“Parents are teachers, guides, leaders, protectors, and providers for their children.” – Iyanla Vanzant
Parenting starts from the moment your test result comes back positive. After the delivery, it becomes a full time job for both parents. Whether you are the parents of one child, or multiple, it is always a frantic business, but of course enjoyable too! You just have to know the right time to do the right thing. Otherwise, you are in a tight spot.
Look, I am not trying to alarm you. I am a mom of a toddler and a baby so I know that sometimes you need guidance to show whether you are raising your kids the right way, or whether you are doing the right thing. It does not matter if you are experiencing parenthood for the first time or you have been parenting for a long time, it is always beneficial to learn a thing or two. It is said that a worried mother does a better research than the FBI. Here is a list of 10 parenting books I think are important for you and your partner.
This is a perfect book for the new generation of expectant moms. This book contains relevant informations on everything and includes answers to bundles of questions, detailed week-by-week fetal development in each of the monthly chapters, and sections on pre-conception and on carrying multiples. The fourth edition deals with the most recent developments in obstetrics, addresses current lifestyles, and is overflowing with tips, helpful hints, and humor.Advertising
Dr. Harvey Karp discloses an incredible treasure, sought after by almost all parents: how to automatically “switch-off” your baby’s crying. This star doctor has not only successfully influenced pediatricians and working mothers, but also made superstars like Madonna and Pierce Brosnan, turn to him for help. This book will make both the parents and the babies happy since, according to Dr. Karp, calming babies now is as easy as turning off the lights!
Daniel J. Siegel, neuropsychiatric, and Tina Payne Bryson, parenting expert, teamed up to produce a constructive book that offers a state-of-the-art viewpoint to child educating, with 12 key strategies that contribute to healthy brain development leading to calmer, happier children. According to the authors, this book talks about the new science that shows how a child’s brain is wired, and how it matures. This will definitely aid you to the path of nurturing your child to a healthy, emotional, and intellectual development so that your child can lead a proper, balanced, and an equate life.
This book literally talks about all the points covering common problems, and building a foundation for lasting relationships in very innovating ways. The book covers coping with your child’s negative feelings, expressing your strong emotions with hurting your child, punishments, self-discipline, and resolving internal conflicts. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish did a brilliant job in making relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more fruitful. According to The Boston Globe, this is the ultimate “parenting bible”. This is a book every parent should have.
Every parent should read this before admitting their child to pre-school. More or less, parents seem to fret over the fact how much children should learn. The research, done by three highly talented child psychologists, shows the difference in how play plays a vital role in developing children in maths, reading, verbal communication, science, self-awareness, and social skills. And it is not through academics! This is a very captivating book.
It is accepted that siblings fighting with each other is just a way of life. In a way it’s referred to as sibling love. Well, I can already see my kids fight with each other every single day. Dr. Laura Markham has hands-on, research-based solutions for us, the parents. In this highly anticipated guide, she talks about the methods of cutting through the fights, bridging love for the siblings, and most importantly, how parents should maintain harmony, and a strong connection when siblings are going through disputes. The presentation is simple, yet powerful, and gives equal importance to each child. A significant book for the parents who are having trouble controlling rowdy kids all the time!
7. Design Mom
This is a handy book for all the moms out there who are struggling to keep the house sane from the stream of toys and clothes and what not! The author provides a detailed analysis of how to utilise the smallest of the spaces in your house, how to have a child-friendly environment, and how to design and decor your house with taste so that it tells your family’s story. This book is a room-by-room guide to keeping things organized, creative, and stylish.
A girl’s growing up depends a lot on the role her father plays. The author emphasises how a young woman’s relationship with her father is far more important than you can ever imagine. It talks about the beautiful bond fathers and daughters share, the life lessons a teen should learn from her father, which includes, self-respect, drugs, sex, and alcohol, and the importance of becoming a hero to the daughter, amongst other points. To become a strong, confident woman, she needs her father’s constant support, attention, courage, protection, and wisdom. This is the ideal book to give a helpful roadmap for concerned fathers.
Just like a father’s role can mold his daughter’s upbringing, a mother plays a vital role in bringing up her son. A mother needs to be strong enough to strengthen her relationship with her son. With the amount of challenges a young man faces nowadays, the burden falls on the mother to properly guide her son through them–which can feel overwhelming. A mother must be courageous, bold, and confident in guiding her son. One of the most crucial roles for a mother is to be someone to whom the son can look up to. This helps him gain respect for all of the women in his life. This book provides encouraging, educating, and practical advise for the mothers in building up their sons with self-esteem, support, and wisdom. This book is perfect for all the mothers who have a growing son at home.Advertising
The teen years are the most sensitive period of a girl’s life. This is where a mother can come and guide her through this transition.This book is divided into two parts. In the first part, the mothers are advised on how they should stop the cycle of separation and anxiety that bothers so many, and how to nurture the skills of listening, boundary setting, mirroring, containing, and more. The next part addresses the teens. It advises how they should keep it real with their mothers, while trusting them, and also finding strength in their intuition, friendships, and dreams. This book is packed with practical informations on this kind of relationship, a perfect fit for both mothers and daughters.
Parenting books are like the holy books: you read them and you follow them. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “There is no school equal to a decent home, and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent”. Be that virtuous parent, educate yourself, educate your children. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be the real one.
Last Updated on July 15, 2020
How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life
“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson
It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?
A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.
When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.
You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.
Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.
Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.
You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.
Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.
1. Recognize the Red Flags
Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.
Red flags can include:
- They always put themselves first.
- They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
- You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
- What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
- They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
- You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
- You are the villain; they are the victim.
- Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
- They may engage in abuse.
2. Set Boundaries
There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.
You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.
There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.
You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.
3. Invest in Yourself
You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.
This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.
Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.
It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.
4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible
There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.
If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.
If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.
If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.
Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.
Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.
If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.
If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.
Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.
If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it.
More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People
- 15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People
- This Is How Successful People Deal With Toxic People
- 10 Types of Toxic People You Should Be Careful Of
Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com
|||^||Psych Central: What’s a Toxic Person & How Do You Deal With One?|
|||^||Positive Psychology: How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets|
|||^||Psychology Today: Forgiveness|