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5 Things Every Child Needs To Be Successful In Life

5 Things Every Child Needs To Be Successful In Life

It’s safe to say that we want every child to grow up to be successful, good citizens of our society. Where some children lack with some skills, they pick up later on. Whether from circumstances or a good adult mentor, children are like sponges, waiting to absorb as much as possible.

For the most part, we do a pretty good job of preparing our children for what lies ahead, yet fall short in other areas. However, at times, we have grown lazy and complacent in our roles to guide them.

No matter who we are or where we come from, certain principles will always be a part of our success, regardless of what that success looks like.

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With a higher than ever number of teenage and young adult suicides occurring in this county, we need to revisit the needs of our children to ensure they are prepared for the turmoils and struggles life will bring to them once they are out into the “real” world on their own. Nowadays, kids are better at hiding behind their devices—like the fake smile they share with people at school—yet they have never felt more distant from people than they do now.

Here are the necessities every kid needs:

1. A reliable environment

Children need to know they are protected (as much as possible) from the outside world. As they begin to develop, their senses are heightened based on what is around them. If there is constant moving around, children find it difficult to feel safe. They naturally begin to wonder why they are being moved from place to place. This is especially true of children who are moved from foster home to foster home. Their surroundings must remain stable and consistent. They relate to knowing where to find their favorite stuffed animal in their room, for example. It helps them develop trust.

Believe it or not, kids love the familiarity that comes with routines. It helps them understand appropriate boundaries and, as they age, they begin to express their own boundaries on their environment and on the people they are surrounded by.

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2. Opportunities to grow

Kids will not grow unless we give them chances to learn. Whether it be something like learning how to count out money or change a flat tire, it is important for kids to experience real life as it is. Their potential is tied to the moments they are allowed to go outside their normal comfort zone and test their skills. It is in the need to practice what is learned that kids begin to understand why and when these skills will be used later on in life. If we shelter them from learning how to make their own lunch or when to go to a teacher for help, we are doing them a disservice. Time is an essence of life that no one can stop, let alone distort. Growth is merely a stretching of knowledge and kids needs as much knowledge as we can give them.

3. Connectivity

When kids are little, they find comfort in people that care for them. The ones that comfort them when they are afraid and hurt. Whether from a simple touch to eye contact, we as a species need to feel connected to others. When kids feel disassociated from people, they are more insecure and never feel like they belong anywhere.

Emotionally distant adults can give children the illusion that there is something wrong with them, leaving them confused, damaging their self-esteem for a very long time. We associate ourselves as members of a “tribe” also known as a family and when children are young, they need that association—not just because those are generally the people who care for them, but because it is part of their identity.

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4. Encouragement

Words and actions matter and young children need positive encouragement to help them get back up. Too often, adults are quick to point out errors and shortcomings, leaving the child with only mistakes to hold onto. A child will believe whatever is said to them most. Optimism shared with a child can make the biggest difference, giving a kid permission to keep going when he or she would have quit. The boost we give to children supports who they are. By celebrating their individuality along with their given talents and gifts, we inspire a generation where possibility and dreams live vividly. Every word of encouragement and every supportive action confirms our belief in that child, as we become their greatest role models.

5. Problem solving skills

We can’t fix everything. Nor should we try. In order for kids to learn how to think and come up with solutions to everyday issues, they must be allowed to do so. Our role is not to come in and change everything for the best for them. We again are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to pick themselves back up. Whether they forget their homework at home or run out of gas, they need to experience those problems in order to know how to fix them. As adults, we must condition them to be independent thinkers and grant them permission to explore their own potential. Unrestricted behavior as it relates to life’s “hiccups” allows moments to figure out how to be successful. Failure must be a part of life in order for success to be a result of it.

On any given day, most kids spend only 18 years with their parents. Although that sounds like a really long time, those 18 years will never cover every experience or moment that child will need in order to go out into the world prepared to deal with it. If they are lucky, they will live another 70 years.

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As a child grows into adulthood, these five things never truly disappear…they just look a little different. The safe environment becomes a home and a college degree allows one to share knowledge with others. There is a new appreciation of connecting with people. We are drawn to the inspirational words that give us hope, and we are more confident with courage and strength we couldn’t have found had we not been tested.

Success has many different looks, but they all start the same way.

In the eyes of every child, we see endless possibility.

Featured photo credit: Danielle McInnes/Unsplash via unsplash.com

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Michelle A. Homme

Author, Speaker, Quote Writer, Empowerment Coach

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

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