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Your Life Begins Again Only When You Learn To Truly Let Go

Your Life Begins Again Only When You Learn To Truly Let Go

Every single one of us has been through that one moment in our life. That defining moment that changes who we are, when you think life couldn’t possibly go on. For many people, life seems to stop after losing a loved one. Maybe it’s a bad breakup or a difficult divorce. But for you, the clock stopped and you don’t think you’ll ever get over this tragedy.

And it’s true, your life did stop and you did suffer a tragedy. But no matter how helpless and alone you feel right now, life will begin again and it will get better – as soon as you learn to let go.

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“Everyone’s allowed to be in love with the wrong person at some point. In fact, it’s a mistake not to be.” – Harriet Evans

You thought you met the love of your life. The two of you spent your free time snuggled up in bed, dreaming about the future, about getting married, and making a home. Then one day, all of the small problems, once simple annoyances, become too much to bare. The two of you agree on a breakup and you’re left with all the pain of putting the broken pieces back together.

But, breaking up is about so much more than moving on and healing. It’s the opportunity to learn about yourself and to understand the root of your relationship’s problems, so you learn to practice self-love. It’s just like physical injury. The injury, the pain – it always has a root cause. Figure out the root cause so you can prevent it from happening in the future. [1] Love yourself, recognize your needs.

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“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

Let’s be very clear about something – divorce does not mean that you give up on your marriage or on your family. Nobody enters marriage thinking of the end. People get married as the ultimate confirmation of love, it’s the promise to build a life together and to grow together.

But sometimes, life doesn’t work out the way we planned. As Crystal Jackson so eloquently put it, “At a certain point, we realize that the sink is shipping… So, yes, we get off the damn ship and start looking for a lifeboat – a whole new life.” [2] That’s not failure, that’s accepting the truth and choosing a better life. You can’t make a relationship work by yourself. Recognizing that and choosing yourself, that’s self-love and survival.

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“Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take a minute to assess your current relationship. Why are you in it? Be honest with yourself. Is it out of happiness, love, and want? Or is it out of need or obligation? Because if you have any sense of obligation, that’s likely to turn into resentment in the future. Why? When you feel obligated to stay, you are effectively limiting your power of choice. [3] Do yourself a favor, practice self-love. It’s time to move on and start your life anew.

“Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde

Don’t accept the idea that what you have now is good enough, that it can never be better. Especially not if the relationship is full of lies and distrust. You stay because you’ve grown comfortable with good enough, with the ordinary. You’re settling for less and you deserve more.

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Settling for good enough might mean that you think you don’t deserve happiness. [4] It’s time to take on some difficult decision making, build up some motivation, and work toward self-love through self-improvement. You are worth a happy life and that will only begin when you let go of the past.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe

Making big mistakes, losing your optimism, and hitting rock bottom – these are the things that will lead you to happiness. Tragic moments allow us to reflect on our wants and needs, paving the way to change. The mistakes we make in love lead us to the right person in the future – the true love of our life. [5]

Let go of the negativity, focus on self-love and positivity.

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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