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How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

How To Let Go Of Anger When You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

I was falling asleep and suddenly… “BANG BANG BANG”…

Loud noise from neighbourhood…it was 2 am!

It has been a tough day and I just wanted to sleep well!

Why do you have to disturb me? Tell me why…

Filled with anger, I found it even harder to fall asleep…

And I know sometimes anger just makes the situation worse, as there are a lot of consequences…

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Anger is associated with type 2 diabetes

According to an article in the Journal of Medicine and Life in 2010, anger can have a direct impact upon cardiovascular diseases. [1] Not only that, scientists also associated it with the type 2 diabetes and many other diseases that many of us are not aware of. One thing not to forget though is, unhealthy habits like smoking, taking drugs or simply eating too much, resulting in obesity might also be possible when one is too angry that they would like to take a little ‘escape’ for comfort by doing those unhealthy habits or by eating.

Anger makes you have less interaction with others

The reason why anger could lead to obesity lies on the negative effects anger has on our mental health. Anger is linked with, by many scientists in their studies, depression. When being angry, we often want to isolate ourselves from people in which we will then have little interaction, and this in long term can cause depression.

Should I just let it all hang out?

If anger is not good for our health, but why do people say it is good to “Let it All Hang Out?’’, is this even true?

The answer from psychologists is a big NO. This is actually a very dangerous myth that some of us use as an excuse to hurt one another. Research [2] supported those psychologists as it is shown that letting out of our anger, in fact, escalates our anger and aggression.

Instead of being angry at the other, it’s better for you to see how to let go of anger and keep yourself calm and peaceful.

How to let go of anger

Write down your experience on a paper

Study finds that writing down feelings does make us feel better.[3]

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Apart from feelings, it’s good to record every detail. Why? It’s tiring. When you spend so much efforts to narrate the story and record all the details, at first you may be very enthusiastic but gradually you’ll want to end it as soon as possible. This is a very effective way to make yourself move on naturally.

Things to include are:

  • What happened? When? What? Why? Who? Where?
  • Why made you particularly angry?
  • What are both of your reactions?

When you finish, glance at it once, then tear the paper into pieces. It’ll like trashing your anger!

One time I was angry with my mom and I wrote 3 pages. When I finally finished the moment I tore the paper I just laughed (it felt so good!). And my mom looked at me with a puzzled face.

Give yourself 24 hours before you react

When you’re angry, it’s hard not to react immediately.

I know how it feels…You just really want to make a counter argument and get the upper hand again…

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But if the person doesn’t care, it’s nonsense to explain to him/her. If the person cares like they’re your loved ones, when you react at once, quite likely you’ll say something inappropriate. It would become an even bigger disaster then.

One great tip a quora user [4]shared is to give yourself 24 hours before you react.

She said “To remember to give yourself 24 hours before you react. If something bothers you, angers you, hurts you or disturbs you, remember you’re not in a normal frame of mind, being put in an extreme situation. Stay calm, silent and aloof for 24 hours before you voice your opinion/act or react. If it still bothers you after 24 hours, speak about it maturely. 

You’ll be surprised at how many relationships you’ll save by not being impulsive in the heat of the moment. When you can do this, you’re wise enough.”

Really angry now? Set an alarm for yourself and deal with it 24 hours later. Meanwhile make yourself busy with things you’ve been wanting to do for so long but haven’t yet.

How to make yourself less likely to get angry in future

Great books that will make you a calmer person

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The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love (APA Lifetools)

Instead of telling you how not to get hurt in life, this book teaches you step-by-step the way to learn to forgive about the painful things and awful people that had happened in your life. By learning to forgive will you be able to learn again, how to love and just like the title, create a legacy of love in your life for your familes, your friends and possibly for the world to feel.

Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope

Written by the same author, this book shows you how forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven and introduces you different stages in the forgiving process with examples from children of divorced parents to parents of murdered children. This book might especially be good for those who have tried but failed in forgiving before.

