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10 Powerful Books That Can Teach You How To Deal With Narcissists

10 Powerful Books That Can Teach You How To Deal With Narcissists

Everyone knows a narcissist.  These individuals are self-centered, have little capacity for empathy, are exploitative and manipulative, and feel they deserve a great deal of admiration.  If you work with narcissists, were raised by one (or two!), have them in your family, or are in a relationship with one, there are some wonderful books that I often recommend to my therapy clients to learn how to deal with them.

1. Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DO97OQ2?tag=s7621-20

    This is a wonderful book that anyone involved with a narcissist needs to read.  There are proven techniques for dealing more effectively with narcissists, such as ignoring their show-offy grand gestures and instead, reinforcing them for everyday, kind behaviors.  Excellent read and practical advice, whether the narcissist you know is at home, at work, or anywhere else.

    2. Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb.

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    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00851M798?tag=s7621-20

      This is an in-depth psychological book about the effects of growing up with a narcissist for a parent.  This can impact your self-esteem, identity, and ability to form relationships with others.  This book is wonderful for those who want to deeply explore the ramifications of growing up with a narcissist for a mother or father.

      3. Emotional Vampires by Alan Bernstein.

      https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000QCTO9U?tag=s7621-20

        Although this book is not only about narcissists, they are the main type of “Emotional Vampire” that sucks the energy and joy out of your life.  This book is particularly helpful if you want concrete strategies for identifying and interacting with narcissists in a way that will not leave you feeling exhausted, hopeless, and bad about yourself.

        4. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward.

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        https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060928972?tag=s7621-20;ie=UTF8&qid=1408649510&sr=1-1&keywords=emotional+blackmail

          Again, this is not only about narcissists, but they are a significant percentage of people who engage in emotional blackmail. If you have a relationship in which your needs are never being considered, you always feel like you don’t matter, and when you try and assert yourself, you get quickly shut down, you need to read this book.

          5. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?  Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyn McBride.

          https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001AO0GD6?tag=s7621-20

            This unique book focuses explicitly on daughters of narcissistic mothers, and discusses how being raised by a narcissistic mother can continue to impact women through adulthood.  It is difficult to think of yourself as worthy of love if your mother focused only on herself and her own needs.  Women often have difficulty viewing their own needs as equally important to others’ needs, and this is compounded if you were brought up by a narcissistic mother.  A must read for women with narcissistic moms.

            6. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown.

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            children of the self-absorbed

              If I could only recommend one book to adult children of narcissists, this would be it.  It takes you through what it’s like as a child to be raised by a narcissist, and how this has a lasting and severe impact on your emotional and psychological wellbeing, as well as your ability to interact with others in healthy ways.  This book also helps you think about how to moderate the impact of your upbringing as you move forward as an adult.

              7. The Narcissistic Family: A Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Pressman.

              narcissistic family

                Psychologists often wonder about clients who have the same emotional traumas as people who grew up in alcoholic homes, but whose parents were not alcoholics.  This groundbreaking book shows how being raised by a narcissist is emotionally equivalent to being raised by an alcoholic in many ways.  If you feel that you could never go against the party line in your home, and there was only one way that you were allowed to view things, then you could benefit from reading this excellent text.  It may be life changing.

                8. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward.

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                https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SEH80I?tag=s7621-20

                  This is a classic book that can help adult children deal with parents who are making them feel stressed, guilty, and pushed to their emotional breaking point.  Narcissists are only one of the types of toxic parents described, but the advice is excellent and pragmatic.  If your parent is a narcissist, you will have to set some boundaries in order to live your life in a healthy and adaptive way, and this book helps you figure out exactly what to say and do to create these necessary boundaries.

                  9. Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisted by Sam Vaknin.

                  malignant self-love

                    This book has a cult following.  Sam Vaknin, a self proclaimed narcissist himself, takes us behind the scenes into the mind of a narcissist and gives us an inside glimpse at how a narcissist operates.  This book is fascinating and is a must-read for anyone who wants to learn in depth about the narcissist in their life, including the background of how narcissism develops.

                    10. Why Is It Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss.

                    why is it always about you?

                      This book is a great look at the seven “deadly sins” of narcissism, and shows how and why narcissists became how they are.  There is helpful advice for extricating yourself from a relationship with a narcissist, and also insight as to why you may have been involved with a narcissist in the first place, related to your own personal background.  Easy and quick read.

                      Featured photo credit: Narcissist via histsociety.blogspot.com

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                      Last Updated on August 20, 2018

                      60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life

                      60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life

                      Sometimes it’s easier to focus on what we don’t have, rather than what we do have. It’s important to take time out and remember all of the things to be thankful for that many of us take for granted.

                        Here you’ll find 60 very solid things to be thankful for in your everyday life. These are great reminders for you to treasure everything you have.

                        1. Good Health

                        Even if you’re health isn’t great, it could be worse and you likely still have some working parts to be thankful for.

                        2. Money in the Bank

                        Having just a few coins makes you richer than most people on Earth.

                        3. Good Friends

                        Often, it’s the quality of friendships, not the quantity.

                        4. Freedom of Religion

                        Being able to worship whomever and however you want is something many people don’t ever experience.

