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Are You Satisfied with Your Relationship or Settling for Less? Take This Test to Find Out

Are You Satisfied with Your Relationship or Settling for Less? Take This Test to Find Out

Have you ever wanted a relationship to work so badly that you ignore all of the signs of its inevitable decline? Don’t feel bad. While it may seem completely evident to an outsider what they would do in your situation, it’s a totally different situation for the person living it. But since you’re here, you’re probably feeling to need to take a step back and get some perspective on your relationship. That’s good!

Try taking the test below and find out your relationship score:

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Grims Questionnaire Of Relationship Satisfaction

Apart from the test, a little soul searching is important in determining whether you are where you need to be in life and what you can do to improve.

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Why Do People Settle For Less?

Why would someone settle for someone who doesn’t match who they were looking for in the first place? Well, before continuing, it’s important to note that you’ll NEVER find someone who meets your idyllic image of your perfect partner to the letter.

That being said, you should be happy with the one you’re with. Many people, however, admit that they are indeed settling for a relationship that doesn’t make them truly happy.[1] There are many reasons people find themselves in this predicament.

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Here are some examples:

  • They’re afraid of being alone. They may feel afraid because they’ve never learned to be on their own, or they may be afraid that they’ll never find anyone else. This is particularly true of people as they get older. One research study recently found that being single was one of the biggest reasons people settle for a less fulfilling relationship.[2]
  • They don’t believe they deserve to be happy. This is harder to detect and has to do with self-esteem. If someone doesn’t feel they deserve joy in their life, they may find it difficult to let go of something that’s doing them more harm than good.
  • They feel guilty about hurting the other person. This one is hard, especially if the two people really do love each other. Sometimes, even two people are in love, they still just aren’t right for one another.
  • They fear losing financial security. This is particularly true if one person is working and the other isn’t. The prospect of losing the security provided by a partner can be frightening, to say the least, if a person has been relying on it for any length of time.
  • They have children. Everything gets more complicated with kids in the mix. People know that if they separate after having kids, it affects them too.

Signs You May Be Settling For Less

  • You consistently feel like the relationship is hindering you or bringing you down. It may feel like it’s an emotional and physical barrier to everything you wish to be or achieve in life.
  • You feel like you can’t be your best with your partner. It’s true that relationships can bring out the best and the worst in people. Hopefully, if the relationship is positive, the rough edges will be smoothed out and you’ll actually grow as a person. If you don’t like who you are when you’re with your partner and nothing you do seems to help, then you may need to move on.
  • You’ve been cheated on one or more times. You’d think this one is obvious, but some people are just more understanding than others. If you’re one of those people, and your partner has cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way several times, you’re definitely settling for less than you deserve.
  • You find yourself feeling apprehensive at the thought of forever with you partner. You should feel excited, glad, and grateful. If you don’t, they may not be the one for you.

There are many other signs you may be settling. If you feel like maybe you are,

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Featured photo credit: Greece via pixabay.com

Reference

[1]Opra.com: Why Do You Settle For Less?
[2]Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Settling for less out of fear of being single.

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Marina Richter

Freelance Writer

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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