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How Fear Is Deep-Rooted in Our Everyday Life and Controlling Us

How Fear Is Deep-Rooted in Our Everyday Life and Controlling Us

Right now, you’re living your life in fear. You probably don’t even realize it, but fear is controlling you – your life, your relationships, and your decision making. Don’t worry though, you’re not alone. In fact, everyone around you is going through the same thing.

You see, fear is powerful and taught to us at a young age. You learn what you should do and what shouldn’t do to avoid punishment and discomfort, that things that naturally cause fear. Now that you’ve grown up, however, fear comes from a number of different sources. And if you don’t know the source of your fear, it is nearly impossible to overcome. In fact, it makes it easy for other people and situations to control you and your actions.

The Sneaky Ways Fear Controls Your Life

Settling Is a Sign That You Fear Your Dreams and Desires Are Unattainable

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Maybe you have always wanted to travel the world. Now, you work as a travel agent planning other people’s trips and you think, “close enough”. Or, maybe you imagined yourself in a romantic relationship. Instead, you find yourself with somebody who is “nice enough”. Settling is a sign that you fear your dreams and desires are unattainable. You fear failing to achieve your hopes, forgetting your innate resilience to overcome failure.

You Try to Be Perfect to Avoid Criticism and Failure

Are you always striving to be perfect at everything? Ask yourself a very important question: Is it your definition of perfect or somebody else’s? Many of us drive ourselves crazy trying to have the perfect job, the perfect grades, the perfect body. Usually, somebody else has defined what is that perfect job, grade, body, or other achievement. So, why do you want to try so hard to be somebody else’s version of perfect? You have the fear of failure, of being left out, or of being judged.

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You Get Sick Often Due to a Lot of Unknown or Unrecognized Fear

Living with a lot of unknown or unrecognized fear can cause stress-like responses in your body. One of the most common stress-induced symptoms is feeling sick[1]. Have you had a sudden bout of unexplained gastrointestinal problems? Gaining weight but you haven’t changed your diet and exercise routine? Maybe you’re just feeling an overall sense of tiredness, body aches, and headache? Fear is weakening the resilience of your immune system.

How to Win The Battle against Fear

It’s time to have faith in your resilience so you can face your fears. Think about your life and the things that make you worry or cause you stress. Write them down. This act will allow you to focus on what you need to fix to get control of your life.

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You Have to Locate The Target to Hit it

If you don’t know exactly what your biggest fears are, you’ll never be able to conquer them.

Think of your worst dreams, the nightmares that wake you up at night. What’s happening in these dreams? Do you find yourself naked and terrified in front of people? This could be a sign that you’re self-conscious and afraid of what people think of your body. Focus on body acceptance and try to remember all the areas where you excel. This practice will help move your focus and fear away from your body insecurities and toward everything you should be proud of.

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Another way to identify your fear is to think of the moments in life that make you most nervous. Is it when you have to speak in front of large crowds? Or maybe you’re nervous when you meet new people or when you have to work on a group project at school or work? Think about the root of this fear. You are probably most afraid of criticism or of being rejected.

Feelings Are Temporary, Resilience Is Permanent

Consider the worst cast scenario of any of your fears. So you stutter through the introduction of your speech or you accidently spill a drink on a new acquaintance. Maybe you’re passed up for a promotion at work. In the end, does it really matter or is it just a temporary discomfort?

As you navigate this process of identifying and overcoming your fears, remain confident that your resilience will see you through. You can and will bounce back from anything – including the worst case scenario. This is your life, you should be in control – not fear. Take the risks you need to find your happiness. You’re worth every bit of it.

Reference

[1] WebMD: Stress Symptoms: Effects of Stress on the Body

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Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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