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10 Ways to Positively Influence Others In The Workplace

10 Ways to Positively Influence Others In The Workplace

No matter how brilliant or hard-working we are, we cannot succeed without the help and cooperation from others. Men are not islands scattered in a sea of separation, we are all connected in some way. In the 21st Century the world has shrunk significantly as we keep pace with the most remote parts of the world and we learn from other cultures with a click of a button. We have discovered we are not so different after all, language might be a barrier but we all have the same basic needs, the same can be said about the strangers we meet on the street or people we work with.

Regardless of where you work or your occupation, we all have something in common; we spend a large part of our lives in a job that some of us like and some of us don’t.

If you find yourself in a job you don’t like, by getting people on your side will make the journey more bearable, and you will even begin to enjoy going to work.

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Here are my 10 Ways to Positively Influence Others in the Workplace:

Develop a Grateful Attitude

I have a ritual every morning before I go out the door; I look around my home and quietly say “thank you” for having a roof over my head, for the food we eat and having a family to love. By appreciating what I already have my purpose becomes clearer, to bring the bacon (or tofu if you are vegetarian) and feed the ones I love. During the day as the challenges arise, I think of my daily ritual and makes me happy, happiness is contagious.

Happiness is contagious

There are a million+1 reasons to be sad or angry in the world, however, there are ten billion+1 reasons to be happy, we were not put on this earth plane to be miserable, find a reason to rejoice, look at the window and see the blue sky, if it is raining be happy that more trees and vegetables will grow. Talk to the people who nurture you and smile at the ones who don’t. If you are alive and healthy you are doing well….

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Smile even when you are down

Have you ever heard the expression “Fake it until you make it”? The same principle applies when things go wrong, smile and it will put you in a better mood. Even when the boss is harassing you, co-workers not going along with the program, the computer crashed wiping all your hard work, simply smile. By smiling we release endorphins (happy hormones) and smiling has a tendency to ease bodily tension, so flash those pearly whites, people around you will pick up on it and they will smile in return.

Always say Please and Thank You

Good manners are a passport to better relationships, and this is not just relegated to the workplace; even when you go out to restaurants, the movies, etc. people will go out of their way to assist you and make your experience more enjoyable when they are treated with courtesy and respect. Having good manners shows the world we care about others, you don’t have to go to Harvard to learn good manners; they can easily become a habit when we learn to treat others the way we want to be treated.

Stay away from gossip

Sometimes things happen in the work place that gives some people a reason to speak about others behind their back. Discussing events is inevitable however, these events are often distorted for entertainment purposes and objectivity is lost. Gossip de-moralizes the target person and if it is malicious can become bullying. What I suggest is simple, smile at the people involved in gossip and walk away avoiding engagement, do not be drawn by the negative energy, it will keep you centered and will not distort your opinion of the victim, they deserve our respect regardless.

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Be kind to the Village Idiot

No matter how many different places I have worked at there is always a “Village Idiot”. These people might be eccentric, not articulate, weird or just different. When engaged in conversation by the V.I. be kind and listen to what he or she is saying, you will be surprised there is an unconventional wisdom to them, and by bothering to listen to them you will develop a good will. You never know when you might need their help.

Be diplomatic

People will say or do things that irritate us, and the key is to remain calm and objective. Having a short fuse or simply choosing anger as a first reaction will give these people more fuel to annoy you again and again; and you will lose credibility in front of your peers. There have been many times people have said hurtful or offensive things to me and by me not giving them an answer to respond to their poor rhetoric I have managed to stay in control of the situation and they have left me alone as they know I will not justify to their poor attitudes and I do it with a smile or with humor often turning the tables. If you must respond when confronted or teased do it in a soft and calm voice and be kind, no point on putting out a fire with gasoline.

Always do your best

Bosses and influential co-workers will respect you for doing the best you can when doing your job. I have seen many people who have been at odds in the past come together to celebrate when a milestone has been achieved due a great effort. People might not like you for whatever reason, but they will respect you for being dependable and a great worker. Being dedicated and focused is a quality that is cherished in the corporate world. By always doing your best gives you a positive sense of self and purpose; chances are it will bring in a pay rise or build a solid foundation for a future role.

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Be honest

Honesty is the best policy, however, when honestly and diplomacy are combined they become traits of a great leader/communicator. When communicating concepts and ideas be factual, do not try to sound overly smart or use too much technical jargon. Do not embellish or exaggerate as people can see through the lies and will retain that in their minds forming opinions based on how the massage is conveyed not the message itself.

Be respectful of other cultures

If you live in a Western country chances are there are many people of different cultures and ethnicities. By getting to know other people’s traditions, foods and beliefs we develop a respect and appreciation for who they are. Every culture has something positive we can learn from and it is our moral duty to embrace then and respect them. Do not join racist conversations in the staff room or around the water cooler, you are inviting the same treatment from others and it does not help you to positively influence others, even the very people you are agreeing with will lose some respect for you. There are good people and bad people in every nationality, focus on what is good and decent in everyone; it will become a beacon attracting cooperation across the board.

We are going to spend eight hours a day, five days a week, 48 to 50 weeks a year with our colleagues, might as well make it enjoyable and fruitful.

More by this author

Louis Salguero

UX, HCD, UCD, GUI, graphic and web designer

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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