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10 Things Your Relationship Needs From You

10 Things Your Relationship Needs From You

It’s funny, when you’re in the first few days, or even weeks, of a new relationship it can be all about how you feel, how you can’t get enough of the other person and how totally awesome your life is. You’ll get the butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms and the eagerness to spend as much time together that you almost become inseparable!

However, as time passes those feelings can fade and the requirement changes from lust and passion to continual adjustment and re-alignment, a bit like maintaining a car. With this in mind, I have come up with 10 things a relationship needs from you. You’ll discover whether your relationship needs a tiny bit of re-tuning or a full on service.

1. Have continuous, kind, and open communication

These are essential in all relationships but most importantly with your partner—how else can you grow as a couple and appreciate one another’s feelings and opinions? They may not always been in alignment with yours but if you don’t communicate how else can you be understood?

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2. Be willing to put in 100% effort when dealing with challenging times and disputes.

Walking away when things get tough won’t solve anything; the problems and issues will rear their ugly heads time and time again. You have got to be willing to deal with any difficulty that comes up and commit to resolving them together.

3. Have fun, laugh a lot, and make your partner smile on a daily basis

I’m not asking you to be a 24/7 stand-up comic for your significant other but being able to make light of difficult situations and help to distract them from the daily grind of life can be a powerful thing, as it can make your partner feel relaxed and at ease.

4. Share life’s lessons and growing pains

Your partner is supposed to be your best friend, whereas with your pals you can share life’s experiences and ever growing lessons, so why not play be the same rules with your loved one? You’ll be pleasantly surprised by their response and they’ll do the same in return.

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5. Respect, provide emotional support and compliment, often!

This is a given isn’t it? The reason why we get into a relationship is to know that you have someone right beside you at all times. In this rollercoaster of an adventure we call life, you have to be there for your partner; to lift them in down times, be happy in good times and to tell them you love, respect, and care about them.

6. Provide intimacy, romance and passion

Without these, your relationship is merely a friendship. All of these actions are the foundation of a loving and caring relationship. You need to want to be together as a couple and to show this you need to provide intimacy, romance and passion consistently and don’t wait for them to make the first move.

7. Share your dreams and ambitions so you are both on the same page

This is so important, because it’s our dreams that keep us moving forward in life. As you’ve got your own willing cheerleader with you, please remember to share your dreams with them regularly. You’ll both have something to work towards together as a couple.

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8. Be a constant source of acceptance, compassion and above all forgiveness

There is so much truth in the saying “You get what you give”, and these three things are the most important things to have the ability to do as a partner. Throughout your relationship you’ll have challenges, upsets and even losses that seem incredibly painful. You have got to be strong for your partner and riding out these tough times will be a significant factor in whether the relationship lasts or not.

9. Give your partner space to be who they are

This can be tough, especially if you are a little insecure or if you have had previous bad relationships and experienced infidelity, however, when you love someone you have got to set them free. Try to remember when you first met your partner: what was it that you loved about them, that first attraction? I suspect it was their natural confidence and how easy it was to be around them, so why take that away? Give them space to be who they are and you’ll be repaid with loyalty, respect and a load of love!

10. Admit your mistakes and be willing to change

We are all human after all, but it is far better to admit your mistakes than to go on pretending that everything is fine or being too stubborn to say sorry. If there is one thing you must do is to learn to understand what happened, adjust and move on from it. These could be the screw ups you have made or your partners.

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So this is the time where I ask if you are doing what you need to do in your relationship. Is it in need of a slight re-tune or a full service?

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Paula Lawes

Paula loves people and connecting. She writes about communication and relationships tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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