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What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness?

What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness?

A relationship between compatible people can undoubtedly be a source of great and lasting happiness for both partners. Usually a lonely place in which friends and even lovers are consistently lost and replaced, life is made better by a stable, healthy relationship.

However, that rarely happens.

Even marriages, supposedly stable relationships by definition, are being wrecked by high levels of divorce.[1] According to the CDC, if 6.9 people out of 1000 got married in the 2000-2014 period, 3.2 filed for divorce. Almost half of the people who vowed eternal love and support for one another could not bring themselves to stay together.

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The modern dating environment has encouraged more serial daters.

As a result, speed and online dating have reached record levels of popularity, with online and mobile sites and applications making meeting people easier than ever. With such a great “offer” and a corresponding “demand”, the modern dating environment has spawned its ultimate user and beneficiary – the serial dater.

The serial dater is a very recent breed. Natural expert of the dating sites and applications such as Tinder or PlentyofFish, the speed dater will come home from a date and login into their account without a second thought. This is not because he is looking for true love, but because of deeper psychological motivations.

In actuality, speed daters are not superficial or even morally loose individuals. They make a conscious bid on bachelor life and all its benefits while keeping a foot in the door of romantic engagement. It is their way of trying to keep best of both worlds. If successful for them, this way of living leaves a trail of heartbroken and disappointed lovers behind ever serial dater.

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“The greatest downfall of a serial dater is his or her ongoing anxiety about commitment. Quite often, serial daters are jaded and don’t have confidence in everlasting love, so they fill their time with momentary men or women who will fill the void of a long-term relationship”.

Humanity’s understanding of love, supposedly a pure and natural feeling, has changed throughout time. However, it is the modern world and its pervasive high-speed nature that has penetrated even the innermost corners of ourselves, changing our romantic expectations and wants. Serial daters may think they have cracked the code and beat the system, but that only leaves the rest of us struggling to make do and hoping to not get hurt too badly.

There are actually two types of serial daters.

The first type of serial dater is the Pragmatic.

He or she knows that the excitement of a new relationship makes you feel empowered and on top of the world.[2] As a result, they are constantly looking for that feeling in every new and short-lived relationship while maintaining their overall preference for single life. The Pragmatic has all but given up true love, being satisfied by these extreme but fleeting moments of joy.

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The second type of serial dater is the Semi-Romantic.

People who fit in this category truly believe in the existence of true love and soul mates and do not see anything wrong with engaging in the dating game. Instead, they view the modern dating market as an opportunity to “play the numbers”. The more people they meet and date, the better changes they have of meeting The One.

A serial dater avoids any serious connections at all costs.

The serial dater is a social being by excellence. The center of the group or party, he or she will make an immediate impression on the opposite gender. As a result, the serial dater will always have at all times at least one person with whom to flirt.

If you are that person, a tell-tale sign is the fact that you are not included in his or her life. You may see each other for a few hours every couple of days, time in which you will feel as the center of the world, but the fact is that you aren’t allowed deeper access into their lives.

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Serial daters strictly avoid getting to know you or you getting to know them. This way they can stay emotionally disconnected from their timely partners and can quickly switch from one lover to another. Serious talks about your relationship are also something to avoid at all costs for speed daters. Instead, once out of the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship, they value social approval, sex or material gains more than feelings.

If you realize that you’re dating a serial dater, please walk away from them.

Once you realize that you have picked out a serial dater out of the perpetually overcrowded dating market, the most obvious action would be to gradually distance yourself from him or her.

Serial daters can go to great lengths just for a new romantic conquest but once the battle is fought and castle conquered, their interest quickly fades away. However, strong relationships are defined by constant strains from both partners toward making it work. If your partner shows no sign of such a behavior, he or she might not be the one.

If you meet and recognize a speed dater, resist the impulse to engage with him or her. Nod and laugh but move on. Just as life is too short for serial daters to commit to a potentially disappointing sincere relationship, it can also be too short for others to share in their seemingly fickle romantic life.