What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger

Managing our emotions should actually be learned in a younger age in life and this book provides you and your kid the guide to deal with their anger and what to do when one is angry. This is a perfect book for parents who want to but think it is hard to teach their kids the way to deal with their anger and to explain how overcoming problems with anger will not work.

Meditation

Mediation is a great way to calm your emotions including anger. But it takes time to practice before you can master the skills. You can learn more about how to meditate with this article.

Reference

More by this author

Chloe Chong

Chloe is a social media expert and shares lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2019

12 Inspirational Speeches That Teach You the Most Valuable Life Lessons

12 Inspirational Speeches That Teach You the Most Valuable Life Lessons

The most valuable thing an experienced person has is their experience. People make mistakes, learn from them, and adapt their life around them to become better people. Those people would then tell tales to others to help teach those lessons so that others would not have to make the same mistakes.

People still tell these stories today but in a slightly different format — they use speeches to express their experiences. Here are some valuable life lessons you can learn from some of the greatest inspirational speeches:

1. JK Rowling teaches us to not fear failure no matter how bad things become

It is a well-known fact that JK Rowling’s now-famous Harry Potter series was turned down by several publishers before it was finally picked up. Those publishers are likely kicking themselves in the pants right now. However, before that, JK Rowling was in a fairly dire situation and was on the brink of failure. Despite being turned down time and time again, she kept trying. Her efforts paid off. Harry Potter is now a ubiquitous character in today’s world culture. Despite failing over and over again, Rowling kept trying and fulfilled her dreams. You can watch her deliver some valuable life lessons in her Harvard commencement speech video above.

2. Steve Jobs teaches us to never settle

Steve Jobs had a fairly tumultuous life. He co-founded Apple, was kicked out of the company, came back, and then re-defined the mobile phone space with the iPhone. Even if iPhones aren’t the rage they once were, its iconic value is forever written in stone. One thing Jobs never did was settle. He lived life on his own terms and was rewarded for it by being dubbed one of the most revolutionary voices in technology of our time. In the Stanford commencement speech above, Jobs explains how you should never settle for what someone else wants out of your life. It’s your life and you should do what you want with it.

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3. Admiral William H McRaven teaches us to make our beds every day

Anyone who has gone through the basic training of a military service will tell you it’s pretty difficult. However, every seemingly obnoxious step is actually a life lesson in disguise. This even applies to flawlessly making one’s bed every single morning. As Admiral William H McRaven teaches us, recruits are taught to make their beds every morning to remind them that even the little things in life matter. After all, how can you be expected to handle the biggest obstacles in your life if you can’t even handle the small and the mundane like making your bed every day? You can watch the entire speech in the video above.

4. Author David Foster Wallace teaches us that we’re a part of a greater existence

David Foster Wallace found fame in 1987 with his book The Broom of the System. Nearly 20 years later in 2005 he game a commencement speech at Kenyon College that is worth listening to at least once. In his speech, he reminds us that was are but a part of a huge, dynamic, ever changing interaction of life forms. In order to truly experience life, we need to leave our personal bubbles and interact with others even if it’s in an unpleasant way. Wallace states, “It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.” You can watch the whole speech above.

5. Stephen Colbert teaches us that life isn’t something you can plan

If there is anyone who knows about improvisation, it’s comedian Stephen Colbert. In his commencement speech at Northwestern University in 2011, Colbert reminded students that you cannot plan life. Life throws too many curve balls. There are too many unpredictable things that can happen. The most successful and happy people are not those who have a plan, but those who can roll with the punches and overcome the obstacles. He goes on to site his time as an improv comic and how all of the actors working together to create a scene out of literally nothing are all working for one another. He states that like improv comedy, you don’t know what happens next in life. You just make it up as you go along. You can watch the whole speech above.

