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10 Things To Stop Doing Before Entering A New Relationship

10 Things To Stop Doing Before Entering A New Relationship

Finding love again can be an exciting experience. But, there is always a chance that you’re not ready. Repeating old habits can put your intimacy at risk. Want a happy and healthy union? Here are 10 things you need to stop doing before starting a new relationship.

1. Lying or cleverly evading the truth.

Lies, secretiveness and evasiveness demonstrate you don’t respect your partner. Some omissions may seem harmless to you, but can erode trust. No one wants to be kept in the dark about their relationship, or worse, hear the truth through the grapevine.

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2. Fighting for the number 1 spot.

If you can’t imagine sharing the spotlight, then you are not ready for a new relationship. If the thought of having to consider a different viewpoint is overwhelming, you might be better off single. The root of a strong relationship is generosity.

3. Thinking you must always have the last word.

Arguments do not always have a clear winner, and not every topic requires a debate. Sometimes, it’s okay to let it go. A certain topic may ignite you and you may overreact. But, it is often more beneficial to drop the subject – rather than offending your partner by trying to make them agree.

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4. Not knowing how to apologize.

Acknowledging when you’ve hurt someone else is very important. Saying ”I’m sorry” may seem weak to some, but it’s a powerful act that expresses empathy. Don’t ignore the power of empathy and humility in the context of a successful relationship.

5. Ignoring boundaries.

Just because you are in a relationship, or even living together, doesn’t mean that you have the right to violate your lover physically or emotionally. It’s important to discuss comfortable boundaries for each of you. Each party should have a voice that is honored in the relationship. Learn to compromise and stop trying to have it your way all the time.

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6. Treating your lover like competition.

Your lover is not your competitor, or enemy. Drop the rivalry, and ask yourself why you feel the need to compete. You may be hanging on to past slights from other relationships, or have unresolved issues in your current relationship. Identify why you are feeling aggressive, so you can’t let it go. An ideal relationship is one where there is a true partnership.

7. Snooping.

If you start playing detective, this is a sign of trouble. Snooping is a hurtful intrusion that can damage your relationship beyond repair. If you have proof that something is awry, it may be time to seek out a counselor – or end the relationship. You could have a hard time trusting others and not be ready for a relationship. Counseling can help you work through your trust issues and past trauma.

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8. Gossiping.

Talking bad about your partner does not create trust, love, or a lasting connection. If you can’t be loyal, you should ask yourself whether you even want to be in a relationship. Gossiping about your partner will only come back to haunt you. They could find out what you have said and decide to end the relationship. Refrain from sharing intimate details in order to give your love a chance.

9. Hating yourself.

If you are passive-aggressive, negative and insecure, you are not ready for a relationship. If you are only in a relationship for the sex, attention and validation, you are not ready for true love. Give yourself the love you want and need, before seeking acceptance from another person. A relationship should not be your only source of validation.

10. Being someone you’re not.

If you are pursuing relationships that require you to be someone you are not, abort now. If you are lying about your income, career, education, background, skills, or interests, you are not being authentic. You are assuming another identity and acting out a scene from a movie that you wish you starred in. A healthy relationship requires you to peel away your masks and get real. If you can’t accept whose underneath, you can’t expect others to.

Featured photo credit: FireFliesWaltz via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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