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10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Incredibly Attractive People

10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Incredibly Attractive People

Introverts are often thought of as shy, aloof, disinterested and “stuck up” because they keep a low profile. But that assumption couldn’t be further from the truth. Think of James Bond for a moment.

Bond doesn’t always wear his emotions on his sleeve — or on his face. He is quiet, pensive, confident and driven. Do you think his demeanor makes him more or less attractive? His style makes him more attractive.

Similarly, introverts don’t center themselves as the life of the party, but they are among the most incredibly attractive and fascinating people you’ll ever meet. Here’s why:

1. They are mysterious.

Introverts have an mysterious aura about them. People want to know what they are thinking, but will never know all of it. This makes introverts incredibly fascinating and intimidating at the same time. It is no wonder that they are so extremely misunderstood by the more outgoing and vocal people in our society.

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2. They are easy to be around.

It might surprise you, but introverts are some of the nicest and friendliest people you’ll ever meet. They are naturally chilled out, relaxed and loving. In a world that is always in a rush and that can’t stop talking and clamoring for the limelight, the introvert’s cool and laid-back nature is extremely appealing. It is true that introverts are drained by crowds, but they thrive in small groups and one-on-one interactions.

3. They are dreamers.

Despite what you may have heard, dreaming is anything but a waste of time. Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman and colleagues explain that a mind that wonders aids in the process of “creative incubation.” You may already know from experience that our best ideas come seemingly out of the blue when our minds are elsewhere.

Introverted people get lost in their minds often and come out of them with refreshing and wonderful ideas. When you are with them you are fascinated and feel like a part of the magic because of the way they treat you and let you in on intriguing, new possibilities.

4. They are good listeners

It seems everyone in our extroverted world today is preoccupied with themselves and what’s on their own mind. Every day is like a shouting contest where everyone wants to speak and no one wants to listen. So, when someone shows an interest in another and is willing to listen, it’s a huge attractor. Introverts listen more than they speak. They listen with the view to understand and not merely to reply. And that is incredibly rare and special. It boosts stronger connections and healthier relationships.

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5. They are intrinsically motivated.

As inwardly-oriented people, introverts tend to be intrinsically motivated. That means they are motivated to act by deeper, internal convictions rather than shallow, external motivations like reward and recognition.

They know who they are, what they want and what matters in their life. And that is why they are the ones most likely to pursue their true passions despite the risks and inconveniences involved. Anyone who is self-driven, motivated by higher values and passionate is undeniably attractive and inspiring.

6. They are observant.

Introverts see things others often miss or don’t see. The world is an introvert’s wonderland with possibilities everywhere. They are constantly taking in information in their quiet state and using it as fodder for creative expression. When you are with an introvert, nothing is lost. And it often seems like the introverted person always knows what you want even when you haven’t spelt it out, which is brilliant and endearing.

7. They are mindful of what they say.

Nothing makes you look stupid and unattractive faster than saying inappropriate things because you rushed to speak and did not take time to consider your words. Introverts don’t speak out of turn. In fact, they won’t speak at all unless they have something important to say. And when they do speak, they say just enough to pique your interest and leave you wanting more. The more they speak the more fascinated you become and the more you want to hear them speak.

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8. They are creative, out-of-the box thinkers.

According to studies by the psychologists Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and Gregory Feist, the most spectacularly creative people in many fields are often introverted. That’s largely because solitude is a key ingredient for creative success. Introverts have no fear of being alone. They actually cherish privacy and freedom from interruption. In the state of solitude, introverts get in touch with their inner monologue, ask the right questions and flex their creative muscles.

Author Susan Cain notes that, “Without introverts, the world would be devoid of: the theory of gravity; the theory of relativity; W. B. Yeats’s “The Second Coming”; Chopin’s nocturnes; Proust’s In Search of Lost Time; Peter Pan…” and so on.

That natural tendency to embrace solitude, focus deeply on a subject, think and act creatively makes introverts, past and present, gloriously remarkable and attractive people.

9. They are studious and smart.

Introverts are naturally drawn to reading and study. They enjoy learning and figuring out new things for themselves. And while they might be dubbed book worms, they are smart. And a smart person is sexy and attractive. You are better off spending time with someone who’s knowledgeable and eagerly interested in learning more, than someone who is ignorant and disinterested.

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10. They are intellectually stimulating.

