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Last Updated on February 27, 2018

Should We All Aspire To Be Serial Daters?

Should We All Aspire To Be Serial Daters?

The traditional dating scene has changed a lot over the last decade. Gone are the days when most people would meet someone at school, university or a friend’s party, fall in love and start their journey together.

For today’s single’s, finding true love seems a lot further from reach and with all the dating apps available like Tinder and Bumble, it makes meeting people on a more casual basis much easier and accepted.

So what does this mean for the love life of a modern 21st century working millennial? The answer for many is serial dating; the ease of choosing many people with a simple swipe means you can go on multiple dates with multiple people if you choose to.

But what’s it really like being a serial dater? We’ve got the answers for you…

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Lifehack: Why are you a serial dater?

“A huge reason why I was serial dating, or jumping from relationship to relationship, was because I was trying to find someone who could finally make me feel okay in my own skin. I wanted a human to cure the constant ache in my chest. No matter how much I thought the next person was going to fix me, they never did. Even when I found someone who loved me to pieces, they couldn’t take away that ache. I learned that I was expecting way too much from a person. Instead, I found my way to a few spiritual practices that could actually help the ache.”

“I genuinely do it for fun and meeting different people. Yes, there may be a slight fear of commitment but I also believe in good timing when the right person comes along. I figure I may as well have fun along the way.”

“There is no moment that we appreciate more than the present one. Right now is the best time to be happy, to be doing what you want to do than waiting for something to happen the next day, or the day after that to give us joy and satisfaction. We don’t start dating with the goal of making it work throughout our lives, which takes the pressure off and lets us be more spontaneous and fun and occasionally, even a bit reckless.”

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Lifehack: What have you learnt from being a serial dater?

“We all have tapes playing in our heads, most of them from childhood. My tapes were mean and incredibly sneaky. They whispered to me that I was unlovable, unworthy, and incapable of having healthy relationships. Of course these beliefs destroyed any chance at a nice relationship. I had to learn to recognise and challenge them over the years if I wanted to have any semblance of a healthy relationship.”

Lifehack: What are the worst experiences you’ve had?

“I was once on a date at a fancy restaurant with a terribly interesting guy, when the waitress came to our table and begrudgingly passed him a piece of paper. The hand-written note was from a much younger, blonder girl a few tables down, and it said: “Ditch her and meet me for a drink.” He was a gentleman and discarded the note, but let’s just say my confidence had been rattled. I told you it’s brutal out there.”

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Lifehack: What are the downsides to being a serial dater?

“Because I was so amped by chemistry with someone, I didn’t slow down enough to check and see if we were actually compatible. I would formulate a story in my mind about who the person was. I wanted the delusion I created to be the world we lived in, but creating fantasies bit me in the butt. I inevitably grew disappointed in partners when they didn’t meet my crazy expectations and I left.”

Lifehack: People assume serial daters are non-committal and avoiding love. Is this really true?

“No matter how unbelievable this sounds after everything you’ve just read, please know that serial daters believe in love too. We’ve just got a broader definition for it and for us, realism is just as important as faith in love. In fact, its because we believe in love that we want to let go of our partners before we make a mistake or lie to ourselves and end up just messing their lives in the process of trying to be who we are not. Love exists for us too, we just take longer than other people to commit for the sake of that love.”

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What is your motive?

It seems serial dating has it’s pros and cons. While it’s fun to get onto Tinder or Bumble and meet potential romantic interests, going on endless dates can be a underlying cause of fear or loneliness. If you’re single, make sure you check the energy behind your dating life and either enjoy going on many dates or have a rest and re-evaluate your motives.

Featured photo credit: Creative Commons via pixabay.com

More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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