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How to Be More Attractive: 7 Ways to Be Confident and Charming

How to Be More Attractive: 7 Ways to Be Confident and Charming

You want to be attractive, incredibly attractive.

You know, Pierce Bronson or Liv Tyler kind.

But then you look into the mirror and…let’s just say, any similarity is well hidden which understandably dampens your enthusiasm.

Can I tell you something?  Being attractive has little to do with looks and everything to do with “aura”.

An incredibly attractive person lives inside of you, dying to come out.

Come on, let’s bring that magnetism to the surface. That is, if you dare!

1.  Stop thinking you’re not attractive and just “be” attractive

Make yourself attractive by taking on the right attitude. If you are burying your attractiveness, there’s a reason. Do yourself a favor. Go on a mission and find that reason.

Born within you, there is an attractive and playful side so decide to own it!

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Change doesn’t happen over time, it happens in the moment you make that decision. Read on.

2.  Deal with your past love stories so they don’t fight with your current story

Bringing the pain and heartbreak of past relationships into the present will kill your sexiness with fear.

Those voices lie below the surface and convince you that history is repeating itself. The only way to live in today is to first look the memories in the face and heal those hurts.

Someone who has learned from where they’ve been and determined to make the present far better is emotionally available. And that, my friend, is extremely charming.

3.  Find your James Bond confidence

That sense of knowing who you are and what makes you worth kissing will exude attractiveness to everyone around you even if that’s not your intention.  I learned this from my second time around husband who says I was like a magnet to him.

Inner confidence attracts (this is not arrogance we are talking about here).

You laugh more easily.

It gives you a kind of mystery that tells someone that you would not bring a lot of “drama” into a relationship. Rather, you would make life interesting.

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4.  Dress yourself up and take yourself out

The clothes do not make the person but they sure can enhance the person’s best features. Even if you don’t like to shop, make it an interesting project to find out what colors and fit look great on you.

Feeling sharp translates into confidence so be prepared with a couple of outfits that bring out that “Bond” quality in you, man or woman.

Then take yourself on a date somewhere you would love to go just because you are worth it. Be truly ok with being alone and soon you will be giving off incredibly charming vibes.

5.  Stand tall, shoulders back, look others in the eye and smile

Most men agree that the most attractive thing about a woman is her smile. Why? Because when a woman is happy, they don’t have to wonder how to get her there.

In the same way, the last thing a woman wants to take on is being a man’s mom. She wants a man, not a boy.

Your posture and the way you present yourself tells the world about you.

So practice standing tall and being direct and don’t worry if you aren’t feeling confident in the moment. Doing this automatically communicates confidence to your brain and soon your feelings will follow.

6. Become a romance master

We know the moments.

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He guides her into a dark room and suddenly its filled with incredible light with music and a table set for two. As a woman, I’ve been told men fear romance because they run out of ideas and they know their lady’s heart responds to being wooed.

Romance can be as simple as honestly looking into the eyes of your lover in order to see what’s really going on inside of them.

Romance can be the words you use in a text during the day or when you say goodnight.

Taking the time to go into your heart and find out what speaks to the heart of your lover creates romance.

Be careful here because being open to growing the romantic side of you will make you incredibly attractive!

7.  Fall in love with your life

You have so much to offer. “Incredibly attractive” is simply knowing that and not tolerating play-acting in your life.

It’s about what’s going on inside of you – inside your deepest heart.

Imagine being so interested in your own life that you can’t wait to get up in the morning.

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Imagine having a sense of passionate purpose at the base of your life continually exciting you about how you are made and what you are meant to do to make a difference.

Imagine taking control of your life so that you spend your time the ways you choose to and with whom you choose to.

Imagine listening to someone because you want to know them, not because you want to impress them.

Imagine looking directly into someone’s eyes and saying what you feel and asking for what you want without fear.

How would this feel? Empowering, right?

Begin moving toward becoming this person. That’s the secret to making yourself incredibly attractive.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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