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10 Ways To Stop Focusing On The Obstacles And Move On

10 Ways To Stop Focusing On The Obstacles And Move On

When we encounter obstacles in our daily lives, it’s difficult to determine how and when to overcome them and move on. It’s easy to tell someone to stop thinking about things and get over it, but, like most things in life, doing is much more complicated than saying. If you’re looking to stop focusing on the obstacles and move on in life, here are a few tips to get you started in the right direction.

1. Accept What You Can’t Change…

There’s that which we can change and that which we can’t, and the majority of life’s obstacles are strictly in our heads. The first step to removing obstacles is accepting what’s happened, who you are, and where you’re at. You can’t change any of the external factors, but you can accept them and decide how you want to interact with them to change your scenario. When imagining the change you could have in your life, it’s important to focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have.

2. Size Matters Not, Young Padawan…

Everyone thinks their problems are worse than anyone else’s; if that were true, we’d be racing toward an inevitable doom as a human race. It doesn’t matter how many people are involved or what’s at stake – those factors are clouding the real issue, and considering them only holds you back. Regardless of how big the obstacles are, they need to be overcome one way or another, so stop psyching yourself out. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.

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3. Detach from the Results…

Yoga is one of my favorite ways to free my mind from unhealthy thought patterns. Ally Ford, an Ashtangi and one of my first instructors, helped guide me through the process of resetting my brain to remove the obstacles in my life. I reached out to Ally to discuss this piece, and she offered a great gem about how yoga helps us remove obstacles.

“Rather than be blinded by the smoke of the roaring flames,” says Ally. “This practice helps us maintain a certain inner peace and groundedness, have better discernment, and make better choices for how to respond accurately.”

Through yoga and meditation, you learn to stop attaching your self-value to your achievements. Ally always reminded me during our practices that if I fail, I’m still me; my identity doesn’t hinge on success, and I’ll still be experiencing life one way or another. It’s better to walk with your head high than to advertise your every scar to the world. Remember that every winner loses, but not every loser wins.

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4. Free Your Mind, and the Rest Will Follow…

Once you’ve removed the mental blocks and look at the world with a fresh perspective, you’ll find you’re more productive. Now instead of looking at your computer as a way to escape reality, you can view at it as a way to move toward a better one. You’re connected to the internet; stop viewing it as a consumer, and start viewing it as an entrepreneur. It’s the key to moving on, regardless of your physical circumstances (assuming you have the internet, otherwise how are you reading this?).

5. Shed Your Anxiety…

Stop fearing the future, because time moves on whether you’re ready or not. If it’s going to happen anyway, you may as well start controlling the way you experience it. Look at it this way: when you’re on your deathbed, would you rather look back on your life and regret all the things you didn’t do, or would you rather look back with a smile about all the things you did? It doesn’t matter who else is watching – do it for yourself.

6. Be Brave like Merida…

Bravery has nothing to do with a lack of fear. Anyone can act when there’s no consequence; it takes true bravery to participate against all odds. People may not agree with your choices, but they will eventually, so long as you’re working at it. Dedicating your life to a purpose is the only way you’ll ever find this strength, because if you’re only working for yourself, you’ll be too afraid to take a chance.

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7. Rewrite History…

Many times, the obstacles in our present are thoughts about past events. It’s ok to take time to deal with your own problems, but you don’t have to wear them on your sleeve at all times. You don’t need to walk around surly all the time simply because you have problems – it’s simply not necessary that everyone view you as “tough” just because you’ve had tough times.

Guess what? I’ve had some really tough times in my life, and have experienced and survived some truly horrible things. Even with those experiences under my belt, I make an effort to smile when I interact with other people. Just because I had a bad day is no reason to drag everyone else’s down.

8. Stick to the Script…

Practice makes perfect – even if you can’t see the progress you’re making, it’s happening. You’re improving every time you try, and one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re a stronger and better person. Kino offers these tips on reframing your obstacles and working on them through a daily practice.

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“Within the context of yoga, I’ve experienced almost every difficult emotional reaction that I carry within myself. Since these have arisen during the laboratory of my yoga practice, when they arise in ‘real’ life I’ve practiced a more conscious response and am better able to deal with those challenging situations.”

9. Imagine That…

Imagine yourself as a winner, and you’ll become that winner. Don’t worry about what other people think about you daydreaming; those people aren’t going anywhere you want to be. It doesn’t matter who you are in your imagination, because at the end of the day, it makes you feel better and doesn’t affect anyone else in the real world. Remember – it’s all in your head.

10. Never Give Up…

Every path has bumpy roads, and every sky has dark times. It’s ok; just keep your head up, pick yourself back up, and keep going. At the end of the day, you’re the one in charge of your life, and you’re the only one who will ever experience it. It’s also the only life you’ll ever experience, and we don’t get a second chance or any re-dos. Don’t give up – be a winner.

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    Last Updated on August 19, 2019

    How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

    How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

    We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

    When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

    In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

    Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

    If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

    According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

    No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

    When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

    Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

    1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

    When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

    Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

    When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

    Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

    In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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    It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

    You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

    Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

    What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

    You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

    That’s where we all should be.

    So, answer me this:

    How are you, really?

    And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

    Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

    Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

    Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

    Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

    It’s taking control.

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    2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

    You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

    You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

    In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

    Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

    You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

    Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

    But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

    It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

    In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

    It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

    Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

    Change will happen.

    Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

    You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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    And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

    You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

    That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

    You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

    When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

    There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

    3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

    Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

    In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

    If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

    Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

    Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

    How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

    Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

    “Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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    Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

    Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

    It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

    Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

    “If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

    What would you do if you felt you were enough?

    By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

    So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

    Final Thoughts

    By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

    Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

    When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

    You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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    Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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