6. Kurt Vonnegut teaches us to not sweat the small stuff

Some of our younger readers may not know Kurt Vonnegut. He is a famous author that found of of his success during the middle of last century. In 1999, Kurt Vonnegut was at Agnes Scott College giving a commencement speech. During the speech, he mentioned that in order to live a more complete life, people needed to let stuff go. He argued that you cannot reasonably expect others to forgive you for your mistakes if you cannot forgive others and that you cannot live life fostering a personal vendetta against others.

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7. Neil Gaiman teaches us that success can be distracting.

Neil Gaiman is most known for his work in a number of literary mediums including journalism, comic books, and novels. In 2012, Gaiman gave a speech at the University of the Arts where he talked about success. He stated that when you become successful, you may be unintentionally swayed from performing the actions that made you successful. Gaiman recalled his early success and how he felt pressured to answer emails all day long and it actually prevented him from writing as much as he wanted. So he reminds us to keep doing what makes us successful and to not let others get in the way.

8. Barack Obama’s life lessons teaches us that you really can beat the odds

We know that not everyone likes Barack Obama but that doesn’t mean the man can’t deliver an amazing speech. In this 2004 keynote speech at the Democratic National Convenction, Obama reminds that it is possible to beat the odds and become something great. He cites his own upbringing as an example and how he was never expected to make it as far as he did. It shows that when you’re passionate about something and when you try hard enough, you can accomplish almost anything. It’s important to note that Obama talks about this in 2004 and would become the President of the United States just four years later.

9. Robin Roberts reminds us that we each have the courage to overcome challenges

Robin Roberts knows a thing or two about courage. She is a breast cancer survivor and has done battle with a rare blood disease called myelodysplastic syndrome. Her sister once had to donate bone marrow just so Robin could remain alive. She was also ESPN’s first African American broadcaster in the early 1990’s. She’s a woman who works in an industry predominately populated by men. So when Robin Roberts takes the stage at the ESPYs and delivers a short lecture on having courage, we would do well to listen!

10. Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us that some things are more important than success

We all know the story of Martin Luther King Jr. So much so that we have a day of the year to celebrate him as a national holiday here in the United States. Most of us have listening to segments of his famous speech where he told the world about a dream he had. The main message of his famous speech is that racial inequalities needed to end and he was absolutely right. However, he also reminds us that there are things that are more important than success such as equal rights and treating each other with respect and kindness. If you somehow made it through school without watching the famous speech, we’ve got it linked above.

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11. Jim Carrey reminds us that even if you keep it safe, you can still fail so you might as well go big

Jim Carrey delivered a commencement speech at Maharishi University recently that went absolutely viral. You may know it as the one minute video that will change your life. They weren’t lying but they weren’t telling the whole truth because the speech was actually 28 minutes long. During the speech, Carrey talks about his father who wanted to be a comedian but decided to take the safe route and become an accountant. As it turns out, his father was laid off and his family ended up poor anyway. With that, Carrey tells us that you can still end up failing even if you play it safe so you might as well swing for the fences and do what you want to do.

12. Bill Murray teaches us that it’s the hard times that determine if someone really loves you

You may have heard the story about Bill Murray crashing someone’s bachelor party and delivering a speech. It turns out the speech was both short and fairly epic. During the speech, Bill Murray challenged the bachelors to travel around the world with the women they love and go to places that are difficult to go to and deal with. He says if you can get back to the United States and you still love each other, then you should get married right then and there. It’s a great message. It’s easy to love one another when times are good but do you still love each other when the times are bad? If so, that’s true love according to Bill Murray.

Final thoughts

Inspiration comes from everywhere and from anyone. There are a countless number of speeches and stories that can teach us an incalculable number of life lessons.

All these speeches almost share the same message: Don’t be afraid to fail and keep trying.

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If you also want to live your best life like the above successful people, this is what you should start doing:

You’ll Only Live Your Best Life Once You Step Out

At the end of the day, everything is inspirational. It’s just a matter of finding the message that we need to hear to change our lives.

Featured photo credit: Miguel Henriques via unsplash.com

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