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5 Common Habits That Actually Ruin Your Relationship

5 Common Habits That Actually Ruin Your Relationship

Have you ever wondered why your romantic relationships never seem quite as joyful and intimate as you would like? Many of us tend to think that as long as we choose the right partner, everything else will fall into place. However, people in the best relationships know that it takes conscious effort to avoid falling into a rut. Take a look at this list of common relationship-wrecking habits and start taking a new approach to your partner today.

Bad Habit #1: Boring conversations and tired dialogue

Everyone likes to think that their partner cares about their day, so questions like “How was work?” tend to become a staple of most couples’ conversations. Unfortunately, this gets old fast. Instead of asking the same old questions, why not try a more original approach such as “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today?” or “What have you been reading lately?”

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Bad Habit #2: Failing to express your needs

In an ideal world, our partners would be able to read our minds and grant our every wish without prompting. In reality, it is up to you to let your significant other know what you need from them, whether it’s reassurance about your appearance or a few more hugs every evening.[1] Just because you have to provide a bit of guidance doesn’t mean that the reward is any less valuable. Never expect your partner to be psychic, as they will only resent you when inevitably they fail to meet your needs and you become irritated as a result.

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Bad Habit #3: Failing to plan for serious discussions

Charging into a sensitive conversation without properly considering the points you wish to make is a recipe for disaster, tension, and prolonged conflict. Instead, try writing down your thoughts beforehand.[2] This will help you remain calm even in the face of difficult conversations and will improve the quality of communication between you and your partner. Journaling about your emotions or just writing them down as a list can help you remain focused on the problem at hand rather than taking your sadness, anger or jealousy out on the other person.

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Bad Habit #4: Trying hard to solve the conflicts before sleep

We’ve all heard the saying, “Don’t let the sun set on an argument.” Whilst this piece of advice is well-intentioned, the truth is that many arguments between couples often seem much more manageable after both people have had a good night’s sleep. When you find yourself snapping at your partner after a long day’s work or fighting over a relatively trivial issue in the evening, suggest that you both go to bed and resolve the matter in the morning.

Bad Habit #5: Speaking ill of your partner behind their back

It can be tempting to talk to your friends whenever your partner causes you stress. If you are in an abusive relationship or are concerned about your partner’s mental health, reaching out can be the most appropriate course of action. However, (if you aren’t in an abusive relationship) as a general rule, you should be talking about your relationship problems with your partner rather than other people[3]. This is because badmouthing your partner lessens the respect you have for them. You are unlikely to feel positive about your relationship if you spend a lot of time complaining about it.

These five bad habits can quickly undermine a relationship, but they are easy to overcome once you commit to increasing your self-awareness and examining how you behave towards your partner. Relationships are not always easy, but if you are prepared to put in some work on a regular basis you will reap numerous rewards including greater intimacy and mutual understanding.

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Reference

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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