Advertising
Advertising

Teasing Someone “Nicely” Is What Builds A Close Relationship

Teasing Someone “Nicely” Is What Builds A Close Relationship

When you hear the word “teasing”, it sounds a bit..negative isn’t it? It often relates to bullying or in simple term, hurting someone’s feelings.

Here’s one classic example from the Harry Potter book series where Draco Malfoy called Hermione Granger “You filthy little Mudblood” (just in case you are not an HP fan, that’s an insulting term used to describe people who are not from a wizard family AKA pure blood).

Advertising

This is what I called nasty teasing. You can see not only anger from Hermione’s eyes but that the insult has also triggered her friends too. It’s like pinpointing someone’s weakness, and giving it a direct punch to make he/she feel even worse about it.

Teasing at the “Sweet Spot” is a different story.

However, being able to tease your loved ones at the “sweet spot” is a sign of close relationship. Teasing someone at the sweet spot requires the right tone, the right language and at the right time. You might think, “Wow that sounds a lot of work!” but if you know that person well and have developed a deep and quality relationship with him/her, this kind of teasing (affectionate teasing) should come naturally during your conversations and add a lot of fun to it too.

Advertising

If nasty teasing is a direct punch to the victim, affectionate teasing is like playing water splashing with your friends at the beach. It’s a natural thing to play, it might hurt you a bit if sea water gets into your eyes but it’s fun to do and no one will end up feeling sad or angry (it typically ends with laughter).

“Ron, just because you have the emotional range as a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all do”, this is, again a classic teasing scene from the Harry Potter series where Harry, Hermione and Ron discuss Harry’s feeling for Cho. You can see from the clip the 3 of them burst into laughter after listening to Hermione’s teasing.

Advertising

Affectionate teasing from others can help us reveal our true self to the world, in a nice way.

Affectionate teasing won’t create tension. It only brings joy and adds a sense of humor into the conversion. This can only happen between people with close relationships. It’s a sign of deep understanding of your weaknesses, your true self and personalities or simply some precious moments (most likely embarrassing yet funny moments) that you and your loved ones once shared together.

Other than that, a video created by The School Of life suggested that we enjoy being warmly teased because deep down we know the teaser understands we are sometimes not what we presented to the world, we hide some parts of our true self due to the norms society imposes on us.

Advertising

The feeling of not being able to be ourselves is awful and a warm teasing at this moment can make us feel better. It touches our hearts because we know there is someone in the room that at least understand us. After all who doesn’t love to be understood?

Take a moment to watch the video and see if you deepen your relationship with your partner, friends or families by teasing them “nicely”.

More by this author

Jolie Choi

Gone through a few heartbreaks and lost hundreds of friends but I am still happy with my life.

11 Health Benefits of Cucumber Water (+3 Refreshing Drink Recipes) Put Down Your Pizza and Find Your Healthy Diet Challenge Buddy By Using “Foodstand” Ditch Your Banana and Kale! Use “The Blender Girl” To Find Your Fun and Tasty Smoothie Recipes If You Exercise but Sit a Lot, You’re Still Unhealthy Walk While You Work, You’ll Be 10X Healthier

Trending in Communication

1 The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach 2 How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home 3 Building Relationships: 11 Rules for Self-Promotion 4 18 Ways to Have Effective Communication in the Workplace 5 How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

Advertising

Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

Advertising

Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

Advertising

Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

Advertising

Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

Read Next