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10 Things Parents Should Stop Expecting For Their Children

10 Things Parents Should Stop Expecting For Their Children

Every parent has a sense of responsibility towards their children. Through their affection and love, they also expect their kids to show intense appreciation for whatever they have given to them. However, nothing is perfect in any relationship. Amazing rewards and difficult suffering are what our kids offer to us. Loving our children means that we have to adjust our thoughts and not set the bar too high for them. Tolerating their misbehavior means understanding that children will always be children, and they can be sneaky, irritating, and discomforting. Here are some things you should not expect for your children.

1. A perfect report card

We all want our children to get great grades, something we can be proud of and brag about to our friends and relatives. But children have different ways to respond to education. Most children need to be guided and nurtured through the education process. Even Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs didn’t get A’s in elementary school. Offer them the opportunity to grow and they may end up earning better grades with time.

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2. A sudden and abrupt change to who you want them to be

Possibly your son or daughter loves to cry for anything they want and this irritates you or they love to watch TV over doing their assignments, you should make it clear that you want them to change and improve their behavior. It is understandable to have standard and requirements that will push to become better kids, but don’t expect this improvement to be swift and sudden. Sometimes change can be gradual and progressive.

3. They will only do what you tell them rather than what you do

You should understand that children can be more reactive than responsive in certain situations. They are not robotic and are more likely to do what they see you do rather than what they hear you say. Try to lead by example. If you want them not to lie, don’t lie to them. If you don’t want them to use obscene words, don’t use them yourself.

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4. They will always be grateful for everything you have given them

Expecting that they will be more than thankful for the school expenses you take care of or that you provide them with good food and cool clothes may be expecting too much. Children are not perfect and often ungrateful; they can believe that it is simply their right to have these things, and that as a parent you should fix everything. It is better to inculcate the concept of gratitude in them rather than expect them to be grateful for everything you have given them.

5. They will fit into the idea of what you want them to be

You may love the neighbor’s daughter for always being decent and speaking intelligently. You may expect the same from your kids and try to demand this from them. Yet it is very difficult to make them fit into the idea of what you want them to be because they are nurtured under a different environment and have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. It is best to work with the positive qualities you see in them rather than condemn or expect too much from them.

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6. They will always be forgiving

Children can be stressed out sometimes. Parents could suddenly get a divorce, or move to another country, or lose their jobs and put the family on a financial strain. Children cannot always be forgiving when they are caught as victims and get so emotionally involved in something they are not responsible for. It is best to practice forgiveness first and trust they will do the same with time.

7. They will not be concerned about how you treat each other

It will be best to manage your emotions in front of your kids. The emotions they should see you display should be positive ones. If you talk down to your spouse, you should expect the same from them when they eventually grow up.

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8. That everything is okay

Everything is never okay. Every kid has his or her struggles, and yours is no exception. Try to be there for them through their insecurities. Reach out to them to gain knowledge of what they are going through. Kids will always need your understanding rather than you assumptions.

9. They will not try to get away with anything

Sometimes, allowing your kids to learn a life lesson from a situation can make them better persons more than punishing them would. They are not perfect and will make mistakes. Yet let them understand that there are consequences for every action. This is better than pushing them to make more bad choices by covering up their every action. Be open and offer room for little errors.

10. They will never get it wrong

I remember when I misplaced forty dollars when I was sent on an errand as a child. I had gone to play at a friend’s house rather than just going to buy what my mother sent me. Even before returning home or before my mom gave me a scolding, I felt terrible about it. As parents, we make mistakes. My mistakes sometimes are due not only to negligence, but also overconfidence. Children shouldn’t have an umbrella of perfection hovering over them.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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