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Last Updated on February 27, 2018

Should We All Aspire To Be Serial Daters?

Should We All Aspire To Be Serial Daters?

The traditional dating scene has changed a lot over the last decade. Gone are the days when most people would meet someone at school, university or a friend’s party, fall in love and start their journey together.

For today’s single’s, finding true love seems a lot further from reach and with all the dating apps available like Tinder and Bumble, it makes meeting people on a more casual basis much easier and accepted.

So what does this mean for the love life of a modern 21st century working millennial? The answer for many is serial dating; the ease of choosing many people with a simple swipe means you can go on multiple dates with multiple people if you choose to.

But what’s it really like being a serial dater? We’ve got the answers for you…

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Lifehack: Why are you a serial dater?

“A huge reason why I was serial dating, or jumping from relationship to relationship, was because I was trying to find someone who could finally make me feel okay in my own skin. I wanted a human to cure the constant ache in my chest. No matter how much I thought the next person was going to fix me, they never did. Even when I found someone who loved me to pieces, they couldn’t take away that ache. I learned that I was expecting way too much from a person. Instead, I found my way to a few spiritual practices that could actually help the ache.”

“I genuinely do it for fun and meeting different people. Yes, there may be a slight fear of commitment but I also believe in good timing when the right person comes along. I figure I may as well have fun along the way.”

“There is no moment that we appreciate more than the present one. Right now is the best time to be happy, to be doing what you want to do than waiting for something to happen the next day, or the day after that to give us joy and satisfaction. We don’t start dating with the goal of making it work throughout our lives, which takes the pressure off and lets us be more spontaneous and fun and occasionally, even a bit reckless.”

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Lifehack: What have you learnt from being a serial dater?

“We all have tapes playing in our heads, most of them from childhood. My tapes were mean and incredibly sneaky. They whispered to me that I was unlovable, unworthy, and incapable of having healthy relationships. Of course these beliefs destroyed any chance at a nice relationship. I had to learn to recognise and challenge them over the years if I wanted to have any semblance of a healthy relationship.”

Lifehack: What are the worst experiences you’ve had?

“I was once on a date at a fancy restaurant with a terribly interesting guy, when the waitress came to our table and begrudgingly passed him a piece of paper. The hand-written note was from a much younger, blonder girl a few tables down, and it said: “Ditch her and meet me for a drink.” He was a gentleman and discarded the note, but let’s just say my confidence had been rattled. I told you it’s brutal out there.”

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Lifehack: What are the downsides to being a serial dater?

“Because I was so amped by chemistry with someone, I didn’t slow down enough to check and see if we were actually compatible. I would formulate a story in my mind about who the person was. I wanted the delusion I created to be the world we lived in, but creating fantasies bit me in the butt. I inevitably grew disappointed in partners when they didn’t meet my crazy expectations and I left.”

Lifehack: People assume serial daters are non-committal and avoiding love. Is this really true?

“No matter how unbelievable this sounds after everything you’ve just read, please know that serial daters believe in love too. We’ve just got a broader definition for it and for us, realism is just as important as faith in love. In fact, its because we believe in love that we want to let go of our partners before we make a mistake or lie to ourselves and end up just messing their lives in the process of trying to be who we are not. Love exists for us too, we just take longer than other people to commit for the sake of that love.”

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What is your motive?

It seems serial dating has it’s pros and cons. While it’s fun to get onto Tinder or Bumble and meet potential romantic interests, going on endless dates can be a underlying cause of fear or loneliness. If you’re single, make sure you check the energy behind your dating life and either enjoy going on many dates or have a rest and re-evaluate your motives.

Featured photo credit: Creative Commons via pixabay.com

More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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