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How To Answer The Awkward Questions In Family Gatherings

How To Answer The Awkward Questions In Family Gatherings

There is nothing better than having family reunions on special occasions. We all love our families but sometimes we are hesitant about attending such gatherings because of the awkward questions that accompany them.

Nearly no one can escape from such embarrassing questions. When I was single, my Aunt would pester me with, ‘Why are you still single? Are you being too choosy?’; Now that I have a boyfriend, the question becomes ‘When are you getting married?’.  Next it will be “When are you gonna have kids?”.  As it turns out, you’re not alone.  These types of questions are a thing that all families (big or small) share.

When Your Answer Can’t Save You From The Embarrassing Moment…

The worst case is when you refuse to answer their questions, and they comment on your behavior or attitude. Saying that it is “none of your business” might be the simplest answer but they may probably think that you are impolite and disrespectful. In the end, none of us want to create barriers within our family relationships.

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But giving a brief answer doesn’t always work. ‘I don’t have any plans on this’ is a rather vague answer, and not everyone understands you are actually saying ‘please don’t ask anymore for God’s sake’. Instead, they might keep asking more! You will soon realize how exhausting it is to answer all of their endless questions.

You Can Gain The Upper Hand By Asking This Question!

The more effective way to deal with these questions is to first figure out their intentions. People never ask a question without any intentions. Asking about their intentions can reverse your position, from a passive role as you used to play to a rather active one. With a simple twist, you can become the one in control of the conversation.

Flipping the question around is one of the best ways to figure out their intentions while avoiding misunderstandings:

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Why are you still single? Are you being too choosy?
You: Are you worried that I might be lonely?
When are you getting married?
You: Are you concerned that I am waiting too long?

Very quickly, you’ll be able to discern just what your relative really wants to know.  Those who ask with a kind intention may simply be expressing their concerns, allowing the conversation to flow into a smoother and more constructive path. Even if they are just being nosy or really intended to embarrass you, this technique will allow you to stay in control of the conversation and deflect the focus of attention.

But be aware of your tone and body language. Sometimes the awkward questions they ask might irritate you. But you need to take a deep breath and be calm when you respond so that you don’t sound defensive or confrontational. Don’t make others feel like you are challenging them or giving them a hard time.

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How To Give Further Response After You Know Their Intentions

Crack A Joke If They Are Nosy

Some people are just being nosy. They don’t really care as much as you think, which means you can probably just crack a joke or say something irrelevant when they ask questions that you’d rather not  answer. Most of them will stop asking when they can’t get what they are looking for.  To move the conversation forward, why not start discussing your interests?  Recent research has proven that it’s one of the best ways to escape from an awkward situation.[1]

Take The Initiative To Share If They Try To Connect

Some ask questions out of kindness and genuine caring. There are some family members that you seldom see so sometimes they might want to break the ice with you by asking some questions. They might not know that these questions are embarrassing for you.  Why not take the initiative to share something about yourself instead?  By taking the reigns, you can steer the conversation in a direction you want, deftly stepping past the sensitive subjects.

Focus Your Time on The Right People

You might not want to admit it, but let’s face it: some of our family or relatives do love to embarrass or irritate us.  While we don’t get to choose who our family members are, we do get to choose what to focus our time and attention on.  Knowing a relative’s conversational intentions will help you to gain better control of yourself and be calmer, allowing you to avoid falling into the trap of taking what they say too personally.  If you can take control of the conversation and not allow things to irritate you, then you can stop things in their tracks before they escalate.

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If you find yourself dreading the next family gathering because of those questions your uncle is going to pester you with, don’t fret!  Stay calm, ask questions to understand their intentions, and take control of the conversation.  With practice, it will come so naturally that you won’t even realize you’re doing it.  Besides, what better people to practice on than your own family?  With this simple technique, you’ll be able to gracefully dance around any awkward situation, whether it’s during a family gathering or pretty much any social situation.

Reference

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Sheba Leung

Translator. Sport lover. Traveler.

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Last Updated on November 26, 2020

How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

As playwright Wilson Mizner supposedly said all the way back in the 1930s,

“Be kind to everyone on the way up; you will meet the same people on the way down.”

The adage is the perfect prototype for relationship building in 2020, although we may want to expand Mizner’s definition of “kind” to include being helpful, respectful, grateful, and above all, crediting your colleagues along the way.

5 Ways to Switch on Your Relationship Building Magnetism

Relationship building does not come easily to all. Today’s computer culture makes us more insular and less likely to reach out—not to mention our new work-from-home situation in which we are only able to interact virtually. Still, relationship building remains an important part of career engagement and success, and it gets better with practice.

Here are five ways you can strengthen your relationships:

1. Advocate for Other’s Ideas

Take the initiative to speak up in support of other team members’ good ideas. Doing so lets others know that the team’s success takes precedence over your needs for personal success. Get behind any colleague’s innovative approach or clever solution and offer whatever help you can give to see it through. Teammates will value your vote of confidence and your support.

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2. Show Compassion

If you learn that someone whom you work with has encountered difficult times, reach out. If it’s not someone you know well, a hand-written card expressing your sympathy and hopes for better times ahead could be an initial gesture. If it’s someone with whom you interact regularly, the act could involve offering to take on some of the person’s work to provide a needed reprieve or even bringing in a home-cooked dish as a way to offer comfort. The show of compassion will not go unnoticed, and your relationship building will have found a foothold.

