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10 Things Happy People Don’t Believe

10 Things Happy People Don’t Believe

So you want to be happy? Well, there’s only one thing standing in your way. You. Happiness is a choice that only happy people make. Here are the 10 delusions happy people don’t subscribe to. These can help you understand how to be happy.

1. Life is fair.

Happiness isn’t about always getting what you want. Happy people understand that sometimes life doesn’t go their way; life isn’t fair. What they do know, is that you can only do your best, forgive yourself for what doesn’t work, and let go when you need to.

2. Suffering is bad.

Suffering is an inevitable condition of humanity. You cannot survive this world without at least a little suffering. Happy people know a deeper happiness comes through surviving a deep pain. We learn what we’re truly made of when faced with such hurt.

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3. I’m in control of things.

As hard as you work, and as much as you try to plan it all out, you’re just not in control. You cannot control the actions or thoughts of others. In order to reach happiness, happy people accept this inevitable truth and learn to be proactive rather than reactive to life’s surprises and mishaps.

4. People are obligated to love me a specific way.

If your happiness is dependent on how other people feel about you, you will never be happy. You can’t please everyone and you certainly can’t force anyone to love you in a specific way. Happy people accept the way their loved ones feel, and work at showing their affection and asking for what they need rather than expecting people to love them the way they want to be loved.

5. Everyone hates me.

This is a toxic belief and a delusion, yet sadly a great proportion of unhappy people fall prey to this, which is largely why they are unhappy. Happy people face the world with a healthy dose of curiosity and nonchalance. They are interested in others, yet not so dependent on being loved in a specific way. Making friends takes time, that’s all.

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6. I can’t.

If you believe you are incapable and let that belief keep you from happiness, then ultimately you give truth to a self-imposed fallacy. The only way to improve and succeed at anything is to try and try again. Consider this: who is your idol? Do you think he or she is so accomplished through a life void of failure? No! They simply do not let their doubts keep them from happiness.

7. I have something to prove.

Unhappy people seek happiness through approval. Unfortunately, that approval is impossible to achieve because it is caused by a inner lack, which keeps them constantly striving. Happiness can only be achieved through self-acceptance. Yours is the only approval you need.

8. It doesn’t matter.

“It doesn’t matter” is just an excuse. It’s what unhappy people tell themselves to avoid confrontation when they’ve been mistreated, or to endure a lack of courage when they don’t follow their dreams. Happiness matters. Respect matters. Don’t dismiss your needs to avoid responsibility of your own happiness.

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9. I’d be happier, if only I were [fill in the blank].

You know your routine. I’d be happier, if only I were skinnier, prettier, smarter, the CEO. Happy people know the secret to happiness is accepting themselves–flaws and all. It’s okay to work on improving yourself–we’re always in a state of learning–but it’s not okay to berate yourself for your flaws. Focus on your strengths.

10. I’m too old.

You are never too old. Yes, you may look silly. And, yes, it may be harder than you expect, but it’s never too late to choose happiness. Happy people keep choosing happiness every day, whether they felt it early on or discovered the secret later in life, it’s their choice. Life is unpredictable. The only sure thing is we’re all getting older one day at a time, so don’t let that keep you from happiness.

Want some more motivation to kick that happiness into gear? Check out these 20 Definitions Of Happiness You Need To Know.

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Featured photo credit: Alba Soler Photography via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 9, 2019

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

Do any of the followings sound familiar…

You cringe at the thought of saying no. You obsess about what others think of you and whether you’re doing something to make them dislike you. You live your life based on the opinions of others because you are deathly afraid of disappointing them.

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser.

It’s hard not to struggle with people-pleasing at one time or another in our lives. As social beings, it’s in our nature to get along with others; our survival and success depend on it.

However, there is a fine line between healthy social behavior and the experience of emotional depletion caused by chronic people-pleasing. In addition to being emotionally drained, you may find yourself compromising on your principles and values in order to be accepted. As you help others to get what they want, your own health and well-being will suffer.

As a recovering people pleaser myself, I’ve observed these five common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

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Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you?

You understand a deep truth about decisions and opinions: they divide. However, it’s not in your nature to cause division by speaking up, so you remain silent to avoid conflict.

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

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Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have divergent opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

By speaking up, you may rock the boat. You may even be outvoted. But if you treat others with respect, they will respect you even when they disagree with your opinions and choices.

3. You’re Crushed When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true.

Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

4. You’re Resentful of Others but Are Not Sure Why

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

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Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

5. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries. You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth.

Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

Learn to set boundaries for good: How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

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Final Thoughts

You can be generous without allowing yourself to be used. You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be well-liked without having to sell your soul.

Don’t allow your fears and insecurities to turn you into a chronic people-pleaser. Instead, make time to please one of the most important people in your life: you.

Why? Because when you care for yourself, you can care for others out of the abundance of your own well-being. You will do this not because you are afraid of losing their affection, but simply because you want to. You will experience true freedom.

So decide today to give yourself the same love and attention you give to others. This is one decision you won’t regret.

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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