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10 Unexpected Things That Make You A Better Person

10 Unexpected Things That Make You A Better Person

There is little incentive to develop yourself when life is nothing but puppy dogs, rainbows, and gum drops. It is the hard times (not the good ones) that show us what we’re really made of. Here is a small sample of unexpected things that make you a better person.

1. You are a member of the broken-hearts club.

Just because one relationship ended doesn’t mean you are doomed to be lonely forever. It is never wise to place the full weight of our happiness and well-being on the shoulders of another person. You might feel incapable of loving another person right now, but the feeling will pass. Being single will teach you to be more self-reliant and independent. Enjoy the alone time and get your inner-house in order before you invite anyone else to it.

2. You seriously dropped the ball in your relationship.

May I confess something kind of personal? A few years ago, when I was a young and stupid college kid, I cheated on a past partner. I can remember precisely what it sounded like when she cried. I felt so bad about this that I ended up sending her apology letters every now and then for YEARS after the fact. My failure taught me a hard lesson in how selfish actions can hurt other people. Am I happy it happened? Hell, no. But I know it won’t be a repeated mistake, because I never want to make a person feel that way ever again. If you screwed up in some way:

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1) Admit it.
2) Apologize.
3) Explain yourself.
4) Ask for forgiveness.
5) Move on.

Will the other person forgive you? It’s hard to say. But if you perform the above steps, there is little more you can do. Swallow the bitter pill and get on with your life.

3. You lost all faith in (insert God/Goddess/deity here).

First: I know the feeling. I went to a Christian college only to discover I was an atheist in my third year there. This realization came about during a bout of depression, where I stayed awake into the middle of the night, praying as hard as I could. The problem? I couldn’t shake the feeling that no one was listening to me on the other end. I felt alone in the dark, as if I was talking to myself. Losing my faith really sucked at first, but I came out with a stronger sense of independence and personal responsibility. You can also look forward to an improved ability to relate with Christians, atheists, and every religion in between.

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4. You feel so very alone in the world.

Do not wait for someone to fix you (unless you want to be waiting forever). You are the CEO of your life. Feeling alone in the world isn’t fun for anybody. But when you take control of your life, you will discover you’re more powerful than you ever imagined.

5. You faced a harsh rejection.

You applied for a job posting that sounded like it was written for you (only to receive a cold rejection e-mail the day after the interview). You asked out a person who you felt was a perfect match (only to be told “sorry, I just don’t see you that way”). You turned in a paper you felt was worthy of an “A” (only to receive a slap-in-the-face in the form of a “C” and snarky written remark from your jerk professor). The specifics notwithstanding, nothing makes you feel inadequate like rejection. But there is a glimmer of hope here: the more rejection you face, the less it will sting. I feel qualified to say this as a freelance writer and theater actor. The harsh reality of my life? I have been rejected for more writing gigs and acting roles than I’d like to admit. But it is what it is and I refuse to let it drag me down. Being turned down for a job used to make me feel insufficient, but today I don’t even flinch. Do likewise.

6. You realized most people don’t give a crap about you.

It’s harsh but it’s true. Most people are only interested in what you can do for them. The sooner you can learn this, the more you can focus on the people who truly appreciate you for who you are.

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7. You are struggling with no end in sight.

I’m not going to pretend to know how you feel or what you’re going through because I don’t, so I’ll spare you the hokey feel-good pep talk. But let me say this: if you’re going through something that makes you feel sad, angry, stressed, or lost… I’m sorry to hear it. That could be a mental or physical ailment, an unfortunate accident, a lost job, or just about anything. But no matter what you are going through, don’t give up hope. Channel your energy into helping other people facing the same struggle that you are. Helping others will make you feel happy and productive (plus you’ll learn that you are far from alone in the world).

8. You learned happiness isn’t a tangible thing.

“If only I had a better job/relationship/friends/body/car, then I would be happy!” Sound familiar? I hate to break it to you, but none of these things are going to make you feel any better. Do they offer temporary gratification? Sure. But life-long happiness? Probably not. Happiness is not a destination you can arrive to. It is a journey (as well as a choice) and just like any other journey, it has its highs-and-lows.

9. You feel like crying your eyes out.

Do it and without a single iota of shame. When is the last time you had a good cry? If you just paused for 10 seconds while deliberating, that means it has been far too long. Holding in your emotions will make them intensify, creating mental monsters that will be much harder to deal with later. Letting your tears come out without objection will help you relieve stress and drop the baggage that’s holding you back.

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10. You don’t know who you are anymore.

Coming to terms with the fact that your concept of self is shallow can be a shattering experience. Waking up to discover the petty, little words you use to describe yourself lack any true meaning can be a harsh slap-in-the-face. But realizing where you live, work, and worship is but a mere drop in the ocean of who you are opens the door for limitless self discovery and personal transformation. In other words: the real fun starts now. If you want to be a better person who strives to be the best human being they can be, consider this your invitation. Are you in?

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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