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10 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

10 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Getting married is a huge decision. Aside from the common wedding planning blunders, you’ll need to think about the more important aspects of your future together. You’ll want to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can find prior to making the choice, so here are a few things to ask before the big day.

1. If we both became jobless, what financial resources would we have?

This question is great, because it shines some light on your partner’s financial attitudes. Jumping into the question on a worse-case-scenario basis immediately emphasizes the importance of financial competency.

Although it’s scary to imagine a world without any income, it’s good to know what sort of plan might be plausible, given your current financial attitudes.

2. If I became a full-time professional, could you manage being a full-time parent?

If this is already your situation, reverse the roles. It’s good to know what your partner’s current views are on the possibility of a role reversal. This can give you insights into your partner’s attitudes about child rearing and professional goals.

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There is no right answer to this question, but its important for both parties to know where the other stands.

3. When was the last time you visited a hospital? Why were you there?

Checking in with the last hospital visit can start a conversation about medical history. It can also provide some insight on the frequency and necessity of visits to the doctor. Rather than ask for all the relevant medical facts, reflecting on recent visits allows for a more natural conversation to occur.

4. When you reach your current goals, can you see yourself developing new dreams?

Being in love with someone who is passionate is great. Setting goals, pursuing dreams and creating new dreams are incredibly important in a successful life. Although nobody can anticipate the details of such a situation, it is important to check in and see if the spark of alternative dreams is still around.

5. What is the craziest sex experience you can imagine yourself participating in?

This question presses the boundaries of your partner’s sexual imagination. It is useful to explore this territory in order to explore how comfortable the two of you are in discussing this very private topic.

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If you can’t discuss sexual needs and desires with your lifelong partner, you are likely to struggle in the long run. Prior to marriage, its good to see how open the two of you are.

6. If you could only have one spiritual need met, what would it be?

It’s valuable to know what your partner’s spiritual needs are. Spirituality need not be satisfied in a church, either. Things as ordinary as playing video games can have spiritual meaning to people.

It’s not always easy to recognize what is more important to one’s spiritual side, so starting a conversation about it is critical prior to marriage.

7. Which of my friends deserves the most respect and why?

Friends are an important part of our lives. This question focuses on our partner’s attitude about our friends and whether any of those relationships can have a foundation of respect. Although we may not always get along with our partner’s friends, it is important to maintain a level of respect.

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If your partner can’t list all of your friends, don’t let it disturb you too much. You are just checking in to see if the friends that your partner can recall are reasonably accepted by him or her.

8. Which of our parents do you think may cause relationship struggles for us in the future?

Parents have a special power over us. It can be complicated if one of the parents doesn’t like your partner. It can be managed, but it is important to be able to discuss it openly with each other.

There is nothing wrong with considering what challenges may lay ahead of you if your families do ultimately combine and clash. If possible, you may use this question to develop potential solutions to those future challenges as well.

9. What is the one thing you have to have in order to feel comfortable in daily life?

This question is designed to help your partner evaluate what things are most critical to their happiness. There are some things each one of us has to have in order to feel okay.

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These are key items which a partner has to learn to respect and work with. If your partner really needs to spend an hour a day reading and that just infuriates you, then you need to clarify that this is something needed by your loved one. It’s important to identify those items in order to facilitate communication.

10. How easy is it for you to move?

Some people see moving as a horrible challenge. Others can see the spark of opportunity within the unknown. Although you may not have any moves in your foreseeable future, it’s good to check in and find out if moving, in the future, is a real possibility or not.

If it’s totally off the table, you will need to check in and see if this is compatible with your own ambitions. As with all of these questions, this is an important one in planning your future with your future spouse and going deeper than choosing a church and party hall.

Featured photo credit: NGD Photoworks via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 15, 2019

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Step right up, don’t be shy!

Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

Culturally Conditioned

We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

1. Broadens Your Network

After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

2. Improves Your Communication Skills

I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

3. Continually Learning

So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

4. Increases Self Confidence

Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

How to Talk to Strangers

Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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1. Say Hello

Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

2. Ask About Them

Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

3. Just Do It

One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

4. Don’t Take It Personal

One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

6. Detach

A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

7. Share Your Stories

Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

8. Give a Compliment

Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

9. Relax Your Body Language

If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice

Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

The Bottom Line

As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Reference

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