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10 Steps to Fight Your Way Out Of Despair and Find Happiness Again

10 Steps to Fight Your Way Out Of Despair and Find Happiness Again

When everything has gone wrong; you’ve lost someone you love, you’ve lost your business, you’ve lost your money.

You want to give up. But you won’t, you can’t.

You need to find a way to fight back.

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What do you do to find happiness again?

This is the way to do it‒in 10 steps.

1. Breathe

When I touched bottom, I had a 10 point To Do list on my refrigerator. Every morning I wrote at the top, in position number one: “BREATHE.” That was it. For months there was nothing else on the list.

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Even though it sometimes seems impossible, there will be a brighter day. But to get there you have to remember to keep doing that one thing: BREATHE.

2. Remember this: all things must pass

It’s the basic law of life. Good times, bad times, nothing ever stays the same. A run of bad luck can’t go on forever. The tide will come back in; it always does. It’s a law of life. Until then, keep breathing.

3. Look for the light at the end of the tunnel

You may not see it today, you may not see it tomorrow. But if you stick to steps one and two, you will finally see that glimmer one day. I promise you.

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4. “Poco a poco”.

It’s a saying where I live in Spain. They use it all the time; it means “little by little.” You may want this nightmare to be over today, but it doesn’t work like that. Grief, financial meltdown, divorce; these are things you walk through one small step at a time. When you finally see the light, chart a course towards it and start walking, one small step at a time.

5. Be gentle with yourself

If you ever played Snakes and Ladders as a kid, you’ll know how frustrating it is to get halfway up the board then come hurtling back down again. Well this is going to be like that. You’ll think you’re almost out of it; you’re feeling a little better, or you cut a break in your career and you think the worst is done and then you find yourself back in the pits again. That’s okay, that’s how it works. Go back to step 1 and breathe.

6. Don’t think that time heals all wounds

Because it doesn’t. People tell you this, and they’d like it to be true, but really it isn’t. It’s been ten years now since I lost everything‒I mean everything‒and some days it still hurts. Grief is nuclear, it has a shelf life of thousands of years. Believing that it will magically go away one day will just keep you mired in the past. What you want is for the pain to subside so that you can start again‒that’s not the finishing line, but for now it’s your starting post.

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7. Be tough with yourself

Allow yourself to grieve; if you’ve lost someone you love, then don’t hold back the tears. If you made a mistake that’s cost you your business, your house, the farm‒okay, indulge yourself, beat up on yourself. But sooner or later you have to stop. You’ll know when it’s time. But when that day comes, you have to raise your eyes and discipline yourself not to keep looking back.

8. Don’t make big decisions

Sometimes it’s tempting to grasp for the first life vest someone throws us: a new investment that will make good of our losses or a new lover to heal our pain. We want so badly for this to be over. But be warned‒the time to make any big decisions is when you’re not hurting.

9. Don’t expect things to be the same again

When the tide comes back in, whatever was written on the sand before is gone. Accept that what you are going through is a life changing event. Your new life may look nothing like the old one. Wear the scar and move on to that new life, whatever it is. Write new things in the sand.

10. Remember to like what is left

This is the most important step of all. If you can do all these things and not break, then what is left is a remarkable person. What has happened to you is not a good thing, but you have walked through fire and come out the other side. That makes you a truly remarkable person. Never ever forget that.

 

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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