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10 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

10 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Getting married is a huge decision. Aside from the common wedding planning blunders, you’ll need to think about the more important aspects of your future together. You’ll want to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can find prior to making the choice, so here are a few things to ask before the big day.

1. If we both became jobless, what financial resources would we have?

This question is great, because it shines some light on your partner’s financial attitudes. Jumping into the question on a worse-case-scenario basis immediately emphasizes the importance of financial competency.

Although it’s scary to imagine a world without any income, it’s good to know what sort of plan might be plausible, given your current financial attitudes.

2. If I became a full-time professional, could you manage being a full-time parent?

If this is already your situation, reverse the roles. It’s good to know what your partner’s current views are on the possibility of a role reversal. This can give you insights into your partner’s attitudes about child rearing and professional goals.

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There is no right answer to this question, but its important for both parties to know where the other stands.

3. When was the last time you visited a hospital? Why were you there?

Checking in with the last hospital visit can start a conversation about medical history. It can also provide some insight on the frequency and necessity of visits to the doctor. Rather than ask for all the relevant medical facts, reflecting on recent visits allows for a more natural conversation to occur.

4. When you reach your current goals, can you see yourself developing new dreams?

Being in love with someone who is passionate is great. Setting goals, pursuing dreams and creating new dreams are incredibly important in a successful life. Although nobody can anticipate the details of such a situation, it is important to check in and see if the spark of alternative dreams is still around.

5. What is the craziest sex experience you can imagine yourself participating in?

This question presses the boundaries of your partner’s sexual imagination. It is useful to explore this territory in order to explore how comfortable the two of you are in discussing this very private topic.

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If you can’t discuss sexual needs and desires with your lifelong partner, you are likely to struggle in the long run. Prior to marriage, its good to see how open the two of you are.

6. If you could only have one spiritual need met, what would it be?

It’s valuable to know what your partner’s spiritual needs are. Spirituality need not be satisfied in a church, either. Things as ordinary as playing video games can have spiritual meaning to people.

It’s not always easy to recognize what is more important to one’s spiritual side, so starting a conversation about it is critical prior to marriage.

7. Which of my friends deserves the most respect and why?

Friends are an important part of our lives. This question focuses on our partner’s attitude about our friends and whether any of those relationships can have a foundation of respect. Although we may not always get along with our partner’s friends, it is important to maintain a level of respect.

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If your partner can’t list all of your friends, don’t let it disturb you too much. You are just checking in to see if the friends that your partner can recall are reasonably accepted by him or her.

8. Which of our parents do you think may cause relationship struggles for us in the future?

Parents have a special power over us. It can be complicated if one of the parents doesn’t like your partner. It can be managed, but it is important to be able to discuss it openly with each other.

There is nothing wrong with considering what challenges may lay ahead of you if your families do ultimately combine and clash. If possible, you may use this question to develop potential solutions to those future challenges as well.

9. What is the one thing you have to have in order to feel comfortable in daily life?

This question is designed to help your partner evaluate what things are most critical to their happiness. There are some things each one of us has to have in order to feel okay.

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These are key items which a partner has to learn to respect and work with. If your partner really needs to spend an hour a day reading and that just infuriates you, then you need to clarify that this is something needed by your loved one. It’s important to identify those items in order to facilitate communication.

10. How easy is it for you to move?

Some people see moving as a horrible challenge. Others can see the spark of opportunity within the unknown. Although you may not have any moves in your foreseeable future, it’s good to check in and find out if moving, in the future, is a real possibility or not.

If it’s totally off the table, you will need to check in and see if this is compatible with your own ambitions. As with all of these questions, this is an important one in planning your future with your future spouse and going deeper than choosing a church and party hall.

Featured photo credit: NGD Photoworks via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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