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10 Powerful Books That Can Teach You How To Deal With Narcissists

10 Powerful Books That Can Teach You How To Deal With Narcissists

Everyone knows a narcissist.  These individuals are self-centered, have little capacity for empathy, are exploitative and manipulative, and feel they deserve a great deal of admiration.  If you work with narcissists, were raised by one (or two!), have them in your family, or are in a relationship with one, there are some wonderful books that I often recommend to my therapy clients to learn how to deal with them.

1. Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DO97OQ2?tag=s7621-20

    This is a wonderful book that anyone involved with a narcissist needs to read.  There are proven techniques for dealing more effectively with narcissists, such as ignoring their show-offy grand gestures and instead, reinforcing them for everyday, kind behaviors.  Excellent read and practical advice, whether the narcissist you know is at home, at work, or anywhere else.

    2. Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb.

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    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00851M798?tag=s7621-20

      This is an in-depth psychological book about the effects of growing up with a narcissist for a parent.  This can impact your self-esteem, identity, and ability to form relationships with others.  This book is wonderful for those who want to deeply explore the ramifications of growing up with a narcissist for a mother or father.

      3. Emotional Vampires by Alan Bernstein.

      https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000QCTO9U?tag=s7621-20

        Although this book is not only about narcissists, they are the main type of “Emotional Vampire” that sucks the energy and joy out of your life.  This book is particularly helpful if you want concrete strategies for identifying and interacting with narcissists in a way that will not leave you feeling exhausted, hopeless, and bad about yourself.

        4. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward.

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        https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060928972?tag=s7621-20;ie=UTF8&qid=1408649510&sr=1-1&keywords=emotional+blackmail

          Again, this is not only about narcissists, but they are a significant percentage of people who engage in emotional blackmail. If you have a relationship in which your needs are never being considered, you always feel like you don’t matter, and when you try and assert yourself, you get quickly shut down, you need to read this book.

          5. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?  Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyn McBride.

          https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001AO0GD6?tag=s7621-20

            This unique book focuses explicitly on daughters of narcissistic mothers, and discusses how being raised by a narcissistic mother can continue to impact women through adulthood.  It is difficult to think of yourself as worthy of love if your mother focused only on herself and her own needs.  Women often have difficulty viewing their own needs as equally important to others’ needs, and this is compounded if you were brought up by a narcissistic mother.  A must read for women with narcissistic moms.

            6. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown.

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            children of the self-absorbed

              If I could only recommend one book to adult children of narcissists, this would be it.  It takes you through what it’s like as a child to be raised by a narcissist, and how this has a lasting and severe impact on your emotional and psychological wellbeing, as well as your ability to interact with others in healthy ways.  This book also helps you think about how to moderate the impact of your upbringing as you move forward as an adult.

              7. The Narcissistic Family: A Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Pressman.

              narcissistic family

                Psychologists often wonder about clients who have the same emotional traumas as people who grew up in alcoholic homes, but whose parents were not alcoholics.  This groundbreaking book shows how being raised by a narcissist is emotionally equivalent to being raised by an alcoholic in many ways.  If you feel that you could never go against the party line in your home, and there was only one way that you were allowed to view things, then you could benefit from reading this excellent text.  It may be life changing.

                8. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward.

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                https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SEH80I?tag=s7621-20

                  This is a classic book that can help adult children deal with parents who are making them feel stressed, guilty, and pushed to their emotional breaking point.  Narcissists are only one of the types of toxic parents described, but the advice is excellent and pragmatic.  If your parent is a narcissist, you will have to set some boundaries in order to live your life in a healthy and adaptive way, and this book helps you figure out exactly what to say and do to create these necessary boundaries.

                  9. Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisted by Sam Vaknin.

                  malignant self-love

                    This book has a cult following.  Sam Vaknin, a self proclaimed narcissist himself, takes us behind the scenes into the mind of a narcissist and gives us an inside glimpse at how a narcissist operates.  This book is fascinating and is a must-read for anyone who wants to learn in depth about the narcissist in their life, including the background of how narcissism develops.

