Advertising
Advertising

Things Could Have Ended Differently If You Read These Relationship Advice Earlier

Things Could Have Ended Differently If You Read These Relationship Advice Earlier

Think back to your first relationship. Is there any advice you wish you could go back in time and give yourself? You’re not the only one. Most of us realize far too late how to have a healthy, successful relationship.

This article will share loads of relationship wisdom to give you a head start on the road to a happy partnership.

Are you ready for relationship advice that could change your life?

Advertising

Have Realistic Expectations of Love

Although we often think of love as a strong, everlasting, all-or-nothing feeling, science actually proves that’s not the case. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson carried out studies showing that feeling constant love for somebody is impossible. Instead, love happens in “micro-moments of positive resonance”, when you spend happy, connected time with someone you care about. [1]

If you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, stop and assess your feelings. It’s biologically impossible to feel love all of the time, and it’s natural to sometimes feel irritated by your partner. Stop chasing unrealistic ideas of ‘true love’, and instead focus on enjoying the time you spend with your partner.

Before Working on Your Relationship, First Make Sure You’re Together for the Right Reasons

Not every relationship will work out. If you’re having doubts, it can be helpful to look at the reasons why you’re in a relationship. If you’re together for any of the reasons listed below, it might be time to rethink.

Advertising

  • You felt pressure to get into the relationship – either from your partner, family or friends.
  • You just didn’t want to be single any longer.
  • You felt like the relationship would make you look good, improve your social status, or help you gain popularity.
  • You wanted somebody to ‘fix’ your problems.
  • You were young and naive when the relationship began.

These reasons don’t have to be a definite reason to break up, but spending time thinking about them should help you to get some clarity on your feelings.

If It’s Really an Unhealthy one, Just Quit It

It can be hard to objectively assess your own relationship, but it’s worth taking the time to do so. If any of the following signs are present in your relationship, it’s a strong indication that something could be wrong.

  • You feel like you and your partner bring out the worst in each other.
  • Your partner doesn’t respect you saying ‘no’ to something.
  • You aren’t able to compromise during disagreements.
  • You feel threatened by your partner.
  • One or both of you has lied during the relationship.
  • Your partner is controlling or manipulative.
  • You can’t envision a positive future together.

There’s only so much you can achieve by following relationship advice – in some cases, you might be better off ending the relationship all together.

Advertising

When You Know It’s a Right One, Make an Effort to Keep the Spark Alive

Whether you’ve been together for two months or 20 years, making an effort to keep your relationship feeling fresh and exciting is essential. Dedicate time to ‘dating’ each other, even if you live together.

You could schedule a weekly or monthly date night, a weekend break every six months, or a weeks’ holiday every year.

Stick to your plan and don’t let work or other commitments get in the way. Working on your relationship is just as important as working on your career.

Advertising

Stop Comparing Your Relationship to Others

No two relationships are the same. It might look like your best friend has the perfect boyfriend, or your coworker is in the ideal marriage, but you can never truly know what’s going on behind the scenes. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what’s great about your own relationship.

Combine Love and Commitment

Love alone isn’t enough to keep a relationship alive – ask any elderly married couple. There will probably be times when you feel like you hate your partner, and that’s when commitment comes in. Committing to someone means sticking with them even when things are hard, and it’s key to a long-lasting relationship. If you’re the type of person to break up the second something goes wrong, try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It could prevent you from making a decision you’ll regret.

You can’t predict the future of a relationship, but you can use wise relationship advice to give yourself and your partner the best chance of succeeding.

Reference

More by this author

Eloise Best

Eloise is an everyday health expert and runs My Vegan Supermarket, a vegan blog and database of supermarket products.

Why We Lose Motivation Once in a While and How to Fix It 4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting The One Rule to Keep Every Conversation Going Naturally Sorry, These Phrases in Conversations Do Not Make You Funny, but Boring See How You Don’t Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty!

Trending in Communication

1 10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life 2 9 Things to Remember When You’re Having a Bad Day 3 5 Steps to Cultivate a Positive Mental Attitude 4 How to Think Positive and Eliminate Negative Thoughts 5 How to Deal with Failure and Pick Yourself Back Up

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

Advertising

Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

Advertising

We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

Advertising

It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

Advertising

Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

More Inspiring Lessons

Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

Read Next