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3 Realizations People Have That Make Them Become Much More Motivated Every Day

3 Realizations People Have That Make Them Become Much More Motivated Every Day

Sometimes facts should just be accepted, like gravity. You probably have never woken up worrying if a lack of gravity would suddenly send you floating up in the air. No, you already know that gravity exists, every day, stopping you from free-floating, and you deal with it. Like gravity, there are other truths in life that you should accept and when you realize these three certain truths about life, it will help you to become more motivated to create a life worth living.

1. Everyone is insecure about something, it’s not just you

You face doubts and uncertainties, every day of your life. Does this dress make you look fat? Will you know anyone at that conference or are you doomed to sit alone? What if you forget the words to your speech or song? Guess what? You are not alone. Everyone suffers from these doubts and insecurities in life, big and small, from the poorest beggar to the richest entrepreneur.

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A study from UBS Investor Watch[1] showed that millionaires suffer from insecurities too! Just when you thought that the rich had nothing over to fret about, you learn that they worry about losing their money. Undoubtedly, there has been more than one First Lady or female CEO who has asked herself if she looks big in that dress!

Everyone feels insecure about something at one point or another, regardless of status. The trick is to NOT let it rule your life. Don’t let that dress keep you from going to a party or the fear of forgetting your lines stop you from giving that speech. We are all human and prone to mistakes and fears. Accept it and move on.

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2. You will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did wrong

Mark Twain once said: “20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.” He then urged his readers to sail forth, sail away from safe harbors, and, “Explore, dream, discover.”

Palliative nurse and author Bronnie Ware penned a book titled, Top Five Regrets of Dying[2]. Working for eight years with hospice and terminal patients, she found that the top regret of a dying person was that “they did not have the courage to live a life true to themselves and instead lived lives others expected of them.” They regretted not living their own dreams. Other regrets were not spending time with family, working too hard, and not expressing their true feelings.

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In the end of life, you won’t feel disappointed with yourself for having made mistakes, but you will regret not tackling the items on your bucket list. You’ll be remorseful over not spending more time with your family and loved ones. And you will lament over not trying to fulfill your dreams. Change your mindset and let that motivate you to live a life you will never regret.

3. If it doesn’t suck, it’s not worth doing

You are probably laughing at this one. If it sucks, why would you do it, right? This tip comes from Ironman Triathlete and US Navy SEAL David Goggins who lives his life by the 40% rule[3]. When your mind tells you that you are finished, you are actually only 40% done. Once you realize this, you can choose to push yourself the remainder of that 60%. You are still capable, but you are stepping beyond your comfort zone.

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No one who made it to the summit of Mount Everest compared their experience to a walk in Central Park, yet they pushed themselves onward with low oxygen levels, facing altitude sickness, freezing cold, and made it to the top. Challenges were meant to be difficult. Not only do they test the limits of your body, but they also expand your mind. When you conquer what you once viewed as an impossible feat, you’ve pressed beyond your comfort zone. Your self-confidence soars. You won’t feel the same effect from sitting on the couch and watching television.

If it sucks to some degree, it’s hard. Nothing worth having comes easy, like cross-country cycling, calculus, redesigning your website, and traveling to Mongolia. Sure it will prove to be an arduous challenge, but the rewards are worth it!

Once you realize these three truths in life, you can let go of the worry. Everyone feels insecure about something. Accept it. Don’t let that fear paralyze you. Not living your dreams will be your biggest regret. Make a plan to live a life of no regrets. And if it doesn’t suck, don’t do it. Switch off that movie, put your phone down, and go find a challenge that will expand your body and mind. This is not a dress rehearsal. You only have this life. Make it count.

Featured photo credit: David Mark via pixabay.com

Reference

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Sally White

writer, artist & blogger

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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