                    10. Why Is It Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss.

                    why is it always about you?

                      This book is a great look at the seven “deadly sins” of narcissism, and shows how and why narcissists became how they are.  There is helpful advice for extricating yourself from a relationship with a narcissist, and also insight as to why you may have been involved with a narcissist in the first place, related to your own personal background.  Easy and quick read.

                      Featured photo credit: Narcissist via histsociety.blogspot.com

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                      Last Updated on October 18, 2018

                      50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

                      50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Prepare You For Any Challenges In Life

                      Life is filled with highs and lows —happiness and struggles that will test your resilience and integrity, push you to overcome challenges and leave you with lessons that will make you even stronger on your way up.

                      It’s the way you feel and think about yourself, including your expectations and beliefs about what is possible to you, greatly determines everything that happens to you.

                      It all starts with your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you transform the quality of your life. (Right, Nancy’s story is a typical example!)

                      Below is a list of the best motivational quotes to inspire you to start your day with a blast:

                      Quotes for self-assurance

                      1. Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality, upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.

                        2. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

                          3. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

                            4. The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others

                              5. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great, then be great.

                                6. It’s not who you are that holds you behind, it’s who you think your are not.

                                  Quotes about positivity

                                  7. Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.

                                    8. You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it is experience.

                                      9. Falling down is an accident, staying down is a choice.

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                                        10. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.

                                          11. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

                                            12. Don’t be afraid to give up the good and go for great.

                                              13. Remember that life’s greatest lessons are usually learned from worst times and from the worst mistakes.

                                                Quotes for work and success

                                                14. Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove.

                                                  15. Never stop doing great just because someone doesn’t give you credit.

                                                    16. Discipline is doing what needs to be done, even if you don’t want to.

                                                      17. Work while they sleep. Learn while they party. Save while they spend. Live like they dream.

                                                        18. The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.

                                                          19. Never apologize for having high standards, people who really want to be in your life will rise to meet them.

                                                            20. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

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                                                              21. Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it, time will pass anyway.

                                                                22. Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.

                                                                  23. A hill is just another opportunity to leave your competition behind.

                                                                    24. Don’t quit. You’re already in pain. You’re already hurt. Get a reward from it.

                                                                      25. Hustle until you no longer need to introduce yourself.

                                                                        26. You didn’t come this far only to come this far.

                                                                          27. Be selective in your battles for sometimes peace is better than being right.

                                                                            28 If we keep doing what we are doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting.

                                                                              29. You will never know your limits until you push yourself to them.

                                                                                30. Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.

                                                                                  31. The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.

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                                                                                    32. If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.

                                                                                      33. If you can’t handle stress, you won’t manage success.

                                                                                        34. Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.

                                                                                          35. Don’t mistake silence for weakness. Smart people don’t plan big moves out loud.

                                                                                            36. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

                                                                                              37. Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe dedicated.

                                                                                                38. You become who you spend your time with.

                                                                                                  39. Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.

                                                                                                    40. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

                                                                                                      41. If you don’t build your dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs.

                                                                                                        42. Between stimulus and response is our greatest power –the freedom to choose.

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                                                                                                          43. What comes easy won’t last, what lasts won’t come easy.

                                                                                                            44. Don’t limit your challenges, challenge your limits.

                                                                                                              45. Work until your idols become your rivals.

                                                                                                                Quotes about money

                                                                                                                46. Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune.

                                                                                                                  47. I create new enemies every day, it’s called business.

                                                                                                                    48. When you have a Million Dollar vision, don’t surround yourself with 1 cent minds.

                                                                                                                      49. You can’t get rich thinking poor.

                                                                                                                        50. Doing what is comfortable is rarely profitable.

                                                                                                                          51. If you can count your money, work harder.

                                                                                                                            If you find yourself feeling lost and frustrated, it’s never too late to change things up. Check out this guide:

                                                                                                                            How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

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