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11 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Many Friends

11 Reasons Why You Don’t Have Many Friends

Finding and keeping friends in adulthood is different from the days when you played on the playground at recess. It takes work to maintain friendships over time. If you don’t have many friends, it’s important to consider the possible reasons why.

1. You Complain A Lot

If you’re constantly complaining about your job, lack of money, or unfair life, people won’t care to spend a lot of time with you. Complaining gets old fast. Try to develop a more positive attitude and look for more interesting topics to discuss rather than what’s going wrong in your life.

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2. You Ditch Your Friends When You’re in a Relationship

If you’re guilty of ditching your friends every time you begin dating someone new, it’s likely your friends won’t sit around and wait to hear your breakup story. Instead, they’ll move on without you. It’s important to find a balance between spending time with your pals and your latest romantic interest.

3. You’re Selfish

Consider whether or not being selfish contributes to the fact that you don’t have friends. Friendship requires you to give sometimes, even when you don’t feel like it. If you’re only willing to do what you want, when you want it, it’s unlikely that your friends will tolerate it for very long.

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4. You Don’t Care About Your Friends

If you don’t care what’s happening in your friends’ lives, your friends might not keep you around. It’s important to show interest in how your friends are doing. People will likely grow insulted if you don’t care to ask about them or you don’t care about their feelings.

5. You Stir Up Drama

If you’re guilty of stirring up trouble, it’s likely that people will try to avoid the drama. If you blame others, don’t keep secrets, or try to irritate people on purpose, you’ll likely have difficulty convincing people why they should stick around.

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6. You Keep Score

Keeping score has no place in true friendship. If you try to keep score about whose turn it is to choose where you’re going to dinner or whose turn it is to call who, you will likely turn your friends away. Be willing to give to the relationship, rather than focus on trying to keep everything fair.

7. You Get Jealous

If you feel jealous when your friend buys a new car, gets a promotion at work, or enters into a new relationship, it’s likely going to lead to problems. It’s important to celebrate with your friends and feel happy for them when they succeed. If you’re always feeling jealous, you’re attitude will likely shine through, even if you try to hide it.

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8. You Expect Too Much From Friends

If you expect your friends to always be available or always meet your needs, you’ll be disappointed. Your friends will hurt your feelings sometimes and will likely disappoint you from time to time. But that doesn’t meant they aren’t good people or that you shouldn’t remain friends with them. Practice forgiveness when your feelings get hurt.

9. You Gossip

If you gossip non-stop, people will recognize that you likely talk about them as well. Don’t talk negatively about other people or spread rumors. Instead, show that you can be trusted to respect people’s privacy.

10. You Bully Your Friends

Bullying doesn’t end in high school for many people. If you’re guilty of bossing your friends around or making demands, it’s likely that people won’t like you. It’s okay to be assertive with people, but make sure you don’t cross the line into behaving aggressively. Respect other people’s rights and work on developing healthy relationships.

11. You Don’t Get Out Enough

Of course, there is also a good chance that not having friends isn’t related to a specific character flaw. Instead, it might just be because you haven’t had the opportunity to meet people whose company you enjoy. If that’s the case, create opportunities to meet other people based on your interests and activities and be willing to take a chance on striking up a conversation with a stranger. It just might turn into a lifelong friendship.

More by this author

Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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