Advertising
Advertising

11 Things In A Relationship Everyone Thinks It’s Okay

11 Things In A Relationship Everyone Thinks It’s Okay

There’s no denying the fact that relationships are hard, even in the best circumstances and under optimal conditions. However, there are ways that you can make any relationship more successful, and that’s through avoiding the following mistakes that most people have been guilty of in their lives.

1. Making comparisons between your significant other and past partners

This is one of the biggest mistakes in the book. Not only is the ‘grass is always greener’ unrealistic, it’s incredibly unfair on your partner. They are who they are and they will never be anybody else. How would you feel if you found out that they were comparing you to somebody else, especially an ex? In addition to how horrible this is, it can also lead to cheating. Firstly, because you may get frustrated and go looking for someone who fits the bill. Secondly, because your partner will feel unwanted and go looking for acceptance and intimacy somewhere else. If you want them to be someone other than who they are, you shouldn’t be with them.

Advertising

2. Staying silent when you’re uncomfortable or unhappy about something

No matter how solid your relationship is, your partner will annoy or upset you at some point. That’s okay, you’ll undoubtedly do the same to them. The problems come when you don’t say anything about it. This doesn’t mean that you should automatically scream them down; instead, you should simply mention it to them. If you don’t, you may let the issue stew inside of you until you start acting erratically, and by then your partner will have no idea why they’re suddenly in trouble. People can’t know if there’s a problem unless you tell them, so give your significant other the benefit of the doubt and let them know if something is bothering you.

3. Not being honest about who you are from the start

This behavior is unfair to both you and your partner, because if you do this, your whole relationship will be based on a lie. They thought you were a certain type of person and subsequently decided to commit to you. Do you really want to continue acting for the rest of your life? Do you think that’s even possible? Most importantly, don’t you want to be loved for exactly who you are? A relationship built on such lies simply cannot last, and certainly won’t be happy.

Advertising

4. Asking too many questions and being distrusting

Constantly questioning your partner on their whereabouts and not trusting them is one of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship. You may be in a couple, but you’re both still individuals who have a right to your own lives. Just because they may spend time away from you doesn’t mean they’re cheating or doing anything suspicious. Asking too many questions can be both irritating and insulting to your significant other. Acting in such a fashion also has the potential to escalate into spying, even if it’s just texts and Facebook messages. Snooping may seem harmless, but it’s rude, invasive and unfair. If you distrust your partner when they haven’t given you a reason to, you need to look to yourself for what the problem may be.

5. Becoming overly clingy

This is another issue that relates to the one above. If you feel like you have to be with someone 24/7 then there’s a issue, and it’s not likely to be with them. Both you and your partner need time away from each other. As previously mentioned, you’re individuals and you need to act like it. Clinging to a person constantly will get old quickly and you may find your partner getting bored or irritated with you. Let them have a chance to miss you.You want to be able to enjoy your time together, not resent it. On a related note, never get a joint Facebook or email account. There are two of you—behave like it.

Advertising

6. Being in a relationship just to avoid being alone or bored

This is one of those selfish moves that most of us have probably made at some point or another. Like so many of these mistakes, it’s unfair to both yourself and your partner. They aren’t being loved for who they are and are potentially missing out on meeting someone who will. Do you really want to do that to them? The same goes for yourself. What if you met your soul mate whilst you were already in a relationship you didn’t care that much about? I can also guarantee that at some point, your significant other will find out. Relationships can be sensitive and you’d be surprised at what people can sense beneath the surface. Being alone can be difficult, but it’s not worth hurting people just because you want something to do on a Saturday night.

7. Letting money become a problem

If you’re in a committed relationship, particularly one that involves living together, money has the potential to become a serious issue. This is often because people are used to being financially independent. Both you and your partner need to remember that you’re financially connected now, and that means that you both need to know about each others spending habits, as well as your financial history. This may sound a little invasive, but you need to be able to trust each other with money. Keeping financial secrets from one another, such as large loans or credit card debts can lead to a lot of trouble once they come out. Not only can it incite distrust, but it can also put a lot of stress on both yourself, your partner and your relationship.

Advertising

8. Not having sex anymore

Regardless of what some people say, sex is an incredibly important factor of a relationship. Yes, it will fade with old age, but if you’re still decades away from that point then there’s a problem. If you and your significant other aren’t intimate anymore, you need to ask yourself why. Have one or both of you gotten a little lazy, is the sex becoming boring or is there a deeper issue at play? If you know you truly love each other, put a bit more effort in. Not bothering with sex can lead your relationship down a dark and dangerous road—you both have needs after all. Perhaps spice things up by shaking up your usual sexual routine or try opening up to your partner about your fantasies. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

9. Becoming lazy in the romance department

Speaking of sex, it’s possible that it’s faded due to a lack of romance occurring within the relationship. People can often become too comfortable with their significant other and forget to bother with romance or making each other feel special. This doesn’t necessarily restrict you to unaffordable dinners and dozens of expensive roses though. Personally, I would find a PS4 game far more appealing than a bouquet. Romance, like people, comes in all shapes and sizes, and isn’t restricted to the ladies. Men like surprises too. Pay attention to what you partner enjoys and think of ways to incorporate it into your relationship—whether it be through a date or an unexpected gift. Remember, you don’t have to spend a fortune. Even a picnic with their favorite foods in the lounge room, or a walk along the beach can be a nice change for a relationship.

10. Being too distracted by your devices

This is something that most of us have been guilty of at some point in time. Being constantly attached to your phone, laptop or iPad can be extremely detrimental to your relationship. Your partner can be left feeling unimportant and not worth your time if you’re always glued to a screen when you spend time together. Put down your device and start spending some quality time with your significant other. They deserve it.

11. Not being open and honest about things

This last point can be directly to almost all of the above. If there’s an issue, you have to be able to talk to your partner. You can’t be too scared or distrustful to be open and honest with your partner. Most of the time when there’s a secret, they will eventually find out or at least detect that you’re hiding something. This can do serious damage to a relationship and sow permanent seeds of distrust.

More by this author

Tegan Jones

Tegan is a passionate journalist, writer and editor. She writes about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

10 Leadership Qualities Revealed by the World’s Most Successful Leaders 26 Romantic Ways to Show Your Love for Someone 12 Unexpected Benefits of Drinking Hot Water 10 Surprising Benefits Of Earl Grey Tea You Never Knew 10 Exercises You Can Do In Bed Every Morning

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next