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How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

I was falling asleep and suddenly… “BANG BANG BANG”…

Loud noise from neighbourhood…it was 2 am!

It has been a tough day and I just wanted to sleep well!

Why do you have to disturb me? Tell me why…

Filled with anger, I found it even harder to fall asleep…

And I know sometimes anger just makes the situation worse, as there are a lot of consequences…

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Anger is associated with type 2 diabetes

According to an article in the Journal of Medicine and Life in 2010, anger can have a direct impact upon cardiovascular diseases. [1] Not only that, scientists also associated it with the type 2 diabetes and many other diseases that many of us are not aware of. One thing not to forget though is, unhealthy habits like smoking, taking drugs or simply eating too much, resulting in obesity might also be possible when one is too angry that they would like to take a little ‘escape’ for comfort by doing those unhealthy habits or by eating.

Anger makes you have less interaction with others

The reason why anger could lead to obesity lies on the negative effects anger has on our mental health. Anger is linked with, by many scientists in their studies, depression. When being angry, we often want to isolate ourselves from people in which we will then have little interaction, and this in long term can cause depression.

Should I just let it all hang out?

If anger is not good for our health, but why do people say it is good to “Let it All Hang Out?’’, is this even true?

The answer from psychologists is a big NO. This is actually a very dangerous myth that some of us use as an excuse to hurt one another. Research [2] supported those psychologists as it is shown that letting out of our anger, in fact, escalates our anger and aggression.

Instead of being angry at the other, it’s better for you to see how to let go of anger and keep yourself calm and peaceful.

How to let go of anger

Write down your experience on a paper

Study finds that writing down feelings does make us feel better.[3]

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Apart from feelings, it’s good to record every detail. Why? It’s tiring. When you spend so much efforts to narrate the story and record all the details, at first you may be very enthusiastic but gradually you’ll want to end it as soon as possible. This is a very effective way to make yourself move on naturally.

Things to include are:

  • What happened? When? What? Why? Who? Where?
  • Why made you particularly angry?
  • What are both of your reactions?

When you finish, glance at it once, then tear the paper into pieces. It’ll like trashing your anger!

One time I was angry with my mom and I wrote 3 pages. When I finally finished the moment I tore the paper I just laughed (it felt so good!). And my mom looked at me with a puzzled face.

Give yourself 24 hours before you react

When you’re angry, it’s hard not to react immediately.

I know how it feels…You just really want to make a counter argument and get the upper hand again…

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But if the person doesn’t care, it’s nonsense to explain to him/her. If the person cares like they’re your loved ones, when you react at once, quite likely you’ll say something inappropriate. It would become an even bigger disaster then.

One great tip a quora user [4]shared is to give yourself 24 hours before you react.

She said “To remember to give yourself 24 hours before you react. If something bothers you, angers you, hurts you or disturbs you, remember you’re not in a normal frame of mind, being put in an extreme situation. Stay calm, silent and aloof for 24 hours before you voice your opinion/act or react. If it still bothers you after 24 hours, speak about it maturely. 

You’ll be surprised at how many relationships you’ll save by not being impulsive in the heat of the moment. When you can do this, you’re wise enough.”

Really angry now? Set an alarm for yourself and deal with it 24 hours later. Meanwhile make yourself busy with things you’ve been wanting to do for so long but haven’t yet.

How to make yourself less likely to get angry in future

Great books that will make you a calmer person

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The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love (APA Lifetools)

Instead of telling you how not to get hurt in life, this book teaches you step-by-step the way to learn to forgive about the painful things and awful people that had happened in your life. By learning to forgive will you be able to learn again, how to love and just like the title, create a legacy of love in your life for your familes, your friends and possibly for the world to feel.

Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope

Written by the same author, this book shows you how forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven and introduces you different stages in the forgiving process with examples from children of divorced parents to parents of murdered children. This book might especially be good for those who have tried but failed in forgiving before.

What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger

Managing our emotions should actually be learned in a younger age in life and this book provides you and your kid the guide to deal with their anger and what to do when one is angry. This is a perfect book for parents who want to but think it is hard to teach their kids the way to deal with their anger and to explain how overcoming problems with anger will not work.

Meditation

Mediation is a great way to calm your emotions including anger. But it takes time to practice before you can master the skills. You can learn more about how to meditate with this article.

Reference

More by this author

Chloe Chong

Chloe is a social media expert and shares lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 13, 2020

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

It’s common to be struck with a bout of pessimism, or to naturally be more towards the pessimistic end of the perspective spectrum. It’s hard to see the positives in life and become an optimist when you’re lost in the murky waters of negative thinking.

However, Henrik Edberg, the founder of The Positivity Blog is here to share nine ways we can create a more optimistic outlook and positive perspective:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson

When I was younger — in my teens and early 20s — I was trapped. Not physically, but mentally: by the destructive thought pattern called pessimism. This negative thinking poisoned what might have been a pretty good and opportunity-filled childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. This pessimism created ceilings and walls where there really were none.

Throughout the period when I was ridden by pessimism, my life and I mostly stood still. Looking back, it was a terrible waste. If you are in pessimistic place, you don’t have to stay there for the rest of your life. I didn’t, for I learned to replace my negative thinking with optimism.

