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Last Updated on February 5, 2018

Are You Satisfied with Your Relationship or Settling for Less? Take This Test to Find Out

Are You Satisfied with Your Relationship or Settling for Less? Take This Test to Find Out

Have you ever wanted a relationship to work so badly that you ignore all of the signs of its inevitable decline? Don’t feel bad. While it may seem completely evident to an outsider what they would do in your situation, it’s a totally different situation for the person living it. But since you’re here, you’re probably feeling to need to take a step back and get some perspective on your relationship. That’s good!

Try taking the test below and find out your relationship score:

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Grims Questionnaire Of Relationship Satisfaction

Apart from the test, a little soul searching is important in determining whether you are where you need to be in life and what you can do to improve.

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Why Do People Settle For Less?

Why would someone settle for someone who doesn’t match who they were looking for in the first place? Well, before continuing, it’s important to note that you’ll NEVER find someone who meets your idyllic image of your perfect partner to the letter.

That being said, you should be happy with the one you’re with. Many people, however, admit that they are indeed settling for a relationship that doesn’t make them truly happy.[1] There are many reasons people find themselves in this predicament.

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Here are some examples:

  • They’re afraid of being alone. They may feel afraid because they’ve never learned to be on their own, or they may be afraid that they’ll never find anyone else. This is particularly true of people as they get older. One research study recently found that being single was one of the biggest reasons people settle for a less fulfilling relationship.[2]
  • They don’t believe they deserve to be happy. This is harder to detect and has to do with self-esteem. If someone doesn’t feel they deserve joy in their life, they may find it difficult to let go of something that’s doing them more harm than good.
  • They feel guilty about hurting the other person. This one is hard, especially if the two people really do love each other. Sometimes, even two people are in love, they still just aren’t right for one another.
  • They fear losing financial security. This is particularly true if one person is working and the other isn’t. The prospect of losing the security provided by a partner can be frightening, to say the least, if a person has been relying on it for any length of time.
  • They have children. Everything gets more complicated with kids in the mix. People know that if they separate after having kids, it affects them too.

Signs You May Be Settling For Less

  • You consistently feel like the relationship is hindering you or bringing you down. It may feel like it’s an emotional and physical barrier to everything you wish to be or achieve in life.
  • You feel like you can’t be your best with your partner. It’s true that relationships can bring out the best and the worst in people. Hopefully, if the relationship is positive, the rough edges will be smoothed out and you’ll actually grow as a person. If you don’t like who you are when you’re with your partner and nothing you do seems to help, then you may need to move on.
  • You’ve been cheated on one or more times. You’d think this one is obvious, but some people are just more understanding than others. If you’re one of those people, and your partner has cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way several times, you’re definitely settling for less than you deserve.
  • You find yourself feeling apprehensive at the thought of forever with you partner. You should feel excited, glad, and grateful. If you don’t, they may not be the one for you.

There are many other signs you may be settling. If you feel like maybe you are,

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Featured photo credit: Greece via pixabay.com

Reference

[1] Opra.com: Why Do You Settle For Less?
[2] Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Settling for less out of fear of being single.

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Marina Richter

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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