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10 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Divorced Parents

10 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Divorced Parents

According to psychologist and researcher Judith Wallerstein, “the highest impact of divorce on children comes 15-25 years AFTER the divorce, when the children enter into a serious romantic relationship… they expect to fail.”

Though it’s a great challenge, many people with divorced parents still try hard to be fully engaged in a relationship. In the process, there’re plenty of challenges…When you love them, please remember the following 10 things…

1. They Don’t Trust Easily

Trust is hard won when you love a person with divorced parents… especially if one or both parents suddenly became unreliable after divorce. They might be able to trust, but they often remind themselves things can change rapidly and unexpectedly. To reduce risks and avoid hard feelings, they choose not to trust easily.

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2. They Still Hurt

Divorce reaches far into the future and for some adults with divorced parents, the pain is still real. When movies show parental love, or when they see loving parents with kids on the street, loads of bittersweet and bad feelings are stirred up.

3. They Need to Know They Can Count On You

Parents are supposed to be the best support system during our childhood. The sad fact for people with divorced parents is that they don’t just lack that support system, they even have great pressure standing between their parents. That’s why they tend to take a huge burden on themselves. But it doesn’t mean they don’t want to rely on someone…They just need someone to offer their shoulders, and to tell them to be themselves and relax.

4. They Don’t Express Their Feelings Very Well

They don’t have their parents around to always tell their stories, feelings, experiences, etc. They might tend to suppress feelings and unable to express their feelings well even if they really want to.

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5. They Think Twice About Changes

Divorce is a traumatic change for nearly every child. A child’s safe, comfy, bubble suddenly bursts. To their impression, changes often denote something negative that can disrupt their lives. They know changes can be positive too, while they’ll hesitate when everyone else are going ahead.

6. They Can Hardly Picture A Healthy Relationship

A happy relationship is a complex mixture of good communication, respect, gratitude, acceptance, trust, friendship, etc. With parents divorced, the model disappears. Or maybe that model hasn’t existed at all before. Unable to picture it well, they find it hard to know which parts they need to work on their own relationships. So never take it as reluctance to work on the relationship, they sometimes really don’t know how to.

7. They’re Great Caretakers

Many of them often feel like they need to become emotional caretakers for the custodial parent. If you love someone with divorced parents you may find yourself being “taken care of.” Recognize that this may be a symptom of a co-dependent relationship that your love may or may not be aware of.

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8. They’re Eager To Take Control

If you’ve never been a child whose parents divorce, you may have a hard time understanding why it’s so important for the person you love to have an unrelenting need to control nearly every aspect of his/her life. With so much unhappy experiecnes out of their control throughout their childhood, they’d really like to take control and never let such things happen again.

9. They Secretly Believe Their Relationship With You Will Fail

You need to know that one of your love’s deepest fears is that your relationship is doomed. If their parents couldn’t make it work, maybe they won’t be able to either. Though they try hard most of the time, when difficulties come, their pessimistic mode will turn on easily.

10. With All These Fears And Struggles, They Still Want Their Relationship With You To Be Forever

This flies in the face of their deepest fear but they really do want their relationship with you to work and they want it to last. The contradiction you see in the one you love may show up as anxiety, worry, and neediness. Be kind. Be compassionate. Understand that your love really wants their relationship with you to be happy and healthy.

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It’s not always easy loving someone with divorced parents. But if you can, your relationship would be the strongest one ever.

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

Think you have a boring life?

The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

2. Go Play with Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Order a Hot Dog

While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

This will give you something to look forward to.

Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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13. People Watch

Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

People are infinitely interesting.

14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

15. Dance

You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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