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10 Questions to Help You Determine When to End a Long-Term Relationship

10 Questions to Help You Determine When to End a Long-Term Relationship

Have you ever been in a state of ambivalence in your relationship where you are not sure whether the two of you fit together or not? Perhaps you continually ask yourself whether you should leave and look for something better and truly fulfilling, or stay committed to the relationship and accept that what you have is good enough.

I have and let me tell you, IT SUCKS!

Ambivalence is that gray area where you are not in the relationship, but you don’t leave it either. It deprives you from joy, intimacy, freedom, hope, and ultimate happiness. A lot of us fall into this deadly trap because of low levels of self-awareness and not knowing how to choose our own happiness, thinking that our happiness depends on outside people and circumstances rather than ourselves.

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How do you increase your level of self-awareness? It’s simple: ask questions.

Relationships are one of the most complex aspects of our lives. They act as doorways to people and experiences that can elevate you to new heights, or drag you down into the mud.

Here are 10 questions that can give you a clear direction of whether to end a relationship or stay committed to it.

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1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave?

If religion is the only reason you are still together, then the relationship is already dead, and it’s time to leave. There’s no point in staying if your heart is not in it.

2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty?

If getting your individual needs met takes too much effort, then the relationship is doing more harm than good. It’s time to break up.

3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you?

I know it sounds very basic, but I have seen people who cannot stand each other commit to a relationship that has no future. If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.

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4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner?

Most people say that only personality matters, not what’s on the outside. I disagree. Physical intimacy is a need in any relationship. If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.

5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in? Do you find that your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing?

If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then it’s time for a change or you need to leave. Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem.

6. Do you see yourself when you look into your partner’s eyes?

It’s all about compatibility. If you are not compatible, you’re better off with someone else.

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7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals?

No respect = No relationship.

8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about?

Your partners is supposed to enhance your life, not drain it. If you feel like every day is a struggle to keep the relationship, and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. Most likely, you will end up finding someone else who is a resource to you.

9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness?

No relationship is perfect, and there will be moments where you will step on each other’s toes. That is perfectly normal. But when there’s no capacity for forgiveness, and resentment slowly builds up until it replaces love, there’s only one thing left to do: leave.

10. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together?

If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.

Featured photo credit: Bob Lancer via wisie.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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