                        5. Your Parents

                        Even if they’re dysfunctional, they gave you life.

                        6. Weekends

                        There’s something magical about weekends.

                        7.Having a Partner

                        Being in a romantic relationship can teach you so much about the world and yourself.

                        8. Pets

                        Pets offer one of the best examples of unconditional love.

                        9. Learning from Mistakes

                        If we never made mistakes, we wouldn’t learn much so it is one of those things we should be thankful for.

                        10. Opportunity to Get an Education

                        The opportunity to attend school is something many people don’t have.

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                        11. Having a Home

                        Whether you live in an apartment, a mansion, or a tent, having a place to call home is something to be thankful for.

                        12. An Ability to Read

                        If you’re reading this right now, you have a lot to be thankful for.

                        13. Breathing Fresh Air

                        Being able to step outside to breathe in fresh air is a good reminder how many little things we should be thankful for.

                        14. A Bed to Sleep

                        A bed is one of those things that’s easy to take for granted, until you don’t have one.

                        15. Laughter

                        Without laughter, the world would be a sad place.

                        16. Safety and Security

                        Being able to wake up without immense fear frees us up to really live life.

                        17. Cars

                        Without cars, it would take a lot longer to get our activities done.

                        18. Sunshine

                        The sun’s warmth can brighten any day.

                        19. Time

                        Although we often don’t think there’s enough of it, time is something we shouldn’t take for granted.

                        20. Clean Water

                        Many people on earth lack access to clean water.

                        21. Cell Phones

                        Cell phones make talking to loved ones easy.

                        22. Love

                        The world sure would be a different place if we lacked the ability to love.

                        23. Books

                        Books provide an opportunity to enter another world all from the comfort of your own home.

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                        24. Kindness of Strangers

                        Never take the kindness of a stranger for granted.

                        25. Campfires

                        The simplicity of a campfire creates lifelong memories.

                        26. Pain

                        Without pain, it would be difficulty to appreciate life’s joys.

                        27. Art

                        The world would be less beautiful if art didn’t exist.

                        28. Holidays

                        Any reason to celebrate is something we should be thankful for.

                        29. Freedom of Speech

                        Being able to express your thoughts and feelings freely should never be taken for granted.

                        30. Rainbows

                        The beauty of a rainbow is unmatched.

                        31. Tears

                        Sometimes when there are no words to say, tears express how we feel for us.

                        32. Waking up Today

                        Simply waking up today means you have things to be thankful for.

                        33. Indoor Plumbing

                        Indoor plumbing not only provides convenience, it spares us from disease.

                        34. Wisdom that Comes with Age

                        Thankfully, we grow smarter over time.

                        35. Mountains

                        Mountains provide us with beauty and recreation.

                        36. Eyesight

                        Being able to see allows us to view the world’s beauty.

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                        37. Grocery Stores

                        Grocery stores mean we don’t have to spend all of our time getting our own food.

                        38. Sunsets

                        Sunsets are a reminder that we should enjoy the simple things in life.

                        39. Entertainment

                        Entertainment gives us a way to relax and enjoy life.

                        40. Your Mind

                        Being able to think, remember, and solve problems sure makes life easier.

                        41. Employment

                        Even if you don’t like your job, being employed means someone thought you were special enough to hire.

                        42. Diversity

                        The world would be a boring place without diversity.

                        43. Moon and Stars

                        The moon and stars encourage us to dream.

                        44. Electricity

                        Electricity makes most of our chores efficient.

                        45. Air Conditioning

                        Staying cool on a hot day is something people wouldn’t have dreamed about in past centuries.

                        46. Hearing

                        Being able to hear your loved one’s voice is something that not everyone gets to do.

                        47. Children

                        Watching children laugh, grow, and dream can keep things in perspective.

                        48. Ability to Learn

                        The ability to learn new things means we have endless potential.

                        49. People Willing to Teach

                        Whether it’s your grandmother teaching you to knit or your plumber showing you how to prevent future problems, be grateful that others are willing to use their time and talents to teach you something new.

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                        50. Oceans

                        The sea creatures in the ocean almost seem too mystical to be real.

                        51. Modern Medicine

                        Without advances in modern medicine, many of us wouldn’t be alive.

                        52. Music

                        Music brings out new emotions.

                        53. Entrepreneurs

                        Some of life’s best inventions resulted from an entrepreneur who was willing to take a risk.

                        54. Warm Clothing

                        On a cold day, there’s nothing more important than warm clothing.

                        55. Freedom to Vote

                        Being able to have a say in the laws should never be taken for granted.

                        56. An Internet Connection

                        It’s hard to believe how easy it is to take the internet for granted, seeing how none of us had just a couple of decades ago.

                        57. Challenges

                        Without challenges in life, we wouldn’t be the people we are now.

                        58. Hiking Trails

                        Hiking trails give us the chance to enjoy mother’s nature beauty.

                        59. Vaccines

                        Many of us wouldn’t be alive without today’s vaccinations.

                        60. Armed Forces

                        Our lives would likely be very different if we didn’t have protection from the armed forces.

                        Realizing all the things you should be thankful for is the first step, practicing gratitude is what you should start doing:

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                        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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