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How Fear Is Deep-Rooted in Our Everyday Life and Controlling Us

How Fear Is Deep-Rooted in Our Everyday Life and Controlling Us

Right now, you’re living your life in fear. You probably don’t even realize it, but fear is controlling you – your life, your relationships, and your decision making. Don’t worry though, you’re not alone. In fact, everyone around you is going through the same thing.

You see, fear is powerful and taught to us at a young age. You learn what you should do and what shouldn’t do to avoid punishment and discomfort, that things that naturally cause fear. Now that you’ve grown up, however, fear comes from a number of different sources. And if you don’t know the source of your fear, it is nearly impossible to overcome. In fact, it makes it easy for other people and situations to control you and your actions.

The Sneaky Ways Fear Controls Your Life

Settling Is a Sign That You Fear Your Dreams and Desires Are Unattainable

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Maybe you have always wanted to travel the world. Now, you work as a travel agent planning other people’s trips and you think, “close enough”. Or, maybe you imagined yourself in a romantic relationship. Instead, you find yourself with somebody who is “nice enough”. Settling is a sign that you fear your dreams and desires are unattainable. You fear failing to achieve your hopes, forgetting your innate resilience to overcome failure.

You Try to Be Perfect to Avoid Criticism and Failure

Are you always striving to be perfect at everything? Ask yourself a very important question: Is it your definition of perfect or somebody else’s? Many of us drive ourselves crazy trying to have the perfect job, the perfect grades, the perfect body. Usually, somebody else has defined what is that perfect job, grade, body, or other achievement. So, why do you want to try so hard to be somebody else’s version of perfect? You have the fear of failure, of being left out, or of being judged.

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You Get Sick Often Due to a Lot of Unknown or Unrecognized Fear

Living with a lot of unknown or unrecognized fear can cause stress-like responses in your body. One of the most common stress-induced symptoms is feeling sick[1]. Have you had a sudden bout of unexplained gastrointestinal problems? Gaining weight but you haven’t changed your diet and exercise routine? Maybe you’re just feeling an overall sense of tiredness, body aches, and headache? Fear is weakening the resilience of your immune system.

How to Win The Battle against Fear

It’s time to have faith in your resilience so you can face your fears. Think about your life and the things that make you worry or cause you stress. Write them down. This act will allow you to focus on what you need to fix to get control of your life.

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You Have to Locate The Target to Hit it

If you don’t know exactly what your biggest fears are, you’ll never be able to conquer them.

Think of your worst dreams, the nightmares that wake you up at night. What’s happening in these dreams? Do you find yourself naked and terrified in front of people? This could be a sign that you’re self-conscious and afraid of what people think of your body. Focus on body acceptance and try to remember all the areas where you excel. This practice will help move your focus and fear away from your body insecurities and toward everything you should be proud of.

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Another way to identify your fear is to think of the moments in life that make you most nervous. Is it when you have to speak in front of large crowds? Or maybe you’re nervous when you meet new people or when you have to work on a group project at school or work? Think about the root of this fear. You are probably most afraid of criticism or of being rejected.

Feelings Are Temporary, Resilience Is Permanent

Consider the worst cast scenario of any of your fears. So you stutter through the introduction of your speech or you accidently spill a drink on a new acquaintance. Maybe you’re passed up for a promotion at work. In the end, does it really matter or is it just a temporary discomfort?

As you navigate this process of identifying and overcoming your fears, remain confident that your resilience will see you through. You can and will bounce back from anything – including the worst case scenario. This is your life, you should be in control – not fear. Take the risks you need to find your happiness. You’re worth every bit of it.

Reference

[1] WebMD: Stress Symptoms: Effects of Stress on the Body

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Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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