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11 Things In A Relationship Everyone Thinks It’s Okay

11 Things In A Relationship Everyone Thinks It’s Okay

There’s no denying the fact that relationships are hard, even in the best circumstances and under optimal conditions. However, there are ways that you can make any relationship more successful, and that’s through avoiding the following mistakes that most people have been guilty of in their lives.

1. Making comparisons between your significant other and past partners

This is one of the biggest mistakes in the book. Not only is the ‘grass is always greener’ unrealistic, it’s incredibly unfair on your partner. They are who they are and they will never be anybody else. How would you feel if you found out that they were comparing you to somebody else, especially an ex? In addition to how horrible this is, it can also lead to cheating. Firstly, because you may get frustrated and go looking for someone who fits the bill. Secondly, because your partner will feel unwanted and go looking for acceptance and intimacy somewhere else. If you want them to be someone other than who they are, you shouldn’t be with them.

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2. Staying silent when you’re uncomfortable or unhappy about something

No matter how solid your relationship is, your partner will annoy or upset you at some point. That’s okay, you’ll undoubtedly do the same to them. The problems come when you don’t say anything about it. This doesn’t mean that you should automatically scream them down; instead, you should simply mention it to them. If you don’t, you may let the issue stew inside of you until you start acting erratically, and by then your partner will have no idea why they’re suddenly in trouble. People can’t know if there’s a problem unless you tell them, so give your significant other the benefit of the doubt and let them know if something is bothering you.

3. Not being honest about who you are from the start

This behavior is unfair to both you and your partner, because if you do this, your whole relationship will be based on a lie. They thought you were a certain type of person and subsequently decided to commit to you. Do you really want to continue acting for the rest of your life? Do you think that’s even possible? Most importantly, don’t you want to be loved for exactly who you are? A relationship built on such lies simply cannot last, and certainly won’t be happy.

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4. Asking too many questions and being distrusting

Constantly questioning your partner on their whereabouts and not trusting them is one of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship. You may be in a couple, but you’re both still individuals who have a right to your own lives. Just because they may spend time away from you doesn’t mean they’re cheating or doing anything suspicious. Asking too many questions can be both irritating and insulting to your significant other. Acting in such a fashion also has the potential to escalate into spying, even if it’s just texts and Facebook messages. Snooping may seem harmless, but it’s rude, invasive and unfair. If you distrust your partner when they haven’t given you a reason to, you need to look to yourself for what the problem may be.

5. Becoming overly clingy

This is another issue that relates to the one above. If you feel like you have to be with someone 24/7 then there’s a issue, and it’s not likely to be with them. Both you and your partner need time away from each other. As previously mentioned, you’re individuals and you need to act like it. Clinging to a person constantly will get old quickly and you may find your partner getting bored or irritated with you. Let them have a chance to miss you.You want to be able to enjoy your time together, not resent it. On a related note, never get a joint Facebook or email account. There are two of you—behave like it.

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6. Being in a relationship just to avoid being alone or bored

This is one of those selfish moves that most of us have probably made at some point or another. Like so many of these mistakes, it’s unfair to both yourself and your partner. They aren’t being loved for who they are and are potentially missing out on meeting someone who will. Do you really want to do that to them? The same goes for yourself. What if you met your soul mate whilst you were already in a relationship you didn’t care that much about? I can also guarantee that at some point, your significant other will find out. Relationships can be sensitive and you’d be surprised at what people can sense beneath the surface. Being alone can be difficult, but it’s not worth hurting people just because you want something to do on a Saturday night.

7. Letting money become a problem

If you’re in a committed relationship, particularly one that involves living together, money has the potential to become a serious issue. This is often because people are used to being financially independent. Both you and your partner need to remember that you’re financially connected now, and that means that you both need to know about each others spending habits, as well as your financial history. This may sound a little invasive, but you need to be able to trust each other with money. Keeping financial secrets from one another, such as large loans or credit card debts can lead to a lot of trouble once they come out. Not only can it incite distrust, but it can also put a lot of stress on both yourself, your partner and your relationship.

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8. Not having sex anymore

Regardless of what some people say, sex is an incredibly important factor of a relationship. Yes, it will fade with old age, but if you’re still decades away from that point then there’s a problem. If you and your significant other aren’t intimate anymore, you need to ask yourself why. Have one or both of you gotten a little lazy, is the sex becoming boring or is there a deeper issue at play? If you know you truly love each other, put a bit more effort in. Not bothering with sex can lead your relationship down a dark and dangerous road—you both have needs after all. Perhaps spice things up by shaking up your usual sexual routine or try opening up to your partner about your fantasies. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

9. Becoming lazy in the romance department

Speaking of sex, it’s possible that it’s faded due to a lack of romance occurring within the relationship. People can often become too comfortable with their significant other and forget to bother with romance or making each other feel special. This doesn’t necessarily restrict you to unaffordable dinners and dozens of expensive roses though. Personally, I would find a PS4 game far more appealing than a bouquet. Romance, like people, comes in all shapes and sizes, and isn’t restricted to the ladies. Men like surprises too. Pay attention to what you partner enjoys and think of ways to incorporate it into your relationship—whether it be through a date or an unexpected gift. Remember, you don’t have to spend a fortune. Even a picnic with their favorite foods in the lounge room, or a walk along the beach can be a nice change for a relationship.

10. Being too distracted by your devices

This is something that most of us have been guilty of at some point in time. Being constantly attached to your phone, laptop or iPad can be extremely detrimental to your relationship. Your partner can be left feeling unimportant and not worth your time if you’re always glued to a screen when you spend time together. Put down your device and start spending some quality time with your significant other. They deserve it.

11. Not being open and honest about things

This last point can be directly to almost all of the above. If there’s an issue, you have to be able to talk to your partner. You can’t be too scared or distrustful to be open and honest with your partner. Most of the time when there’s a secret, they will eventually find out or at least detect that you’re hiding something. This can do serious damage to a relationship and sow permanent seeds of distrust.

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Tegan Jones

Tegan is a passionate journalist, writer and editor. She writes about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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