Advertising
Advertising

What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness?

What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness?

A relationship between compatible people can undoubtedly be a source of great and lasting happiness for both partners. Usually a lonely place in which friends and even lovers are consistently lost and replaced, life is made better by a stable, healthy relationship.

However, that rarely happens.

Even marriages, supposedly stable relationships by definition, are being wrecked by high levels of divorce.[1] According to the CDC, if 6.9 people out of 1000 got married in the 2000-2014 period, 3.2 filed for divorce. Almost half of the people who vowed eternal love and support for one another could not bring themselves to stay together.

Advertising

The modern dating environment has encouraged more serial daters.

As a result, speed and online dating have reached record levels of popularity, with online and mobile sites and applications making meeting people easier than ever. With such a great “offer” and a corresponding “demand”, the modern dating environment has spawned its ultimate user and beneficiary – the serial dater.

The serial dater is a very recent breed. Natural expert of the dating sites and applications such as Tinder or PlentyofFish, the speed dater will come home from a date and login into their account without a second thought. This is not because he is looking for true love, but because of deeper psychological motivations.

In actuality, speed daters are not superficial or even morally loose individuals. They make a conscious bid on bachelor life and all its benefits while keeping a foot in the door of romantic engagement. It is their way of trying to keep best of both worlds. If successful for them, this way of living leaves a trail of heartbroken and disappointed lovers behind ever serial dater.

Advertising

“The greatest downfall of a serial dater is his or her ongoing anxiety about commitment. Quite often, serial daters are jaded and don’t have confidence in everlasting love, so they fill their time with momentary men or women who will fill the void of a long-term relationship”.

Humanity’s understanding of love, supposedly a pure and natural feeling, has changed throughout time. However, it is the modern world and its pervasive high-speed nature that has penetrated even the innermost corners of ourselves, changing our romantic expectations and wants. Serial daters may think they have cracked the code and beat the system, but that only leaves the rest of us struggling to make do and hoping to not get hurt too badly.

There are actually two types of serial daters.

The first type of serial dater is the Pragmatic.

He or she knows that the excitement of a new relationship makes you feel empowered and on top of the world.[2] As a result, they are constantly looking for that feeling in every new and short-lived relationship while maintaining their overall preference for single life. The Pragmatic has all but given up true love, being satisfied by these extreme but fleeting moments of joy.

Advertising

The second type of serial dater is the Semi-Romantic.

People who fit in this category truly believe in the existence of true love and soul mates and do not see anything wrong with engaging in the dating game. Instead, they view the modern dating market as an opportunity to “play the numbers”. The more people they meet and date, the better changes they have of meeting The One.

A serial dater avoids any serious connections at all costs.

The serial dater is a social being by excellence. The center of the group or party, he or she will make an immediate impression on the opposite gender. As a result, the serial dater will always have at all times at least one person with whom to flirt.

If you are that person, a tell-tale sign is the fact that you are not included in his or her life. You may see each other for a few hours every couple of days, time in which you will feel as the center of the world, but the fact is that you aren’t allowed deeper access into their lives.

Advertising

Serial daters strictly avoid getting to know you or you getting to know them. This way they can stay emotionally disconnected from their timely partners and can quickly switch from one lover to another. Serious talks about your relationship are also something to avoid at all costs for speed daters. Instead, once out of the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship, they value social approval, sex or material gains more than feelings.

If you realize that you’re dating a serial dater, please walk away from them.

Once you realize that you have picked out a serial dater out of the perpetually overcrowded dating market, the most obvious action would be to gradually distance yourself from him or her.

Serial daters can go to great lengths just for a new romantic conquest but once the battle is fought and castle conquered, their interest quickly fades away. However, strong relationships are defined by constant strains from both partners toward making it work. If your partner shows no sign of such a behavior, he or she might not be the one.

If you meet and recognize a speed dater, resist the impulse to engage with him or her. Nod and laugh but move on. Just as life is too short for serial daters to commit to a potentially disappointing sincere relationship, it can also be too short for others to share in their seemingly fickle romantic life.

Reference

[1] National Centre for Health Statistics: National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends
[2] Lifehack: 10 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Exciting And Fresh

More by this author

Saminu Abass

Content Writer and Blogger

Don’t Let Social Media Control Your Body and Mind. It’s Killing Your Productivity. To Live a Much More Fulfilling Life, Aim at Self Actualization What Is A Serial Dater And Why Can’t They Stand Loneliness? Will Your Own Business Be a Huge Success? These 8 Predictors Can Tell the Answer Don’t Be Fooled by Social Media. Most People Feel Lonely Too.

Trending in Psychology

1 How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy 2 The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected 3 Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering 4 How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful 5 How to Do Meditation at Home to Calm Your Anxious Mind

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

Advertising

Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

Advertising

You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

Advertising

To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

Advertising

But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

Read Next