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Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People Become Average

Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People Become Average

Self actualization. It’s the process of becoming the best possible version of yourself, and it’s what we all want – whether or not we realize it.

The theory of self actualization was proposed by a psychologist named Abraham Maslow [1], and he believed that people who had achieved it were:

  • Completely self-accepting
  • Not afraid to take risks and step into the unknown
  • Grateful and able to fully enjoy each moment
  • Motivated by growth and development
  • Capable of deep, meaningful relationships

Sounds pretty good, right? Achieving self actualization requires a lot of hard work and dedication, but it is possible. However, there are a few actions that completely destroy your chances of achieving self actualization. You could be doing everything else right, but if you don’t give up these bad habits then you’ll never be able to reach your full potential.

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Are you guilty of any of the self-defeating habits listed below?

Putting others above yourself

You plan a day of relaxation and fun, filled with activities you’re passionate about. Then, you get a phone call. “Can you cover my shift today?” “I know you said you were busy, but I really need a babysitter.” “My boyfriend just broke up with me. Can you come over?”

Someone who respects their own time will think carefully before giving it up for someone else. While it’s great to help others, neglecting your own needs in the process can seriously hinder your journey to self actualization.

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If you’re the type of person who just can’t say no to people, ask yourself why. Here are some common reasons to consider:

  • You’re afraid people will stop liking you.
  • You feel guilty when you do things for yourself.
  • You aren’t comfortable being alone.
  • You don’t value your own time.
  • You prioritise other peoples’ needs over your own.

Making time for yourself is absolutely essential if you want to grow and develop. Don’t be afraid to say no – it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Getting scared and censoring yourself

Self-censorship means stopping yourself from saying what you really mean, and it usually comes from fear. “Is what I’m saying stupid?” “What would my friends/partner/parents think of this?” “I should just keep quiet.”

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Fear of criticism plays a big part in self-censorship, but many of us are afraid to be honest even when alone. To overcome this, try writing daily in a notebook that only you will read. Write anything you want, no matter how weird, stupid, or embarrassing. Don’t look back through what you’ve written if you think it will put you off – just keep writing.

Keep up with this practice and you’ll soon find that you’re more able to be honest and open in the rest of your life. Only by allowing our true, uncensored selves to break free can we achieve self actualization.

Giving in to the pressure to fit in

Self-actualization is not about fitting in or being accepted by others. The true version of you might not be liked by everyone, and that’s okay. Trying too hard to fit in can destroy what makes you unique, and make you feel fake and unhappy.

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Stay true to yourself no matter what other people say by following these tips:

  • Be clear on your values.
  • Always think before you act. If you have a bad feeling about something, don’t do it.
  • Don’t give up on your dreams because somebody else doesn’t believe they’ll work out.
  • Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage you.
  • Forget trying to make other people like you. Don’t change who you are just to please someone else.

The journey to self actualization isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Avoid self-sabotage by staying true to yourself, making your needs a priority and letting go of fear.

Reference

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Eloise Best

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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