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How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

I was falling asleep and suddenly… “BANG BANG BANG”…

Loud noise from neighbourhood…it was 2 am!

It has been a tough day and I just wanted to sleep well!

Why do you have to disturb me? Tell me why…

Filled with anger, I found it even harder to fall asleep…

And I know sometimes anger just makes the situation worse, as there are a lot of consequences…

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Anger is associated with type 2 diabetes

According to an article in the Journal of Medicine and Life in 2010, anger can have a direct impact upon cardiovascular diseases. [1] Not only that, scientists also associated it with the type 2 diabetes and many other diseases that many of us are not aware of. One thing not to forget though is, unhealthy habits like smoking, taking drugs or simply eating too much, resulting in obesity might also be possible when one is too angry that they would like to take a little ‘escape’ for comfort by doing those unhealthy habits or by eating.

Anger makes you have less interaction with others

The reason why anger could lead to obesity lies on the negative effects anger has on our mental health. Anger is linked with, by many scientists in their studies, depression. When being angry, we often want to isolate ourselves from people in which we will then have little interaction, and this in long term can cause depression.

Should I just let it all hang out?

If anger is not good for our health, but why do people say it is good to “Let it All Hang Out?’’, is this even true?

The answer from psychologists is a big NO. This is actually a very dangerous myth that some of us use as an excuse to hurt one another. Research [2] supported those psychologists as it is shown that letting out of our anger, in fact, escalates our anger and aggression.

Instead of being angry at the other, it’s better for you to see how to let go of anger and keep yourself calm and peaceful.

How to let go of anger

Write down your experience on a paper

Study finds that writing down feelings does make us feel better.[3]

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Apart from feelings, it’s good to record every detail. Why? It’s tiring. When you spend so much efforts to narrate the story and record all the details, at first you may be very enthusiastic but gradually you’ll want to end it as soon as possible. This is a very effective way to make yourself move on naturally.

Things to include are:

  • What happened? When? What? Why? Who? Where?
  • Why made you particularly angry?
  • What are both of your reactions?

When you finish, glance at it once, then tear the paper into pieces. It’ll like trashing your anger!

One time I was angry with my mom and I wrote 3 pages. When I finally finished the moment I tore the paper I just laughed (it felt so good!). And my mom looked at me with a puzzled face.

Give yourself 24 hours before you react

When you’re angry, it’s hard not to react immediately.

I know how it feels…You just really want to make a counter argument and get the upper hand again…

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But if the person doesn’t care, it’s nonsense to explain to him/her. If the person cares like they’re your loved ones, when you react at once, quite likely you’ll say something inappropriate. It would become an even bigger disaster then.

One great tip a quora user [4]shared is to give yourself 24 hours before you react.

She said “To remember to give yourself 24 hours before you react. If something bothers you, angers you, hurts you or disturbs you, remember you’re not in a normal frame of mind, being put in an extreme situation. Stay calm, silent and aloof for 24 hours before you voice your opinion/act or react. If it still bothers you after 24 hours, speak about it maturely. 

You’ll be surprised at how many relationships you’ll save by not being impulsive in the heat of the moment. When you can do this, you’re wise enough.”

Really angry now? Set an alarm for yourself and deal with it 24 hours later. Meanwhile make yourself busy with things you’ve been wanting to do for so long but haven’t yet.

How to make yourself less likely to get angry in future

Great books that will make you a calmer person

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The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love (APA Lifetools)

Instead of telling you how not to get hurt in life, this book teaches you step-by-step the way to learn to forgive about the painful things and awful people that had happened in your life. By learning to forgive will you be able to learn again, how to love and just like the title, create a legacy of love in your life for your familes, your friends and possibly for the world to feel.

Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope

Written by the same author, this book shows you how forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven and introduces you different stages in the forgiving process with examples from children of divorced parents to parents of murdered children. This book might especially be good for those who have tried but failed in forgiving before.

What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger

Managing our emotions should actually be learned in a younger age in life and this book provides you and your kid the guide to deal with their anger and what to do when one is angry. This is a perfect book for parents who want to but think it is hard to teach their kids the way to deal with their anger and to explain how overcoming problems with anger will not work.

Meditation

Mediation is a great way to calm your emotions including anger. But it takes time to practice before you can master the skills. You can learn more about how to meditate with this article.

Reference

More by this author

Chloe Chong

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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