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10 Simple Ways To Keep A Fulfilling Relationship

10 Simple Ways To Keep A Fulfilling Relationship

In order for you to experience a fulfilling relationship, you must invest the time and energy to develop the relationship and to invest in your own personal development and self growth. You can’t have one without the other. The investment in the relationship and the investment in your personal development is the secret sauce to having a relationship that is both satisfying and fascinating. A fulfilling relationship includes two partners who both invest in their own development just as much as developing the relationship.

Small baby steps will completely transform your relationship. Before you can make big changes in your relationship, you must take thousands of small steps. These steps are both positive and brings excitement in the relationship. This excitement encourages the both of you to live a better life. Not only will your relationship reap the small changes but so will you within your own individual life. Below are 10 simple ways that you can start taking today in order for you to keep and maintain a fulfilling relationship.

1. Live without expectations.

Don’t just expect your partner to do something to make you happy.

Expecting that your partner will do a specific action for you to be happy is a foolish way of thinking. How would you feel if your partner always expected you to call as soon as you finished work? I’m sure you would feel a sense of  pressure and obligation. Nobody wants to feel obligated to do anything. You would be more than willing to call your partner after work if you didn’t feel obligated. Put yourself in the shoes of your partner. If you’re expecting your partner to always make you happy, you will never be completely satisfied in your life.

A relationship is a bond between two individuals that has something to put on the table. You can’t expect your partner to be the end-all, be-all to your happiness. You must take responsibility for your happiness and have your partner contribute to your happiness. A fulfilling relationship is when both individuals contribute to each other’s happiness, but without any expectations. You are the one who decides for yourself if you are happy or unhappy. Don’t put that decision on your partner. Remember, your partner can only contribute to your happiness.

2. Focus on improving your flaws.

Look at yourself first instead of pointing out the flaws of your partner.

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It’s human nature to point out the flaws of others before looking at our own flaws. For you to experience a fulfilling relationship, you must learn the importance of focusing on improving your own flaws rather than pointing out the flaws of your partner. We all have imperfections—that is part of who we are. When a disagreement occurs between you and your partner, look within first before looking at the flaws of your partner. If you focus too much on your partner’s flaws, you will end up being judgmental and critical. This does nothing but weaken the foundation of your relationship.

Next time you are in disagreement with your partner, instead of pointing the finger at your partner, point the finger at yourself and ask, “What do I need to improve on?” It may be the ability to fully listen to your partner’s perspective or not being so stubborn and hardheaded. Whatever it may be, look at yourself for the solution rather than looking at your partner as the problem. You will only be treading water if you continue to focus on your partner’s flaws. Make the commitment today to start focusing on your own personal development. Not only will you benefit from this, but also your relationship.

3. Be calm before the storm.

Don’t just react immediately when your partner does something that upsets you.

Immediately attacking your partner after they have upset you will only make the situation worse. Think about the saying, “the calm before the storm.” This is the peaceful and quiet period before a period of trouble and distress. I know from personal experience how easy it can be to react to your partner when they make you upset. It takes patience and the ability to consciously stop yourself from reacting negatively. It will not be an overnight fix; rather, it will be a long term change of behavior. It will be your behavior that will either worsen the storm or lessen the winds of impact. It’s your decision to make.

Just remember, if you continue to react negatively towards your partner whenever they upset you, they are more likely to hide anything that will make you upset. Do you want to establish a foundation that is based on secrets and lies? I’m sure you don’t. So, practice the strategy of taking deep breaths and consciously stopping yourself from reacting negatively. Understand where your partner is coming from and communicate in a way that is effective and encourages positive dialogue. Commit to developing a solid foundation of trust, commitment and patience.

4. Set boundaries.

Let each other know about these boundaries and decide what you’ll do if the boundaries have been crossed.

Setting boundaries for your own well-being and also for the well-being of your relationship is key to experiencing a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Without boundaries, how do you or your partner know where to draw the line? Setting boundaries will establish a solid foundation. Think of a house being built. There is a blueprint of how the house should be built. Without this blueprint, the house will be built on a weak foundation. It’s the same with your relationship. The boundaries are the blueprint in which you and your partner establish in order to experience a fulfilling relationship.

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You and your partner must decide the boundaries that you want to establish in your relationship. Think about your personal values and beliefs that you have for yourself. What do you value and what do you believe in? The answers will help you create boundaries in your relationship. If you value honesty and open communication be sure to establish this in your relationship. A boundary of this can be, “If your partner lies to you on a continuous basis and lacks the ability to have open communication, then the consequence is to break up.” Again, you are the only one who will decide the boundaries that you want to have in your relationship. Be clear with your boundaries, effectively communicate why it’s important to you and what the consequences are if these boundaries are crossed.

