then you have already failed.

8. You stay in relationships that obviously aren’t healthy.

We teach other people how to treat us. And if you value yourself (see point 1), then you won’t tolerate bad behavior from other people. Sometimes people stay in toxic relationships because they are afraid of being alone – or for endless other reasons. But remember, you are who you surround yourself with. Birds of a feather flock together. If you’re not surrounding yourself with emotionally healthy people, then how can you be emotionally healthy yourself?

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9. You spend money foolishly.

One of the problems many people have is impulse buying. Or not saving money. Or not budgeting their money. I could list many, many more. But if you are blowing your money on things you don’t need (remember there is a difference between a need and a want), then you are throwing away your future. You’re burning your nest egg. Or your retirement. Or the money you could use to follow your dreams. Think about that the next time you want to buy something that you know you shouldn’t.

10. You waste time instead of educating yourself.

As I said in point 2 (self-discipline), if you are wasting your time doing things that you might think are fun but really contribute nothing positive to your life or your future, then you are setting yourself up to fail. Instead, read books. Figure out the best way to make a move towards a better future. Without this, you might as well kiss your dreams goodbye.

11. You want to follow your dreams, but you don’t make a plan.

If you want to go to Europe on vacation but you don’t buy an airline ticket or book a hotel, then you’re not going to get very far! Making your dreams come true is no different. That’s great that you have a passion for something, but if you don’t have step-by-step plan for how to get there, then don’t even bother starting. Because if you did start, you would probably just wander aimlessly and never get where you want to go.

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You can’t change what you don’t recognize. But here’s the good news: you can change what you do recognize. Success starts with self-awareness and action. So if you saw yourself in any of these eleven things, then make some changes today.

Cheers! To your success!

Featured photo credit: Pic Jumbo via picjumbo.com

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More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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