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Struggling With Tough Decisions? This 10/10/10 Rule Will Save You And Benefit Your Whole Life

Struggling With Tough Decisions? This 10/10/10 Rule Will Save You And Benefit Your Whole Life

You receive a fantastic job opportunity. It means a promotion and more money. You may never be offered such an unbelievable proposition again. Your first reaction is to go with your gut and accept the offer. Unfortunately, you are required to relocate to a different state. The thought of leaving your established life tears you in two. A chance like this is a once in a lifetime deal. But how can you abandon your aging parents, friends and everything you know, just to advance your career? Maybe you have a family of your own and the choice you make will disrupt not only your life but theirs as well. New schools, new doctors, new house. It’s a tough decision that’s keeping you awake at night. Stay or go? You’ve weighed the pros and cons and still can’t make a clear cut choice.

According to an article on Fast Company[1], the decisions that most people regret were made with visceral emotions: hasty, rash, and in the heat of the moment. There may be a few wedding chapels in Las Vegas that concur. When faced with a major, tough decision, it’s best to hit the pause button on the moment and use this simple 10/10/10 formula to help pave the way to clearer thinking during these difficult situations.

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The10/10/10 Rule

Columnist, former editor of the Harvard Business Review and mom, Suzy Welch, came up with the idea of the 10/10/10 Rule to help her balance her hectic life with business and family[2]. She used it to troubleshoot the dilemmas life shot her way. When she was thrown a choice, she would pause and ask herself these three questions:

  • How will you feel about the consequences of this choice 10 minutes from now?
  • How will you feel about this 10 months from now?
  • How will you feel about this 10 years from now?

By not making decisions in the moment, ruled by strong emotions, Welch found she would make better choices based on her answers to the questions.

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Applying the 10/10/10 rule to your life

You don’t have to be juggling kids and work to apply the 10/10/10 formula to your decision making. You can use it to face other challenges, big and small:

Use the rule to make those major decisions, like marriage. You believe you have finally found your true life partner. You may be crazy in love, texting each other little notes throughout the day. You live in constant bliss. Even that leaving the cap off the toothpaste thing doesn’t irk you. And the trail of clothes across the floor- adorable! True love only comes once, right? You want to get married. Stop! Don’t let yourself get swept away by your hormone-influenced passions. Before you take that important, life-altering plunge, apply the 10/10/10 rule. Ask yourself how your relationship will be like in ten minutes- probably not much different. Then look forward to 10 months. Still cozy? Now fast forward to ten years. Can you see yourself going the distance with your partner through thick and thin? Will you still find that those little quirks adorable or will they become annoying? Will your relationship still stand after the honeymoon phase has waned?

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Use the 10/10/10 rule as a tool for life. Thinking about selling everything and roaming the world? In ten minutes you are still psyched over the idea. Ten months from now you may be able to see yourself hanging out in Ubud with a laptop, a fruity drink, and a dark tan. Ten years from now? Are you still traveling? Wanting to start a family? Regretting ditching college? Each person has their own priorities. What are yours? This 10/10/10 rule helps you to face what is really important in your life. What is pertinent today may not be 10 years down the road.

Use the 10/10/10 rule to help you through life’s tough challenges. Think smart. Be smart. And consider the future of your actions.

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Reference

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Sally White

writer, artist & blogger

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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