Because introverts are studious and self-reflective, their conversations are intellectually stimulating. They know all kinds of things to share with others. And there is something magical and beautiful about someone who lights up and is energized by meaningful, intelligent conversations.

Featured photo credit: Qsimple, Memories For The Future Photography via flickr.com

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on January 14, 2021

How to Apologize When You Have Made a Mistake

How to Apologize When You Have Made a Mistake

Despite our best intentions and efforts, making mistakes is a fact of life. Humans are prone to error, so we are inevitably going to mess up at one point or another.

Many of the slip ups we make won’t have any impact on those around us, but what about the times when they do hurt someone else, either inadvertently or purposefully? Do we ignore the mistake and hope it will go away on its own? Do we confront the mistake, however painful that may be, and apologize? How we react to our mistakes defines both who we are and how we are perceived by others.

I’m a voice and presence coach specializing in training people to find their voice and speak their truth. One of the most difficult tasks I teach my students is how to apologize authentically. It takes a lot of vulnerability to admit wrongdoing, and even more so to seek forgiveness and make amends. (After all, we live in a world where some of our top leaders openly avoid taking accountability for their mistakes.) However, like anything else in life, if you ignore something painful instead of facing it, that pain tends to grow and appear in other parts of your life. It’s better to face these things head on.

So how do you apologize effectively? Technically, there is no one “right” way, but there are plenty of ineffective ways to go about apologizing. I’m going to approach this from the perspective that we are genuinely remorseful and wish to make amends for the hurt we have caused.

Simply saying, “I’m sorry” is easy. But it’s important that your words match your intention. It’s complex to apologize authentically when you have made a mistake – to utter remorse that is grounded in your truth, and it’s what we’re going to cover here.

In order to make a genuine apology, I refer to a practice introduced to me by a mentor several years ago: the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer. I’m not an expert on Hawaiian prayer, but having meditated with this one for a number of years, I can say that this practice of reconciliation and forgiveness is incredibly powerful.

Ho’oponopono means “to make right” or “rectify an error.” What sets this practice apart is that the focus is not on controlling a particular outcome (i.e. healing the hurt relationship you have with this person), but instead on healing yourself in order to heal the situation.

The Ho’oponopono prayer is profoundly simple, and translates as follows:

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Everything we need to apologize is right here. Let’s break down the structure of this apology into these 4 concrete steps for before, during, and after the apology.

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Before the Apology

Step 1: I’m Sorry – What are you sorry for?

Before you start speaking and leading from pure emotion, it’s important to actually figure out what you are sorry for:

Start by Writing Down the Facts

When you’re writing this out, avoid assigning any judgments to the scenario or making any assumptions about the person affected by your mistake. Instead stick to straight facts. Dump the whole situation onto the page, including all the details.

Ex. My friend was having a hard time with her boyfriend. She kept complaining to me about it, and I was tired of listening to the situation. I also felt I knew exactly what was going on, and what was not working, so I finally got blunt and told her my opinion. She was very offended. I realized afterward that she just needed an ear to listen, and she wasn’t looking for my advice.

Write Down Your Part in Making This Mistake

Stick to your contribution only. Avoid speaking for anyone else, simply focus on what you did that you know helped create the situation.

Ex. I gave feedback that my friend wasn’t interested in hearing. My mistake was assuming that she’d be better off if she heard what I had to say.

After Writing It All Down, Ask Yourself How You’re Feeling by Grounding Yourself in Your Truth

I teach a process to my clients called the Voice Body Connection process, which starts with grounding yourself in your physical sensations. This process will help you find your voice and speak your truth objectively, even if you are flooded with strong emotions in the moment.

Identify the Physical Sensations You Feel

Now that you have relived the experience of making the mistake by writing it out, tune into your body, and ask yourself the question:

“What is the strongest SENSATION I feel in my body right now?”

Be sure to keep this body-based. When you are preparing to apologize, taking note of your sensations helps you ground yourself in how you are feeling so that you can show up.

Ex. I feel an aching sensation in my heart.

Identify Why You Think You Are Feeling This Sensation

After you’ve identified your primary sensations, ask yourself the following question:

“What do I think is the STIMULUS that led me to feel this sensation?”

This is likely a very simple statement that you already wrote about. It’s the heart of the matter.

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Ex. I gave my friend advice she wasn’t asking for.

