Advertising
Advertising

Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People Become Average

Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People Become Average

Self actualization. It’s the process of becoming the best possible version of yourself, and it’s what we all want – whether or not we realize it.

The theory of self actualization was proposed by a psychologist named Abraham Maslow [1], and he believed that people who had achieved it were:

  • Completely self-accepting
  • Not afraid to take risks and step into the unknown
  • Grateful and able to fully enjoy each moment
  • Motivated by growth and development
  • Capable of deep, meaningful relationships

Sounds pretty good, right? Achieving self actualization requires a lot of hard work and dedication, but it is possible. However, there are a few actions that completely destroy your chances of achieving self actualization. You could be doing everything else right, but if you don’t give up these bad habits then you’ll never be able to reach your full potential.

Advertising

Are you guilty of any of the self-defeating habits listed below?

Putting others above yourself

You plan a day of relaxation and fun, filled with activities you’re passionate about. Then, you get a phone call. “Can you cover my shift today?” “I know you said you were busy, but I really need a babysitter.” “My boyfriend just broke up with me. Can you come over?”

Someone who respects their own time will think carefully before giving it up for someone else. While it’s great to help others, neglecting your own needs in the process can seriously hinder your journey to self actualization.

Advertising

If you’re the type of person who just can’t say no to people, ask yourself why. Here are some common reasons to consider:

  • You’re afraid people will stop liking you.
  • You feel guilty when you do things for yourself.
  • You aren’t comfortable being alone.
  • You don’t value your own time.
  • You prioritise other peoples’ needs over your own.

Making time for yourself is absolutely essential if you want to grow and develop. Don’t be afraid to say no – it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Getting scared and censoring yourself

Self-censorship means stopping yourself from saying what you really mean, and it usually comes from fear. “Is what I’m saying stupid?” “What would my friends/partner/parents think of this?” “I should just keep quiet.”

Advertising

Fear of criticism plays a big part in self-censorship, but many of us are afraid to be honest even when alone. To overcome this, try writing daily in a notebook that only you will read. Write anything you want, no matter how weird, stupid, or embarrassing. Don’t look back through what you’ve written if you think it will put you off – just keep writing.

Keep up with this practice and you’ll soon find that you’re more able to be honest and open in the rest of your life. Only by allowing our true, uncensored selves to break free can we achieve self actualization.

Giving in to the pressure to fit in

Self-actualization is not about fitting in or being accepted by others. The true version of you might not be liked by everyone, and that’s okay. Trying too hard to fit in can destroy what makes you unique, and make you feel fake and unhappy.

Advertising

Stay true to yourself no matter what other people say by following these tips:

  • Be clear on your values.
  • Always think before you act. If you have a bad feeling about something, don’t do it.
  • Don’t give up on your dreams because somebody else doesn’t believe they’ll work out.
  • Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage you.
  • Forget trying to make other people like you. Don’t change who you are just to please someone else.

The journey to self actualization isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Avoid self-sabotage by staying true to yourself, making your needs a priority and letting go of fear.

Reference

More by this author

Eloise Best

Eloise is an everyday health expert and runs My Vegan Supermarket, a vegan blog and database of supermarket products.

Don’t Just Work on Your CV. Look at Your Social Media Profiles Too Why We Lose Motivation Once in a While and How to Fix It HIIT: The Workout for Those Who Don’t Have Time to Exercise 4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting The One Rule to Keep Every Conversation Going Naturally

Trending in Psychology

1 20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About 2 11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind 3 4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting 4 How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing 5 How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

    Advertising

    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

    Advertising

    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

      Advertising

        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

          Advertising

          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

            Read Next