5. Develop your own sense of direction.

Even though you are in a relationship, continue to develop yourself as an individual.

When you’re on cloud 9, it’s easy to forget about your personal needs. You tag along your partner and put your needs aside. What happens when you do this? You lose yourself and become resentful because your partner is living out their dreams but you’re not. You will need to balance developing your relationship and also developing yourself. As I’ve shared with you in the beginning of this article, in order for you to experience a fulfilling relationship, you must invest into your relationship just as much as you invest into your personal development.

A fulfilling relationship is a combination of your dreams and the dreams of your partner. It’s about putting both of your dreams on the table and encouraging each other to pursue these dreams. A healthy relationship requires both partners to express themselves and their needs. Make sure that you develop your purpose just as much as you encourage your partner to do the same.

6. Be curious about your partner.

No matter what challenges come your way, always make it a precedent to be curious about your partner and their needs.

This has become a precedent that I have set in my own marriage. Every evening after work, my husband and I sit on the couch and just ask each other thought-provoking questions. These questions allow both of us to better understand each other. Never allow the stress of life to take over your relationship. Continue to push stress back and develop the foundation of your relationship.

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Ever wonder why young children are so curious about life? They are excited to share all that they learning about the world. The curiosity and excitement of a young child should inspire you to do the same with your partner. Be curious and excited to learn more about your partner. What interests them? What makes them happy? What brings them to tears? Questions like these will help you establish the a colorful love map of your partner.

7. Step away from the crowd.

Instead of living up to society’s standard, decide for yourself the type of relationship you want to have.

We live in a society where we are constantly surrounded by noise. This noise can have an influence with how we handle our relationship, whether it be what we see in the magazines or reality shows. Instead of being influenced by the noise of society, decide with your partner on the relationship you want to nurture. A fulfilling relationship focuses on both partners’ individual needs with what the relationship needs as a whole.

Be clear with the kind of relationship you want to experience with your partner. Don’t just copy what you see on the television or in a magazine. It’s important for you to decide the foundation in which your relationship is built upon. Focus on your individual needs and what a healthy and happy relationship looks like to you.

8. Develop a common purpose.

Find a passion that both of you have in common and make sure you take the time to develop your passion.

Personally, I’ve experienced the power of developing a common purpose. My husband John and I are very passionate about helping others in life and marriage. With this passion, we have decided to make it our mission to help individuals and couples live a life truly worth living. This is our common purpose where we gain a sense of togetherness and inspiration. We not only are helping others but indirectly helping our life and marriage.

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Find out a common purpose that you and your partner share. This may be snowboarding or traveling. Whatever your common purpose may be, make sure you take the time to develop it. A fulfilling relationship is a balance between “individual dreams” and “together dreams.” Take the time to nurture both!

9. Be hungry for personal development.

Constantly feed your mind with ways on how to grow and develop both as an individual and as a couple.

We are all lifelong learners. Even when you’re 87 years old, you will still learn something new. Everyday should be an opportunity for you to grow, develop and deepen the wisdom of life. This includes both your individual development and as the development of your relationship. Read personal development and relationship books that will give you the wisdom to live a better life. I suggest that you get yourself a library card and read, read, read. There are endless amounts of books at the library for you to gain wisdom from. Also, instead of listening to the radio in your car, grab some audio programs from the library and start listening to them in the car. Did you know that the american commuter spends 38 hours a year stuck in traffic? Instead of being stressed about the traffic, listen to a personal development or marriage audio program. This will not only decrease your stress level but you are gaining wisdom at the same time.

The energy of a relationship will effect  both individuals. Feed this energy with inspiration every single day. Constantly look for ways to develop yourself and your relationship. Never stop learning. For when you stop, you stop growing.

10. Surround yourself with positive people.

Be very selective with the people you surround yourself with. They will indirectly influence your relationship.

The people you hang around with do influence you. I remember a time when I had a friend who would brag about the gifts her husband would buy her. She would show it off and it always made me feel bad about myself. It was as if I had to compete with her. This negative way of thinking is not necessary and can be avoided. This makes me think about society’s standard of living. Never fall into the trap of keeping up with the Joneses. Your relationship will suffer and your individual happiness will never be satisfied. Be careful with the people you call friends. They indirectly influence how you think and act. Surround yourself with people who are like-minded who value what you value.

These 10 simple ways to keep a fulfilling relationship will take time to establish but once your foundation is solid, you’ll look back and be happy that you started making the small necessary steps to changing your relationship!

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Tiffany Mason

Tiffany is a life coach empowering women to unleash their feminine essence & design a meaningful life & marriage.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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