In this article I’ll explore nine positivity habits that have helped me to go from someone who was pessimistic most of the time to someone who is now optimistic almost all the time. I recommend to not try to add all the habits at one go but to choose one habit and to practice it for 30 days so it becomes a habit, before adding the next.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

This is the simplest but perhaps also the most important habit I have discovered in adopting an optimistic mindset. The questions we ask ourselves day in and day out when we wind up in negative, difficult or uncertain situations make all the difference in our life.

A pessimist might ask him/herself questions like:

  • “Why did this happen to me?”
  • “Why do bad things happen to me all the time?”

But an optimist asks him/herself the questions that open up the mind to new viewpoints and possibilities. A few of my favorite questions for finding the optimistic perspective are:

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  • “What is one good thing about this situation?”
  • “What can I learn from this situation?”
  • “What is one small step I can take today to start solving this situation?”

2. Create a Positive Environment to Live In

The people you spend your time with and the information you let influence your mind will have a huge effect on your attitude and how you think about things.

Watch this YouTube video and learn the power of a positive environment:

So choose to:

  • Spend more time with the people who lift you up. And less time – or no time – with people who just bring you down by being negative and critical. Read: You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
  • Let in the information that supports you. Spend less time on negative and self-esteem damaging media sources and spend more time reading positive and constructive blogs and books, watching motivating movies, listening to inspirational songs, and listening to audio books and podcasts created by optimistic people. Check out 12 Inspirational Movies With Important Life Lessons To Learn and 25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time.

3. Be Grateful for What You Have (Don’t Forget About Yourself Too)

A very simple and quick way to boost the positive energy in your life is to tap into gratitude.

I usually do it by asking one or more of these questions:

  1. What can I be grateful for in my life today?
  2. Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
  3. What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

Just spend 60 seconds or a few minutes during your day with answering one of these questions to reap the wonderful benefits.

4. Don’t Forget About Your Physical Self

Being an optimist isn’t just about thinking in a different way. It is also about caring for the physical part of ourselves.

I have found that working out a couple of times a week, enough quality sleep each night and eating healthy food has a huge effect on my mindset.

If I mismanage those very basic things then negative thoughts pop up far more often and I become more pessimistic and shut down about the possibilities in my life.

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So don’t neglect these basic fundamentals. Just caring for your physical self the right way can minimize a whole bunch of problems in life.

5. Start Your Day in an Optimistic Way

The way you start your morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. For example, a stress-free morning often leads to less stress during the rest of the day.

So how can you set an optimistic tone for your day?

A three-step combination that has worked very well for me is to ask myself a gratitude question during breakfast, read some positive information online or in a book very early in the morning and then follow that up with exercising.

This sets my mind on the right path and fills me up with energy for my day.

6. Focus on Solutions

A sure way to feel more negative about a situation is to sit around and do nothing about it. Instead, use the questions I shared in step one and open up your mind to the possibilities of the situation you are in.

If you have trouble to get started with taking action, ask yourself:

What is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling?

Then take that small step forward. However small this step is, it can have a big effect in your mood and thoughts. If the step feels too big or it just makes you procrastinate, then ask yourself:

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What is an even smaller step I can take to move forward today?

The most important thing is to move forward, even if it’s a tiny baby step.

7. Reduce Your Worries

The worrying habit is a powerful and destructive one and can take over anyone’s thinking. It used to be one of my biggest obstacles to optimism and to moving forward in life.

Two effective steps that have helped me and still help me to this day to minimize the worries are:

  1. Ask yourself: how many of my worries ever happened in reality? If you are like me you will find that the answer is: very few. Most of the things you fear throughout your life will never happen. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. This question can help you to do a reality check, to calm down and to realize that you have most likely just been building another imaginary nightmare.
  2. Focus on solutions and the action you can take. The worries grow stronger in a foggy mind and an inactive body. So use the questions in Steps 1 and 6 to move out of your worries and into resolution.

8. Don’t Let Ideals Ruin Things

A common mistake people make when making a shift in their attitudes is that they think that they have be perfect and do things perfectly all the time. This traps them from being positive.

Changing to a positive attitude can be gradual. While you may slip and stumble, continuing this way over time will strengthen your positive viewpoint more and more.

But if you set an inhuman standard for yourself and think you have to go from being a pessimist to always being an optimist, then you may find it hard to live up to that. And so you may feel like a failure. You get angry with yourself. And you may even give up on changing this habit and fall back into negative thinking.

So instead, focus on gradual change. If you are optimistic 40% of the time right now, try to improve this to being optimistic 60% of the time. Then, increase that to 80% when you are used to the new standard, then subsequently 100% if you can.

This focus on gradual improvement is far more sustainable and likely to bring long-term success than trying to reach an inhuman standard grounded in perfection.

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9. Finally, a Reminder to Help You to Not Give Up

I would like to end this article with a simple but powerful and timeless thought that comforted and encouraged me to continue on when things looked bleak.

That thought is: It is always darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on and keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad. It has helped me to continue on in my online business when things looked like they would never pick up. It has helped me to put one foot over another even when things looked dark.

I have found this thought to be very true. Why? Because when things seemed to be at the lowest for my blog, business, dating life or life in general, something positive would always happened. That’s probably because being at a low point forced me to change how I did things.

But maybe also because life has a way of evening itself out when I go on. By taking action rather than give up, something good will always happens.

Seeing this thought live itself out has strengthened my belief in staying optimistic, in taking action and to keep going even when going through rough patches.

Re-syndicated 9 Simple Habits to Stay Positive in Life | Personal Excellence

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Featured photo credit: Allie Smith via unsplash.com

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