Advertising
Advertising

10 Ways To Stop Focusing On The Obstacles And Move On

10 Ways To Stop Focusing On The Obstacles And Move On

When we encounter obstacles in our daily lives, it’s difficult to determine how and when to overcome them and move on. It’s easy to tell someone to stop thinking about things and get over it, but, like most things in life, doing is much more complicated than saying. If you’re looking to stop focusing on the obstacles and move on in life, here are a few tips to get you started in the right direction.

1. Accept What You Can’t Change…

There’s that which we can change and that which we can’t, and the majority of life’s obstacles are strictly in our heads. The first step to removing obstacles is accepting what’s happened, who you are, and where you’re at. You can’t change any of the external factors, but you can accept them and decide how you want to interact with them to change your scenario. When imagining the change you could have in your life, it’s important to focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have.

2. Size Matters Not, Young Padawan…

Everyone thinks their problems are worse than anyone else’s; if that were true, we’d be racing toward an inevitable doom as a human race. It doesn’t matter how many people are involved or what’s at stake – those factors are clouding the real issue, and considering them only holds you back. Regardless of how big the obstacles are, they need to be overcome one way or another, so stop psyching yourself out. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.

Advertising

3. Detach from the Results…

Yoga is one of my favorite ways to free my mind from unhealthy thought patterns. Ally Ford, an Ashtangi and one of my first instructors, helped guide me through the process of resetting my brain to remove the obstacles in my life. I reached out to Ally to discuss this piece, and she offered a great gem about how yoga helps us remove obstacles.

“Rather than be blinded by the smoke of the roaring flames,” says Ally. “This practice helps us maintain a certain inner peace and groundedness, have better discernment, and make better choices for how to respond accurately.”

Through yoga and meditation, you learn to stop attaching your self-value to your achievements. Ally always reminded me during our practices that if I fail, I’m still me; my identity doesn’t hinge on success, and I’ll still be experiencing life one way or another. It’s better to walk with your head high than to advertise your every scar to the world. Remember that every winner loses, but not every loser wins.

Advertising

4. Free Your Mind, and the Rest Will Follow…

Once you’ve removed the mental blocks and look at the world with a fresh perspective, you’ll find you’re more productive. Now instead of looking at your computer as a way to escape reality, you can view at it as a way to move toward a better one. You’re connected to the internet; stop viewing it as a consumer, and start viewing it as an entrepreneur. It’s the key to moving on, regardless of your physical circumstances (assuming you have the internet, otherwise how are you reading this?).

5. Shed Your Anxiety…

Stop fearing the future, because time moves on whether you’re ready or not. If it’s going to happen anyway, you may as well start controlling the way you experience it. Look at it this way: when you’re on your deathbed, would you rather look back on your life and regret all the things you didn’t do, or would you rather look back with a smile about all the things you did? It doesn’t matter who else is watching – do it for yourself.

6. Be Brave like Merida…

Bravery has nothing to do with a lack of fear. Anyone can act when there’s no consequence; it takes true bravery to participate against all odds. People may not agree with your choices, but they will eventually, so long as you’re working at it. Dedicating your life to a purpose is the only way you’ll ever find this strength, because if you’re only working for yourself, you’ll be too afraid to take a chance.

Advertising

7. Rewrite History…

Many times, the obstacles in our present are thoughts about past events. It’s ok to take time to deal with your own problems, but you don’t have to wear them on your sleeve at all times. You don’t need to walk around surly all the time simply because you have problems – it’s simply not necessary that everyone view you as “tough” just because you’ve had tough times.

Guess what? I’ve had some really tough times in my life, and have experienced and survived some truly horrible things. Even with those experiences under my belt, I make an effort to smile when I interact with other people. Just because I had a bad day is no reason to drag everyone else’s down.

8. Stick to the Script…

Practice makes perfect – even if you can’t see the progress you’re making, it’s happening. You’re improving every time you try, and one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re a stronger and better person. Kino offers these tips on reframing your obstacles and working on them through a daily practice.

Advertising

“Within the context of yoga, I’ve experienced almost every difficult emotional reaction that I carry within myself. Since these have arisen during the laboratory of my yoga practice, when they arise in ‘real’ life I’ve practiced a more conscious response and am better able to deal with those challenging situations.”

9. Imagine That…

Imagine yourself as a winner, and you’ll become that winner. Don’t worry about what other people think about you daydreaming; those people aren’t going anywhere you want to be. It doesn’t matter who you are in your imagination, because at the end of the day, it makes you feel better and doesn’t affect anyone else in the real world. Remember – it’s all in your head.

10. Never Give Up…

Every path has bumpy roads, and every sky has dark times. It’s ok; just keep your head up, pick yourself back up, and keep going. At the end of the day, you’re the one in charge of your life, and you’re the only one who will ever experience it. It’s also the only life you’ll ever experience, and we don’t get a second chance or any re-dos. Don’t give up – be a winner.

1280px-Osaka07_Lifehack_Versability_Decathlon_Scene

    Attention Walmart Shoppers: Training for Black Friday 2014 has begun…

    More by this author

    7 Ways To Make Exercise Fun For Everyone Say Goodbye to a Skinny Body: How to Gain Weight Fast 24 Easy Ways To Make Money On The Internet What 500 Calories Really Looks Like in Different Foods 20 Awesome Screensavers that Make your Desktop Delightful

    Trending in Communication

    1 30 Refreshing Routines to Boost Your Morning Motivation 2 Feeling Like a Failure? 10 Simple Things to Help You Rise Again 3 What Motivates You to Succeed in Life and Keep Moving Forward? 4 6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master 5 5 Ways to Turn Around a Bad Day at Work

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Published on September 23, 2020

    6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

    6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

    I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

    If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

    What is Negotiation?

    First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

    Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

    In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

    Places We Negotiate

    I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

    1. Work/Business

    This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

    When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

    Advertising

    In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

    Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

    2. Personal

    I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

    I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

    Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

    3. Ourselves

    You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

    I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

    Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

    Advertising

    Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

    Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

    We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

    My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

    If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

    As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

    6 Negotiation Skills to Master

    Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

    Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

    1. Preparation

    Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

    Advertising

    It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

    For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

    After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

    2. Clear Communication

    The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

    If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

    3. Active Listening

    Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

    If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

    4. Teamwork and Collaboration

    To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

    Advertising

    If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

    When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

    5. Problem Solving

    Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

    Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

    From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

    There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

    6. Decision-Making Ability

    Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

    Conclusion

    There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

    Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

    More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

    Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

    Read Next