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He Approached The Homeless Man With A Selfish Reason, But Learned Selfless Love From Him In The End

He Approached The Homeless Man With A Selfish Reason, But Learned Selfless Love From Him In The End

What’s the most soul satisfying thing you’ve done in your life so far? This man Adam August shared the experience on Quora of how he approached a homeless man just for the sake of killing time, but end up helping his homeless mate gain a new life in 2 weeks. And most importantly, he learned what selfless love truly means from this unexpected experience. Let’s read the amazing story and see what inspiration you can get from it:

    I’ve seen this guy at Starbucks in Marin City several times. Every time I’d see him I’d tell myself that I would take him to lunch but always found an excuse not to. Today was different. It might have been selfish but I was lonely. I didn’t want to spend the whole day alone. I walked up to him, put my hand on his shoulder and said “ do you want to have lunch with me?”

    Tarec Atkinson was born and raised in Jamaica. When he was a kid, he dreamt of being a famous futbol (soccer) player. He was recruited to play in school but never got the opportunity because of some trouble he got in as a teenager. He moved to the states 8 years ago and has spent the last 12 months living in a tent by the side of the freeway. Tarec goes days without eating, sometimes living off of the berries he picks, he spends 90% of his time alone and has no friends and no family in the states.

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    After hearing it had been a month since he bathed, I brought him back to my apartment so he could enjoy a hot shower. Because of all these hardships, trying to get a job is impossible. How can you fill out an application when you haven’t eaten in days? I told Tarec that I would drive around with him next week and help him fill out applications and even speak on his behalf to help him land a job so he can get back on his feet. We agreed to meet that Friday at 9:30 AM at Starbucks.

    If we were going to make this happen, I knew we had to get Tarec some new clothes. We stopped at Ross so he could pick out a shirt and some slacks. I was blown away at the immediate change in his demeanor. His smile was radiant, he stood up straighter, and even walked with a swagger.

      I couldn’t convince him to tuck in his shirt. I guess you win some and you lose some haha.

      Next step was to hit the streets. We spent the next two days going door to door to see who was hiring. We went to Walgreens, CVS, Safeway, Home Depot, Molly Stones, and Starbucks just to name a few. I would walk in with him so he knew he wasn’t alone. It can be overwhelming to walk into a business and ask for a job. I was very proud of him. We had a few positive responses but the majority of business’s told us that applications were submitted online. Easy enough right?

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      Wrong.

      Tarec doesn’t have a computer. So we went to the local library and began filling out applications. And let me tell you something. We take our computer literacy for granted. Watching him struggle to fill out an application put so much into perspective for me. Some people judge our homeless. We’ve all heard someone say “why don’t they just get a job?” or “they’re lazy”. I saw firsthand how the “system” is set up to fail people like Tarec. There is no way he would have been able to do any of this without my help. Just like there are many things in my life I have needed someone to help me overcome an obstacle. We all need a little help.

        After week of phone interviews Tarec landed an in person interview at Safeway. I remember driving to Safeway being nervous. I looked over to him and asked how he was feeling. He looked back at me and said “I got this”. I believed him.

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        I dropped him off, wished him luck and waited. 20 minutes later, I see him walk out of Safeway with a big smile and a thumbs up. I let out a Rick Flair sounding “WOO!”. We had accomplished a lot together in two weeks. It was an incredible moment.

            Obviously we had to celebrate with a little ice cream! :)

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            Like we all are, Tarec is searching for a purpose in life. He yearns for happiness. He craves for a woman to love and to feel the love from a woman. He wants to create a better life for himself so he could one day have a family and stability. He is just like you and me.

            My hope in sharing this story is that it will inspire others to spread LOVE. We all need help in one way or another. Sometimes all someone needs is a friend. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

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            Ricky Tang

            Editor. Movie Lover. Amateur Singer.

            15 Pictures Telling Why You Should Still Have Hope For Our World 4 Ways Introverts Nail Job Interviews Without Pretending To Be Extroverted I Dread Picking Up Your Call, But It Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Like You You Don’t Need To Pay A 30-Year Home Mortgage. You Need A Third Place To Feel Rested. Someone Asks What Growing Up Means, And His Answers Are Amazing

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            Last Updated on January 15, 2021

            7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

            7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

            The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

            Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

            Posture

            First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

            • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
            • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
            • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
            • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

            All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

            Facial Expressions

            Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

            • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
            • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
            • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

            If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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            1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

            A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

            The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

            This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

            2. Relax Your Face

            New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

            The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

            To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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            3. Improve Your Eye Contact

            Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

            The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

            To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

            3. Smile More

            There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

            Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

            4. Hand Gestures

            Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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            It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

            5. Enhance Your Handshake

            In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

            “Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

            It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

            6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

            As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

            Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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            Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

            Final Takeaways

            Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

            If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

            More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

            Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

            Reference

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