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3 Reasons Why It’s Better to be Sober

3 Reasons Why It’s Better to be Sober

People don’t like to talk about their struggles with alcohol. It makes them uncomfortable. People get uneasy when speaking about mistakes they have made or bad decisions they have done while drinking. They especially don’t like admitting that they have a problem with alcohol. It makes them feel weak.

I can relate. I used to have a real problem. It took years for me to get comfortable admitting that I was an alcoholic. By age 24, my life had come crashing down and I had two choices:

I could get help or I was going to die. I’m grateful that I found people to help me. It saved my life.

Over the years, I have come to realize that everyone struggles with addiction in one form or another. Every single person has either had their own struggles or knows someone who has. The problem is in everyone but we like to pretend like it isn’t. Eventually, alcoholism always shows its ugly head.

I’ve been sober for 7 years. I find that this way of life is much better than the alternative. Of course, there are days when it would be nice to have a cold beer or a glass of wine with dinner, but I would not go back if I could.

My life is better now that I am sober.

My intention is not to convert anyone into a sober man or woman or try to paint a negative image around alcohol. If you drink, then I hope you find enjoyment from it. What I will do is share my experience and explain why I find life to be better without alcohol.

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Here it goes.

1. Cash Money in the Bank

I used to spend so much money on booze.

It’s difficult to buy liquor and not spend a lot of money. Cocktails, buying rounds for your friends, buying a bottle of wine at dinner… it really adds up.

When I got out of rehab, I had exactly zero dollars to my name. I would work so hard to earn my money and come Monday morning, it was all gone. I am so thankful I don’t have to live with that anxiety anymore.

Since then, I have not spent one single penny on alcohol. I wish there was a way for me to quantify exactly how much money I have saved. I can tell you that the money saved has translated into tens of thousands of dollars and also more money to travel, go to concerts and do the things I love.

You know that feeling when you go out partying and you wake up the next morning and all your money is gone and you don’t even remember why? Well, that never happens to me.

My finances are tight. I know where my money is going and I know where it isn’t going. Because of this, I have freedom to do whatever I want. This last year alone I have gone to Scotland, New Orleans, Bonnaroo, Philadelphia to see my family and more. Next month I am going to Utah for a snowboarding trip.

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I would never have been able to afford this if I still drank. Chances are that I would be stuck in the same town sitting at the same bar stool.

Giving up alcohol gave me the opportunity to do everything else.

2. No Need for a Social Lubricant

Like I said, I am not an “anti-alcohol” kind of guy. I can see many areas in which alcohol has benefits.

The most obvious is alcohol’s ability to bring people together. As human beings, we need social interaction. We crave it! Before I got sober, a few drinks was the only way I could muster up the courage to speak with people. Many people feel this way. Social anxiety is a real thing and most people experience it.

But with a few shots, all of that tension falls by the wayside. Everyone is free to be themselves, unafraid of what others think about them.

It took me some time, but with some practice and stretching way out of my comfort zone, I am finally comfortable being the way I am. This means…

  • I can go up to strangers
  • I can dance
  • I can crack a joke and not get embarrassed if it bombs
  • I can ask a girl out
  • I can go to networking events and weddings without being afraid of the pictures on Facebook the next morning

It is very liberating to be comfortable with yourself to the point where you don’t need alcohol. It does not happen overnight, but I have always felt that being comfortable with yourself is a challenge.

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Life is essentially a journey of self-discovery. If you really want to get to know yourself, the best way to do that is to get sober.

3. FREEEDDOOOMMMMM

This last reason may not apply to everyone.

Most people can have a few drinks and go about their merry way. For myself and millions of people like me, that is not the case.

It’s difficult to really explain to someone what alcoholism is like. It’s easy to think “why don’t you just stop?” If you ask an alcoholic why they can’t stop they will not know the answer. It’s addiction. It’s chemical. It would be like me telling you to stop eating. Eventually, you need to go back.

Now that I am sober, I have no shackles around my wrists. I have no boulders weighing on my shoulders. I wake up every morning a free man.

I hope that everyone gets to understand this level of freedom. Too many people are buried under the drink or under their jobs or under a relationship. Sobriety has taught me that until I am free to be myself, no outside influence will ever make me feel better about who I am or the situation I am in.

I can’t drink myself into feeling better. I can’t work myself into an identity or sense of purpose and I can’t turn a relationship into my reason for existence. None of that works; it only tricks us into thinking we are feeling good.

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Sobriety gave me the opportunity to feel the emotions I buried for so long, and through that pain and hardship, I learned who I was.

My identity was carved out of suffering.

Do What Makes You Feel Good

As I said before, I’m not in a position to tell people how they should live their lives. All I can share is my experience.

My experience tells me that addiction is part of the human condition. Everyone has some kind of obsession that keeps them up at night and fills the hole within themselves. I hope that in reading this, someone who may be struggling gets the courage to ask for help. I hope that someone out there knows that they are not alone and that there is always a way out.

My life completely changed when I got sober. Maybe it could for you too.

Featured photo credit: Tim Stoddart via timstodz.com

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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