3. Communicate Regularly

Make an effort to share any information with team members that will help them do their jobs more effectively. Keeping people in the loop says a lot about your consideration for what others need to deliver their best results.

Try to discover the preferred mode of communication for each team member. Some people are fine relying on emails; others like to have a phone conversation. And once we can finally return to working together in offices, you may determine that face-to-face updates may be most advantageous for some members.

4. Ask for Feedback

Showing your willingness to reach out for advice and guidance will make a positive impression on your boss. When you make it clear that you welcome and can accept pointers, you display candor and trust in what opinions your superior has to offer. Your proclivity towards considering ways of improving your performance and strengthening any working interactions will signal your strong relationship skills.

If you are in a work environment where you are asked to give feedback, be generous and compassionate. That does not mean being wishy-washy. Try always to give the type of feedback that you wouldn’t mind receiving.

5. Give Credit Where It’s Due

Be the worker who remembers to credit staffers with their contributions. It’s a surprisingly rare talent to credit others, but when you do so, they will remember to credit you, and the collective credit your team will accrue will be well worth the effort.

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How Does Relationship Building Build Careers?

Once you have strengthened and deepened your relationships, here are some of the great benefits:

Work Doesn’t Feel So Much Like Work

According to a Gallup poll, when you have a best friend at work, you are more likely to feel engaged with your job. Work is more fun when you have positive, productive relationships with your colleagues. Instead of spending time and energy overcoming difficult personalities, you can spend time enjoying the camaraderie with colleagues as you work congenially on projects together. When your coworkers are your friends, time goes by quickly and challenges don’t weigh as heavily.

You Can Find Good Help

It’s easier to ask for assistance when you have a good working relationship with a colleague. And with office tasks changing at the speed of technology, chances are that you are going to need some help acclimating—especially now that work has gone remote due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Much of relationship building rests on your genuine expressions of appreciation toward others. Showing gratitude for another’s help or for their willingness to put in the extra effort will let them know you value them.

Mentors Come Out of the Woodwork

Mentors are proven to advance your professional and career development. A mentor can help you navigate how to approach your work and keep you apprised of industry trends. They have a plethora of experience to draw from that can be invaluable when advising you on achieving career success and advancement.

Mentors flock to those who are skilled at relationship building. So, work on your relationships and keep your eyes peeled for a worthy mentor.

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You Pull Together as a Team

Great teamwork starts with having an “abundance mentality” rather than a scarcity mentality. Too often, workers view all projects through a scarcity mentality lens. This leads to office strife as coworkers compete for their piece of the pie. But in an abundance mentality mode, you focus on the strengths that others bring rather than the possibility that they are potential competitors.

Instead, you can commit relationship building efforts to ensure a positive work environment rather than an adversarial one. When you let others know that you intend to support their efforts and contribute to their success, they will respond in kind. Go, team!

Your Network Expands and So Does Your Paycheck

Expand your relationship building scope beyond your coworkers to include customers, suppliers, and other industry stakeholders. Your extra efforts can lead to extra sales, a more rewarding career, and even speedy professional advancement. And don’t overlook the importance of building warm relationships with assistants, receptionists, or even interns.

Take care to build bridges, not just to your boss and your boss’s boss but with those that work under you as well. You may find that someone who you wouldn’t expect will put in a good word for you with your supervisor.

Building and maintaining good working relationships with everyone you come in contact with can pay off in unforeseen ways. You never know when that underling will turn out to be the company’s “golden child.” Six years from now you may be turning to them for a job. If you have built up a good, trusting work relationship with others along your way, you will more likely be considered for positions that any of these people may be looking to fill.

Your Job Won’t Stress You Out

Study shows that some 83 percent of American workers experience work-related stress.[1] Granted, some of that stress is now likely caused by the new pandemic-triggered workplace adjustments, yet bosses and management, in general, are reportedly the predominant source of stress for more than one-third of workers.

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Having meaningful connections among coworkers is the best way to make work less stressful. Whether it is having others whom to commiserate with, bounce ideas off, or bring out your best performance, friendships strengthen the group’s esprit de corps and lower the stress level of your job.

Your Career Shines Bright

Who would you feel better about approaching to provide a recommendation or ask for promotion: a cold, aloof boss with whom you have only an impersonal relationship or one that knows you as a person and with whom you have built a warm, trusting relationship?

Your career advancement will always excel when you have a mutual bond of friendship and appreciation with those who can recommend you. Consider the plug you could receive from a supervisor who knows you as a friend versus one who remains detached and only notices you in terms of your ability to meet deadlines or attain goals.

When people fully know your skills, strengths, personality, and aspirations, you have promoters who will sing your praises with any opportunity for advancement.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, it is “who you know” not “what you know.” When you build relationships, you build a pipeline of colleagues, work partners, team members, current bosses, and former bosses who want to help you—who want to see you succeed.

At its core, every business is a people business. Making a point to take the small but meaningful actions that build the foundation of a good relationship can be instrumental in cultivating better relationships at work.

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Featured photo credit: Adam Winger via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] The American Institute of Stress: 42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics

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