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Last Updated on January 18, 2021

We Don’t Need More Likes, We Need Self-Esteem

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We Don’t Need More Likes, We Need Self-Esteem

Have you noticed how posting on social media sites can be addictive?

Like any drug, it starts off seeming like something fun and harmless. You post a few images of yourself on the beach, and suddenly dozens of your friends have liked or shared them. Feels good, doesn’t it?

However, in time, we can become caught in a vicious cycle of continuously needing positive feedback on our posts. If the likes and shares are missing – a part of us feels missing too.

It can be a tragic situation.

What’s missing isn’t others’ approval, it’s self-esteem.

Becoming dependent on likes and shares for our happiness is a difficult addiction to break.

Your mobile device holds your attention – and often holds you hostage.

The first step in learning to escape is to understand that needing constant likes and shares is usually a symptom of low self-esteem. If you can learn to boost your self-esteem, you’ll be able to break the mental and emotional chains that bind you.

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I’ll be honest with you, though. Building and maintaining self-esteem is not an easy task. You’ll need to work on it daily and know and practice the most effective tips and techniques. (Luckily, I’m about to share these with you!)

Self-esteem determines how you feel and think about yourself.

Why should you care about self-esteem? This question can be answered with another question: Do you care about yourself?

If you have low self-esteem, you may feel inferior and worthless. With high self-esteem, you’ll have the opposite qualities: confidence and value.

In other words, you should definitely care about your self-esteem. It’s vitally important for your personal well-being, happiness and success in life.

With high self-esteem, you’ll find yourself living a simpler, stronger and more purposeful life.

It’s the difference between a failed actor and someone like Tom Cruise. The first guy probably lacked self-belief, while Cruise has gone on to become one of the world’s most successful actors. He’s talented for sure, but he also possesses powerful self-esteem.

The magic of boosting self-esteem lies within you.

As we’ve seen, your happiness and success in life depend on your level of self-esteem.

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Let’s take a look now at seven ways you can increase your self-esteem (without becoming an egomaniac!).

Never, ever, expect perfection.

Have you noticed that when you constantly seek perfection – life often disappoints you? While it’s certainly a good idea to aim high, don’t get caught in the ‘perfection trap’. It can prevent you from taking advantage of new opportunities, as well as blocking your ability to finish things.

As an example, think of a time when you were seeking a new job. You may have overlooked the ideal role simply because it didn’t tick all your preconceived boxes.

Contribute to society.

If you’re too busy helping others less fortunate than yourself, then you won’t have time to worry about your low self-esteem. In fact, by contributing to society, you’ll definitely boost your self-esteem. Helping others makes you feel good about yourself.

So, why not put this into practice by finding ways to contribute to society? These could take the form of voluntary work or random acts of kindness.[1]

Live healthily every day.

You’ve no doubt come across sloppy people who don’t seem to care about their appearance or their lives. Don’t be like them. If you want a happy and successful life, you need to focus on your health. Through correct diet and exercise, you can not only look good – but feel good too. It’s amazing how much you can raise your self-esteem through this method. You’ll have more energy, more confidence and will begin to attract success to you.

The key is to make small changes that you can stick to. For example, don’t go immediately from eating meat daily to a strict vegan diet.[2] Instead, gradually wean yourself of meat by reducing your weekly intake.

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Recognize triggers to low self-esteem.

Difficult events like separating from a partner or losing a job can trigger a rapid fall in your self-esteem. It’s critical at these times to make an extra effort to maintain your balance, poise and self-belief. Eliminate thoughts such as: “I always mess things up,” and replace them with positive imagery such as one door closing… and another one opening.

Focus on what you do well.

If you look around at others, you’ll instantly see that they can do many things better than you. If you allow this comparison, you’ll inevitably feel weak and inferior. However, you don’t need to think like this.

Every one of us is unique. This means that we also have unique talents. Your boss may be great at decision making, whereas you might excel at customer service. The trick is to find what you’re good at and focus on this. Don’t try to be a jack of all trades![3]

Set challenging goals.

How many times have you been told to set goals, but have chosen to ignore this advice? Lots of times no doubt. I sympathize with you, as I used to be like that too. Goal setting seemed liked a good idea, but I never got around to doing it! Fortunately, in recent years I’ve learned that goal setting really does work.

To convince yourself of the power of goal setting, start off with a few easy goals such as: walking or cycling to work a few days a week, adding a few extra dollars a month to your savings account, and giving more of your time to loved ones.

Do what you love and have fun!

Low self-esteem can be associated with lethargy, anxiety and even depression. Don’t get dragged down into these ‘joy-killers’. Instead, make an effort to have fun at all times – and lighten up your life!

There are countless ways to have fun, but here are some of the best ones: spend time with friends who know how to laugh, watch a funny movie, seek humor that’s hidden in serious situations. By learning to laugh and enjoy yourself, you’ll naturally boost your self-esteem. You’ll also have a positive influence on people you interact with.

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So, there you have it.

I’ve revealed what self-esteem is, why you should value it – and how to boost it.

Now, it’s over to you.

Focus less on how many likes and shares you’ve received today, and instead, focus on the things that really matter in life. As you raise up your self-esteem, you’ll find new energy and purpose.

Life is a journey. Just make sure you’re traveling in the right direction.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] Random acts of kindness
[2] The Vegan Society: Definition of Vegan
[3] Wikipedia: Jack of all trades, master of none

More by this author

Craig J Todd

UK Writer who loves to use the power of words to inspire and motivate.

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Last Updated on July 21, 2021

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

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How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Learn how to boost your confidence: How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

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So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

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Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

More Tips for Strengthening Your Resilience

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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