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10 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Divorced Parents

10 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Divorced Parents

According to psychologist and researcher Judith Wallerstein, “the highest impact of divorce on children comes 15-25 years AFTER the divorce, when the children enter into a serious romantic relationship… they expect to fail.”

Though it’s a great challenge, many people with divorced parents still try hard to be fully engaged in a relationship. In the process, there’re plenty of challenges…When you love them, please remember the following 10 things…

1. They Don’t Trust Easily

Trust is hard won when you love a person with divorced parents… especially if one or both parents suddenly became unreliable after divorce. They might be able to trust, but they often remind themselves things can change rapidly and unexpectedly. To reduce risks and avoid hard feelings, they choose not to trust easily.

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2. They Still Hurt

Divorce reaches far into the future and for some adults with divorced parents, the pain is still real. When movies show parental love, or when they see loving parents with kids on the street, loads of bittersweet and bad feelings are stirred up.

3. They Need to Know They Can Count On You

Parents are supposed to be the best support system during our childhood. The sad fact for people with divorced parents is that they don’t just lack that support system, they even have great pressure standing between their parents. That’s why they tend to take a huge burden on themselves. But it doesn’t mean they don’t want to rely on someone…They just need someone to offer their shoulders, and to tell them to be themselves and relax.

4. They Don’t Express Their Feelings Very Well

They don’t have their parents around to always tell their stories, feelings, experiences, etc. They might tend to suppress feelings and unable to express their feelings well even if they really want to.

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5. They Think Twice About Changes

Divorce is a traumatic change for nearly every child. A child’s safe, comfy, bubble suddenly bursts. To their impression, changes often denote something negative that can disrupt their lives. They know changes can be positive too, while they’ll hesitate when everyone else are going ahead.

6. They Can Hardly Picture A Healthy Relationship

A happy relationship is a complex mixture of good communication, respect, gratitude, acceptance, trust, friendship, etc. With parents divorced, the model disappears. Or maybe that model hasn’t existed at all before. Unable to picture it well, they find it hard to know which parts they need to work on their own relationships. So never take it as reluctance to work on the relationship, they sometimes really don’t know how to.

7. They’re Great Caretakers

Many of them often feel like they need to become emotional caretakers for the custodial parent. If you love someone with divorced parents you may find yourself being “taken care of.” Recognize that this may be a symptom of a co-dependent relationship that your love may or may not be aware of.

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8. They’re Eager To Take Control

If you’ve never been a child whose parents divorce, you may have a hard time understanding why it’s so important for the person you love to have an unrelenting need to control nearly every aspect of his/her life. With so much unhappy experiecnes out of their control throughout their childhood, they’d really like to take control and never let such things happen again.

9. They Secretly Believe Their Relationship With You Will Fail

You need to know that one of your love’s deepest fears is that your relationship is doomed. If their parents couldn’t make it work, maybe they won’t be able to either. Though they try hard most of the time, when difficulties come, their pessimistic mode will turn on easily.

10. With All These Fears And Struggles, They Still Want Their Relationship With You To Be Forever

This flies in the face of their deepest fear but they really do want their relationship with you to work and they want it to last. The contradiction you see in the one you love may show up as anxiety, worry, and neediness. Be kind. Be compassionate. Understand that your love really wants their relationship with you to be happy and healthy.

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It’s not always easy loving someone with divorced parents. But if you can, your relationship would be the strongest one ever.

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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