Identify Your Emotions About This Situation

Now that you know why you are feeling these physical sensations, move to identify your emotions. Ask yourself:

“What are my EMOTIONS about noticing all of this?”

Some primary emotions are fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, and arousal.

Ex. I’m feeling sad that I crossed my friend’s boundaries.

Identify Your Ideal Outcome For This Situation

Your emotions are tied to your desire for a future outcome. Ask yourself,

“Do I have any desires related to everything I just noticed?”

Examples of core desires are safety, comfort, bonding/love, and curiosity/growth.

Ex. I want to repair the relationship so that we can be close again.

Make Sure You Actually Want Forgiveness And Reconnection

Please keep in mind that if in this process, you discover that you don’t feel safe with this other person. There’s no reason to apologize and re-connect.

But if you feel safe and comfortable with them and desire to be connected again, then you can proceed to the next step of the Ho’oponopono prayer.

During the Apology

Step 2: Please Forgive Me

You’re not going to share everything from your process above with your friend. What you are going to share is your acknowledgment of the hurt you caused, your part in creating that situation, and your desire to reconnect[1].

It’s also very important to be clear about only speaking your truth and not commenting on their side. That’s their job.

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You can use this script by filling in the observations you noted above:

I think <a simple statement about what happened> happened between us…

And I believe my mistake was <insert your part here>…

I am left feeling <insert your emotions>…

and moving forward, I would want to <insert your desires>.

Ex. I think I gave you feedback that you weren’t interested in hearing…

And I believe my mistake was assuming that you’d be better off if you heard what I felt I needed to say.

I am left feeling sad that I crossed your boundaries.

And moving forward what I really want is to be close to you again, and to assure you that I will ask permission in the future before I give you advice.

Once you’ve shared this introductory olive branch, stop talking about yourself. This is it for now…. it’s all you needed to say to get the conversation started.

Your next job is to listen and be curious. Ask open-ended questions about their experience like “How did that feel for you?”. De-center yourself and let your friend share as much as they need to. When you do speak, let them know that you hear what they are saying, and acknowledge your impact.

I’ll grant you that this is hard to do – it’s easy to get defensive. But your checklist is:

  • Tell them you heard them
  • Let them know you understand you had an impact on them
  • Ask them more about their experience

Step 3: Thank You

Now that you have asked the other person about their experience, it is quite possible that they will say things you don’t want to hear. You may find yourself feeling defensive or even angry. A stressful situation like this can trigger “fight or flight” mode in your body: you may notice that you start sweating, that your pupils are narrowing, that your eyes tear up, that you start experiencing tunnel vision. This is all normal.

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To help stave this off and stay present, keep being genuinely curious about what their experience has been. Don’t listen to be “right,” listen to be connected. Listen to understand.

Even if they say something you don’t like hearing, thank them anyway for sharing the truth of their experience and for being in your life. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but it is a necessary step towards your own healing in the Ho’oponopono prayer.

Moving Forward Post-Apology

Step 4: I Love You

Let’s say you’re actually at a place where the relationship you have with the other person can be repaired. “I love you” encourages curiosity: how can you repair and reconnect? How can things look different moving forward?

Think of something you can do to express and experience your love, appreciation, or respect for each other. Make a plan for how to move forward.

A great practice is to make a list of things you are grateful for about the other person. Be sure to share this list, either as a letter or just out loud. It’s important to share how much we appreciate each other, and it feels as good to give gratitude as it does to receive it.

This last portion of the prayer is not just for the other person… it’s for you as well. Filling yourself with a sense of love ensures that you’ll be able to move on from the mistake and heal. It’s easy for many of us to beat ourselves up and continue to hold onto guilt, or even shame, about a mistake we have made — even though we are genuinely remorseful and have tried to make amends.

You can continue to repeat the entire Ho’oponopono prayer to yourself after the encounter where you have apologized:

I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

In doing so, you may find you’re apologizing to yourself too.

The Bottom Line

To speak our truth in an apology, we must show up fully without expecting anything of the other person. Though we cannot affect or control the outcome of the apology, no matter how repentant we are, following the Ho’oponopono can guide us to true repair and healing.

If you have been stuck on finding the “right” way to reconnect and apologize to someone in your life, I hope this process inspired by the Ho’oponopono prayer will help you to make that first step.

More on How to Apologize

Featured photo credit: Gus Moretta via unsplash.com

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