Reference

[1] National Centre for Health Statistics: National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends
[2] Lifehack: 10 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Exciting And Fresh

More by this author

Saminu Abass

Content Writer and Blogger

Don’t Let Social Media Control Your Body and Mind. It’s Killing Your Productivity. To Live a Much More Fulfilling Life, Aim at Self Actualization What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness? Will Your Own Business Be a Huge Success? These 8 Predictors Can Tell the Answer Don’t Be Fooled by Social Media. Most People Feel Lonely Too.

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Last Updated on March 17, 2020

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Are you bored at work right now?

Sitting at your desk, wishing you could be anywhere other than here, doing anything else…?

You’re not alone.

Even when you have a job you love, it’s easy to get bored. And if your job isn’t something you’re passionate about, it’s even easier for boredom to creep in.

Did you know it’s actually possible to make any job more interesting?

That’s right.

Whether it’s data entry or shelf stacking, even the most mind-numbing of jobs can be made more fun.

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Understanding the science behind boredom is the first step to beating it.

Read on to learn the truth about boredom, and what you can do to stop feeling bored at work for good.

VIDEO SUMMARY

I’m bored – as you’re watching the same film over and over again, even though it’s your favorite one

When you experience something new, your brain releases opioids – chemicals which make you feel good. [1]

It’s the feeling you might get when you taste a new food for the first time, watch a cool new film, or meet a new person.

However, the next time you have the same experience, the brain processes it in a different way, without releasing so many feel-good chemicals.

That’s why you won’t get the same thrill when you eat that delicious meal for the tenth time, rewatch that film again, or spend time with the same friend.

So, in a nutshell, we get bored when we aren’t having any new experiences.

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Now, new experiences don’t have to be huge life changes – they could be as simple as taking a different route to work, or picking a different sandwich shop for lunch.

We’re going to apply this theory to your boring job.

Keep reading find out how to make subtle changes to the way you work to defeat boredom and have more fun.

Your work can be much more interesting if you learn these little tricks.

Ready to learn how to stop feeling so bored at work?

We’ve listed some simple suggestions below – you can start implementing these right now.

Let’s do this.

Make routine tasks more interesting by adding something new

Sometimes one new element is all it takes to turn routine tasks from dull to interesting.

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Maybe there’s a long drive you have to make every single week. You get so bored, going the same old route to make the same old deliveries.

Why not make it a routine to create a playlist of new music each Sunday, to listen to on your boring drive during the week?

Just like that, something you dread can be turned into the highlight of your day.

For other routine tasks, you could try setting a timer and trying to beat your record, moving to a new location to complete the task, or trying out a new technique for getting the work done – you might even improve your productivity, too.

Combine repetitive tasks to get them out of the way

Certain tasks are difficult to make interesting, no matter how hard you try.

Get these yawn-inducing chores out of the way ASAP by combining them into one quick, focused batch.

For example, if you hate listening to meeting recordings, and dislike tidying your desk, do them both at the same time. You’ll halve the time you spend bored out of your mind, and can move onto more interesting tasks as soon as you’re done.

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Break large tasks into small pieces and plan breaks between them

Feeling overwhelmed can lead you to procrastinate and get bored. Try breaking up large tasks into lots of small pieces to keep things manageable and fun.

Try breaking up a 10,000 word report into 1000-word sections. Reward yourself at the end of each section, and you’ll get 10 mini mood boosts, instead of just one at the end.

You can also plan short breaks between each section, which will help to prevent boredom and keep you focused.

Give yourself regular rewards, it can be anything that makes you feel good

Make sure you reward yourself for achievements, even if they feel small.

Rewards could include:

  • Eating your favourite snack.
  • Taking a walk in a natural area.
  • Spending a few minutes on a fun online game.
  • Buying yourself a small treat.
  • Visiting a new place.
  • Spending time on a favourite hobby.

Your brain will come to associate work with fun rewards, and you’ll soon feel less bored and more motivated.

Boredom doesn’t have to be a fact of life.

Make your working life feel a thousand times more fun by following the simple tips above.

Reference

[1] Psychology Today: Why People Get Bored

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