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10 Things Only Healthy Couples Understand

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10 Things Only Healthy Couples Understand

It is no secret that thriving relationships take work and are only successful if both sides put in the effort to maintain them. But what are some of the keys to nourishing a healthy relationship? Read on to find out.

1. They accept their partner as he or she is

There is no pressure to change one another, because both of you know that no one is perfect and that everyone has their flaws. Instead of dwelling on the shortcomings you embrace their strengths and are grateful for finding such a great partner. And if they want to improve themselves in anyway you are 100 percent behind them, cheering them on all the way.

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2. They ask how each others’ day was

The moment that they walk through the door, they take a moment and ask how each others’ day went. It may be a quick check-in or a longer discussion, but that moment of contact is crucial for couples to reconnect after a busy day and be clued in to what happened to their significant other while they were apart.

3. They never bring up past sore points in current arguments

Couples that have healthy relationships know not to bring up sensitive topics from past arguments, because they know that it will only escalate the current disagreement. They have learned that fighting should be fair and that dwelling on past low points will only open wounds and be counterproductive to figuring out a solution for the issue at hand.

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4. They trust one another with the other gender

There is a great amount of trust in one another that they honor their relationship and not stray. They trust that if their partner has a friend of the opposite sex, that they are just a friend and nothing more. They have built this trust by demonstrating honesty with one another and expecting the same in return.

5. They fully support each others’ passions

Couple who are in a thriving relationship, support each others’ hobbies and passions without hesitation. They know that if their partner is doing something that truly makes them happy, then their relationship will directly benefit from it as a result.

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6. They know the importance of compromise

They understand that relationships take work and are willing to work things out so both parties are happy with all the decisions that are made together. Their is a mutral understanding that sometimes there is a little give and take, but that ultimately each member has only the best interests in mind for everyone involved.

7. They show appreciation for the small everyday things

Grand sweeping gestures are always exciting for couples to give to each other, but it is the small every day things that are met with deeper gratitude. Sparkling jewelry might blow her mind in the moment, but helping out with the dishes on a consistent basis will stay in her mind longer and will be met with a true appreciation that you are putting in effort to maintain the relationship.

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8. They compliment each other frequently

Couples who have flourishing relationships, know that it is important to compliment each other frequently to boost each others’ confidence. They know firsthand that nothing compares to getting praise from their significant other and they are bound to return the favor often.

9. They don’t take themselves too seriously

Couples that are able to maintain a healthy relationship make sure to add laughter to the mix, whether it is through inside jokes or having silly pet names that they can call each other at home.

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10. They are straightforward with each other

An important contributing factor to healthy relationships is that the lines of communication are clear and that each party says what is on their mind, instead of beating around the bush. They know that their partner is not a mind-reader and that they have to be direct if they want their partner to know what is on their mind.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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